Just shy of the half-way point

The idea that one's focus on stage should always be external is a helpful/comforting one.  I've yet to figure out how to "pack" the moment to elicit and emotional response on cue (because the script or director requires it) without leaving the current circumstances to drum up some memory (emotional recall) or thought that will trigger the desired response.  I don't want to have to go into my head or body to get it at the cost of leaving the present circumstances going on, on stage, or set.  I've gotten there before by creating strong enough circumstances in the room itself, but I haven't done that enough to call it up on cue.

Anyway, in class tonight, it was more about how you are never the most important person on the stage (but whomever, or whatever, you are responding to, is.)  That focus/aim, direction, and distance, and your relationship to the things/people on stage are important.  That if those things are clear for you, they will be clear for the audience.  (And we've probably talked about this before, and I've probably written about it before, but I'd forgotten about it, and it's good to be reminded of it.)  That all of the forms that we do are toward the end of using them to be a better actor, because in the end, this is an acting intensive, even if it feels like stand-alone exercises; and it all helps to get out of one's head, and to pay attention to what is going on around you, what does the group need?  What does the room need?  Where and how are you sending your energy/focus?

In the breakout sessions, we worked on ways to come back if you've lost connection on stage: one point, relaxation, ki, and I can't remember what the other one is called, but it has to do with the underside of your arm/foot/leg, etc.  We also worked on connection with props. the way you sit with a connection to the chair, or the way you hold a cup, etc., and then we started the tightrope walking, both for focus, and for the idea of not playing the end, not worrying about getting across the rope to the end, but saying this speech, and working toward this objective with this tactic, and then the next one, etc, or taking one good step, and then another good step, until you get all the way across, and in a play, until you come to the end.  You know what your goal is, but you have to get there step by step.

Only 28 more hours of class.  And the performance piece is coming together.  And we get to fall for that one, so, I'll need to practice that more.

And I know what to expect, still, I remain in a state of being terrified and excited at the same time.  I want to be there, and I'm afraid of what is expected.  Not sure what consequence it is that I fear...no one's gonna hurt me if I mess something up, I'll just have to do it again.  It's not expected that I'll be perfect, there would be no point in being here if that were the case.  The training really is for the betterment of the room, and the practice.