Friday, almost summer

So, I can catch a bus on either side of the street to get to work.  This morning, I saw that I had missed one, so waited for the other, then realized I had missed that one as well.  I saw people across the street, so decided to go to the crosswalk and cross over.  When I finally made it to the stop, there were no longer people there.  I initially thought they'd changed their minds, and then I looked around more, behind the pillars, behind the stop, around the cars, and no one.  Ran back across the street to catch the other one.  A bus must've gone by and I just didn't see it.  Been having that happen a lot lately, I was cooking, only one home, and I had taken vegetables out of a drawer and when I went to put them back in the fridge, I opened the drawer and it was full of butter.  I closed it and opened it again.  Still butter.  Then the thought occurred to me that, "oh, maybe someone wanted to use the drawer and took my vegetables out," so I looked for them (seriously) and didn't see them anywhere else in the fridge and got slightly annoyed.  Then I remembered that I had gotten them out just now, and no one else was there.  Opened the drawer again, butter.  Then, yes, realized it was the wrong drawer, and was relieved that I had not gone into some parallel universe.  I think I might be losing my mind.

Went to go see "The Price" by Arthur Miller last night at ACT.  The first act was kinda' slow, second, much more interesting.  The truth kept getting more twisted with each telling of what happened that I wasn't really sure where things were at the end, and have no idea really why the brother, Walter, bothered to show up, except perhaps to assuage guilt or clear the air.  I'm not sure what was resolved in the end, but perhaps that's just life, all of us see what happened in our own light, through our own filters...is there an ultimate truth or resolution?  Maybe not.  In the end, we have the stories we tell ourselves and each other to make sense of our lives and justify our choices.  And all of us see the same story from a different point of view...perhaps they are all true, though not the same.  (Then there is the dissatisfaction of who we've become, what we've done with our lives, how we no longer hear each other, how we feel we have failed and the fear we can never be more than we are which keeps us paralyzed in our unhappiness, in the places we feel stuck.  Same themes as with "Riches," that was all ringing familiar to me as well.)

Always waiting for the moment where we will let ourselves "live" and then waking up and realizing we've been holding our breath for our whole lives, and our lives are more than halfway over.  Whatta ya do?

Friday

Spent ten minutes looking for a t-shirt I wanted to change into this morning, because I thought it would look better than the one I was wearing. Finally realized I don't actually own that t-shirt. I may have tried it on, but for some reason I bought this one instead. Sigh. TGIF. But still, I have a busy weekend, last one for a few weeks. Maybe my mind will return. Feeling alternately scattered, and blank.

Shooting in a 24-hour photo marathon beginning tonight. A fundraiser for The Photographic Center Northwest in Seattle. I've shot 3 of the 4 years, first year, I left before my work sold, second year my picture sold really early, third year I didn't like anything I did, so didn't submit and last year I didn't participate because I was going to Finland and didn't have time to print and frame. I have an idea, hopefully it'll pan out. (And then a back-up idea if it doesn't.) Shooting with a friend for part of tonight. I've never actually stayed awake for the whole thing, fallen asleep at 2 am and woken up again sometime in the 5 am hour. I'll need to sleep at some point tonight as well. Have a rehearsal mid-day tomorrow, and we need the work, at least I really do. Like I said, I didn't feel good about how it was going last night, and I don't know if we'll be able to get in another rehearsal before the performance. The Meisner class is doing a showcase on Tuesday night in one of the spaces, plus I want to go to it, so Tuesday night is out as far as rehearsing goes.

The auction is sometime in July. You submit work, and then turn in whatever the jurors decide, and then there's a party/auction where every hour the prices go down. I think they all start at $1000 at 5 pm if you want to buy outright. The official auction usually starts around 6 pm. Around midnight, everything that's left is either $100 or less than that. It's fun. I still need to get sponsored, haven't checked to see how much it's supposed to be, it's usually $100. Oh, and everything we do is donated (time, film-for me, processing, printing, and framing). It's the only framed work I've ever had sell. People are participating all across the world.  http://pcnw.org/2013/long-shot-whos-doing-what-on-june-21-ideas-from-our-community/

I'd still take any stupid crumb...they never fall. I make acknowledgements, offer encouragement, I try to connect...I was asked to, so I followed through. But enough of that...back to my life and who I am.  Photo marathon in an hour. Need to remember how to load the Holga. Can't recall how to put the film on the reel without seeing it, I haven't shot it in ages.