Scratchy

Did my mirror tonight, which was also a huge weight off of my shoulders.  Ended up singing: Bobby Mcgee, Defying Gravity, Dreaming is Free and a song a friend of mine wrote when we were in college, also, lots of low growling and my throat is raw from a combination of those.  Someone said I was fearless and someone else said something about there not being any artifice.  And something about "joy?"  There wasn't enough of a break between the two of us to write it all down to remember, and now my notes seem cryptic.  (And I was embodied and present, so why can't I do that in my exercises?  At least I know I am capable.  Just need to find the mechanism, or I suppose the permission and commitment to let myself be that when I am doing scene work with someone else.  This felt simpler.  And the feeding of circumstances/coaching, helped to embody the actions.)

I didn't cry at the end, and I was concerned about that, that I hadn't broke.  I asked about it during our dinner break and she said I broke plenty during the course of the exercise.  (I did however cry, unexpectedly, during Spoon River work, when my partner read.  Someone answering you over time and space; someone heard you; it mattered to them that you lived, though you didn't ever know it when you lived, because we don't always tell each other things that matter.  It's the characters, but it's true in life as well.)

Been just torrential rain coming down for the past six hours.  Need to do something for my throat.

Decide

Think I'll at least prepare for the "pre-auditions" in February. Don't know if I should try to do a classical piece, or just two contrasting contemporary. The dilemma being that the common practice seems to be that if you perform two pieces, one is contemporary, one is classical, but I don't have classical training, and am definitely not doing Shakespeare. Too bad that class got cancelled over the summer. From the comments on the forum, don't think I should sing either...so that leaves two monologues. The pre-auditions give you feedback on what's working, what is not, and give you the green light (or not) for the general auditions. If you don't get in, you can try again the next year. I could use the feedback regardless, not really expecting to the get the green light. The monologue I just did is sorta' a black comedy, not sure if I should use it or not, mostly because I'm not sure what to contrast it with.

I was late meeting with classmates after work, took longer to get there than I thought, the meeting place was moved further north. Got one session in and someone gave me a ride to choir practice, which was great, because the sky started to dump rain again, and it was a much further walk than I was thinking. We are working on Christmas music, happily we are doing some new music, at least new to me. Unfortunately, the more difficult one is in Swedish, I have a hard time with Swedish...I don't know how to phonetically spell it out. I mostly have the Finnish down now. We are also singing in Latin.

Still feeling pretty blank. Still making myself write. Feeling completely overwhelmed with scheduling, with everything going on in my life, and in the world, I might add. And all the things I have to do, like buy cleaning supplies for the house, so I can deduct it from my rent so I can get my rent paid on time. And I haven't had time to do it. Maybe before work tomorrow? And cook...and get that other bill paid that I forgot about last month. And I have to get 3-4 more meetings scheduled for class before Sunday, and I'm working Friday night...at least there will be food there. Need to be creative with food, got $20 until the tenth after all the bills are paid. My shoes have all fallen apart, too. Maybe I can do a medical reimbursement...I'm not feeling sorry for myself, I'm just completely overwhelmed with everything. Yeah, I chose to go to school, so I'll have to live with it. I won't get rich doing art, but it keeps me alive. It fills back in all the places that were empty and burnt out, in a way that other things don't, and so that's worth it, for the hope and the joy of it...but there's the other reality of money and I'm slamming into that (I knew I would). Just have to get through it somehow. I have to admit, I do hate being poor.

Choir number two

My singing is better, and it doesn't hurt, but my throat is a little raw and my voice is noticeably lower when I speak.  Everything was very, very high.  Here's a picture of parked cars.

Cars along the wall/L Herlevi 2013