A dry January

Signed up on facebook for the dry January group, having every intention of not drinking, but while sitting eating breakfast this morning, I remembered the pledge and then also remembered that I had drunk alcohol yesterday, January 1, at a party I went to. I think my reason for signing up was that I don't think about my alcohol consumption. It's true that I hardly ever drink (initially due to severe jaw pain when I drink, most of the time, though not always that began 10 + years ago), but I also am aware that it's a reflex to drink when I do. For instance, someone handed me a glassful of grog (?) at a party I went to, and I enjoyed it, but it completely slipped my mind that I had agreed not to drink. Today is a new day, and I haven't had a drink.

I actually tried to do this on my own a couple months back. My life was feeling out of control, not from alcohol but from debt. And I remember thinking that I felt like an addict, keeping secrets, lying to myself about my debt, being in denial about it. Also, I was thinking of blogging about it, about attempts to be sober. Then I found myself drinking 2 times that week, thoughtlessly, and other things came up and I forgot about it. I probably have a short attention span. At any rate, this is attempt two, and I signed up with other people, so as to be accountable to someone else. Works for me that way.

I thought of two other "resolutions" for the new year: 1) to write everyday; and 2) to do something artistic everyday, because these are things I say are important to me, but I don't make enough effort. Also, I have an art show next month, and haven't a clue what I'm gonna do for it. I signed up for the date a year ago with ideas in my head that fell through, so, need to come up with something new and frame it in a month. I have two decent sized walls to fill. I didn't write yesterday, and my artistic endeavour was to make Hoppin' John, which might count, as it was new to me. Tasted alright. (I always wanted to be a photographer, but am a better cook than a photographer. I'm in a rut, I know what I'm lacking, but don't know how to break through. And am taking an acting class, as I'm a better photographer than an actor, but hoping that if I can crash outta' myself there it will help me out in the rest of my life. Plus I like acting.)

Peace, Isabel