Scratchy

Did my mirror tonight, which was also a huge weight off of my shoulders.  Ended up singing: Bobby Mcgee, Defying Gravity, Dreaming is Free and a song a friend of mine wrote when we were in college, also, lots of low growling and my throat is raw from a combination of those.  Someone said I was fearless and someone else said something about there not being any artifice.  And something about "joy?"  There wasn't enough of a break between the two of us to write it all down to remember, and now my notes seem cryptic.  (And I was embodied and present, so why can't I do that in my exercises?  At least I know I am capable.  Just need to find the mechanism, or I suppose the permission and commitment to let myself be that when I am doing scene work with someone else.  This felt simpler.  And the feeding of circumstances/coaching, helped to embody the actions.)

I didn't cry at the end, and I was concerned about that, that I hadn't broke.  I asked about it during our dinner break and she said I broke plenty during the course of the exercise.  (I did however cry, unexpectedly, during Spoon River work, when my partner read.  Someone answering you over time and space; someone heard you; it mattered to them that you lived, though you didn't ever know it when you lived, because we don't always tell each other things that matter.  It's the characters, but it's true in life as well.)

Been just torrential rain coming down for the past six hours.  Need to do something for my throat.