Early evening

Is the week over? Oh, well. Actually, ended up getting to concert early because I managed to catch an earlier bus to Bellevue. I lived there for two years, over 20 years ago. Places sound familiar, but I don't recognize anything, except the major landmarks that haven't changed. I had a car then, too. I drove a lot, knew my way around. It's pretty: very verdant, lots of trees. I thought about how many more options you have for places to live when you have a car.

The songs went okay. We had the accompanist today.  I told him later about how I feel his playing elevates the music and how I sometimes listen to the CD from Finland to hear he and the accordian player together. Finally put my money where my mouth is, even if it is gushy. He was gracious. Besides it's all true, I enjoy listening to him play. Had to run off, right after that. Managed to figure out where the bus stop was, it was pretty fast. Made it to rehearsal on time. We barely got through our scene once in that hour. At least we talked about transitions and were in agreement about things. I had my lines down more or less, but that was my worse run-through. I just am not connecting what I want with the words, and it's like I'm just reading them, and not in a particularly interesting or believable way. This is why I'm taking acting classes. I hope I improve before the show. It's bad.

I finally committed to a monologue. Now I'm cutting it. I tried to time it using a clock with a second hand. I think it's two minutes, three minutes wouldn't make sense. My nose is stuffed and so I read this bad, too. I'm not a good cold reader, thankfully, I don't think we will have to do that for the audition. I'm crossing my fingers. It's weird, I can cold read poetry ususally, but not text. I want to include an emotional transition. I need to do it for the play, so it will be good practice. I think I know where I need to start that now. We were playing the ending pretty subdued and then I was suddenly supposed to exit excited, but it needs to start earlier, it doesn't make sense to just suddenly be there. It needs to build. I'm liberated a page or so earlier and it needs transition from there. Also, the director told me I need to soften my face, but I don't think my face softens. I even tried thinking of cute babies and puppies while watching my face in the mirror...all I can think to do is to hold my face more tense earlier and then let it go "normal."

On the bus coming home, the air-conditioning was blasting, and my stomach felt like a fist because I hadn't eaten all day, and all I could think about was that I wanted to get off of the bus. We got stuck in traffic because a wire on one of the bridges had to be repaired. I almost got off and walked, but I was carrying my bag of winter clothes, my book of music, my performance clothes and shoes, and a full bottle of water. It was cumbersome. It would have been a long walk. I just put on a long-john shirt even though it was almost 80 degrees outside. I still have it on. And when I finally ate, I ate too much, too fast. Now I just want to nap. More work on this monologue first. Sorry, I lied about one post per day. (Everytime I audibly sigh, on purpose, I hear George laughing in my head, in a high-pitched, nervous, maniacal way.)

What I love

Well, got my viscera moved.  I like talking to the therapists, they are always very interesting, and they like to talk about diet and alternative healing practices and therapy. Took a sauna after, because even though it was hot out, it only costs $5 w/massage and I thought it might be good for me.

A year ago tomorrow, I left for Finland. And that was where I had my first sauna, in Eluvori maybe? I'll need to look up the name. Near Sastamala, a ski resort in the winter. I was nervous about getting naked with people I knew casually. I didn't know how saunas worked. As it turned out, one of my roommates had an extra swimsuit which she loaned me, and which fit, and we went separately by gender, so it was very crowded with the women. The older women kept dumping water on the fire, so it was super hot, and then we beat each other with birch branches (which, while it might get out aggression, doesn't actually hurt much when they are wet.) Ended up being a great bonding experience for all of us, I think. (This would be with the Finnish Choral Society, we were on a choir tour in S. Finland for a week.) I later went in a second sauna with my cousin and a friend the last night I was in Finland. While trying to stay as long as possible in there today, I thought with great affection of everyone that made that trip possible, everyone I spent time with, and everyone I encountered on that trip. It was pretty wonderful. Magical. Picture is from a day trip I took with my cousin to Estonia. (I had no expectations before I went, I didn't even know I was going until pretty close to the time to leave. I didn't think I could afford to go.  I had just gone to Portugal the previous autumn, which had used up any extra money I had.)

Tallinn, Estonia/L Herlevi 2012

This will be more gushy than articulate, but what I love about my country is that it is a great melting pot, and every wave of immigrants made our country greater than it was before.  I love the potential. The possibility of what we could be if we weren't so afraid, could embrace each other, learn, grow.

I love the Fourth of July. It's my favorite holiday. I love being in a crowd of people waiting to watch the fireworks, and looking around and seeing people from 20 or 30 different countries, just in my vicinity. Not tourists, but people who are building a life here. And we're all happy, and hanging out together and getting along. And while I know this doesn't happen all the time, the fact that it does, and that it can, and that we can share in one another's cultures is a beautiful thing. Feels my heart with joy.

Happy birthday America!