Done

I tend to stew on things...for a very long time, usually without speaking about it much.  The end result being that it can seem to anyone besides me that I've made a rash decision, because that was the first they'd heard of it.  And frankly, it's because I can't imagine they're all that exciting.  I just don't like change much, and so I tend to sit on things for a long time before committing to them.  Anyway, I made four major (for my life anyway) decisions in the past two-and-a-half weeks.  One, I'd thought about years ago, and then forgotten about.  When I went to the doctor right before Christmas for the allergy testing, she kept bringing it up.  I didn't have any plans, but the timing was suddenly right, so it was done.  The second my hand got forced, so I jumped; I was pretty sure I was making that one, but I'd been waiting.  The third one I needed to do, for a long while, and events nudged me to jump on that one as well.  The fourth is the consequence of the others.

I mention this because I feel like I'm losing my mind.  I half-joked to a co-worker that I was wondering if I'd had a stroke, or a tumor, from how jumbled my thoughts have been.  (Seriously, considering seeing a neurologist.)  I mean to say one thing, and a completely wrong, really unrelated, word comes out instead.  I can't remember things, things I know, basic things.  (And yet we were singing really challenging music in rehearsal tonight, but if I go on autopilot, I can sing the notes right.  If I try to think too much, I can't.)  And I can't give an example, 'cos when I search my brain it's like walking into an empty room.  And I've lost my train of thought.  And I'm super irritable (but I'm aware of it, so I try not to take it out on anyone.)

On the brighter side, it's like switches flipped.  Places where I'd been stuck, released.  Possibility opened up.  I'm having a lot of insight (even if I can't always remember if I don't write it down.)  My emotional range broadened tremendously.  (And I thought of a revenge fantasy, a year too late for Meisner.  Yet, I understand how it would be useful in a scene.  In fact, a lot of the Meisner stuff has made more sense to me in the past few months than it did when I was learning it.)  So, that's all good.

The decisions in-and-of themselves weren't major, at least they probably wouldn't be to most people, that fact that they changed everything, is.

So, now what?