No luck giving the records back before the New Year starts. Did cleaning and recycled a bunch of stuff, so that's something. Waiting for the next bus to a party at a friend's house, so I'll write. (It starts at 7 running 'til whenever, I believe several years ago we all started to fall asleep before midnight.)
So this ex, somehow feel there's more I need to let go of, since he shows up in my life more than most people I know do. We dated in college, met in theatre. At the time I probably loved him more than I've loved anybody (as much as that was possible.) He was very light, I was very heavy (he's a Sag, I'm a Capricorn, and I was going through some heavy shit at the time on top of that. I was a big ball of exposed nerve endings.) He made my life a lot more fun, I possibly gave his more weight (he's not superficial, but it is what it is.) He was romantic in a strange way that worked for me (probably more than anyone I've ever known, weird, goofy gestures; person who left phone message earlier actually comes a very close second. Not hugely important, but it was nice. It's sweet, and it shows that the other person is paying attention. It doesn't replace substance, but I do like it.) Said something that destroyed me when we broke up, though I now suspect it wasn't entirely true. We were like oil and water; we never really fought, that I can remember. I wish him every good thing that could come into his life. (Please come take your records!)
Phone message. Good guy, like hanging out with him. Find myself telling him things I wouldn't think I'd tell anyone. But, elephants, elephants, elephants in the room.
Person I've imagined I'm in love with. He made me see myself in a different way, and that's a huge thing. It changed my life. But maybe that's all it is...maybe I mistook my own gratitude for love.
Anyway, goodbye to all of that. I think all of that energy's been stuck for me, and I want to clear it out and start a new year with new space in my life for new energy to blow through.
Happy New Year! Cheers!
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