Almost Moving Day

The constant in my life over the past five months has been waiting in line at the Farmers' Market every Saturday morning.  Everyone masked up, six feet  or more apart, waiting.  It's typically been 45 minutes to an hour.  I was confused by how short the line was this morning, only half the block instead of around the corner. Watching the flowers bloom, the leaves fill out in summer, and now beginning to dry out and drop.  New apartments went up on NE 52nd, and now they are almost ready to be lived in.  Every weekend someone moving out, somewhere, and I always wonder if I missed some message.  I don't know why I find comfort in people moving into places, but I do, and they aren't, at least not on Saturday mornings.  Just leaving.

I signed a lease yesterday.  Had a bit of a panic attack afterword, it's more money than I've spent when I've travelled for a month.  I had to get renter's insurance, along with internet...there are a lot of advantages with living with other people and sharing the cost of everything.  And I love the space of a house, and the back yard, the big front porch, all the light in my room, the safety of the neighborhood.  This is one of the safest places I've ever lived, the first college I went to was the other one.

What I won't miss is my tendency of over-functioning.  Of having to clean up the kitchen before being able to cook in it.  Having to wipe up someone else's pee before using the toilet.  Cleaning someone else's hair out of the bathtub, separating food out of the recycling, being the only one that cleans the house.  What will I do with all the extra time?  I've never lived alone.  I never really wanted to.  But it seems like a good time to figure out what I want, need, etc when I'm not always having to compromise.  I don't blame that on anyone else, it's just part of living with other people, you have to make adjustments.

And the person I've been having issues with the most is moving as well, and I guess I could stay, but I'd still be me, and still over-functioning, and I need to learn to not do that, to figure myself out.  So, it's still good to move, plus the whole COVID vs my immune system situation.

I rented a loft, which is somewhat nuts with arthritis.  But I figure I can leave my bed on the main level/kitchen area, and make the loft part a study/meditation/art space.  I wish I'd taken pictures, they don't actually have a diagram of the unit I rented on the website of the building.  My criteria was closet space, a stove, my own bathroom, and enough space to unpack all my boxes and figure out what to do with it all.  I just haven't really had the space.  I realized I've been living out of boxes for 16 years.  It's time to unpack.