Good riddance

The place I saw today: space was cool and great for the price, but there appeared to be a small rotting carcass saved on the porch, which is disturbing.  Maybe it was fake.  Leaning to "no."

Forgiveness isn't license to be treated like crap.  Maybe it's a way to take back your own power and walk away.  The ex I seemed most determined to be the better person with, to try to have a friendship with, was probably the least deserving of it.  Other boyfriends may have been more assholian, but they didn't try to pass themselves off as nice, I may have misread, seen what I wanted to see, but they didn't pretend, and I knew of their bad behavior long before I did with him.  (What was that? To my face you treated me like you cared about me.)  Hearing it on a recording (I finally realized I could record onto my camera) made me realize how shitty he treated me, how little he deserved anything from me much less friendship.  How he was never a friend to me: he lied to me, he cheated on me, he used me, he mocked me...and my trying to maintain a friendship is ridiculous.  A year of his dishonesty, and then more years of (my) justifying it: no wonder my self-esteem went into the gutter.  I don't need to be "nice."  I don't need to be his friend.  It was never real.  Friendship requires trust...and mine was misplaced.  What's left is emptiness.

Yes.  I do deserve to be treated better. (And I don't have to be "perfect" first, 'cos that's never gonna happen.)