Clearing out heart space

No luck giving the records back before the New Year starts.  Did cleaning and recycled a bunch of stuff, so that's something.  Waiting for the next bus to a party at a friend's house, so I'll write.  (It starts at 7 running 'til whenever, I believe several years ago we all started to fall asleep before midnight.)

So this ex, somehow feel there's more I need to let go of, since he shows up in my life more than most people I know do.  We dated in college, met in theatre.  At the time I probably loved him more than I've loved anybody (as much as that was possible.)  He was very light, I was very heavy (he's a Sag, I'm a Capricorn, and I was going through some heavy shit at the time on top of that.  I was a big ball of exposed nerve endings.)  He made my life a lot more fun, I possibly gave his more weight (he's not superficial, but it is what it is.)  He was romantic in a strange way that worked for me (probably more than anyone I've ever known, weird, goofy gestures; person who left phone message earlier actually comes a very close second.  Not hugely important, but it was nice.  It's sweet, and it shows that the other person is paying attention.  It doesn't replace substance, but I do like it.)  Said something that destroyed me when we broke up, though I now suspect it wasn't entirely true.  We were like oil and water; we never really fought, that I can remember.  I wish him every good thing that could come into his life.  (Please come take your records!)

Phone message.  Good guy, like hanging out with him.  Find myself telling him things I wouldn't think I'd tell anyone.  But, elephants, elephants, elephants in the room.

Person I've imagined I'm in love with.  He made me see myself in a different way, and that's a huge thing.  It changed my life.  But maybe that's all it is...maybe I mistook my own gratitude for love.

Anyway, goodbye to all of that.  I think all of that energy's been stuck for me, and I want to clear it out and start a new year with new space in my life for new energy to blow through.

Happy New Year! Cheers!