One of the really good things that came out of my whole bus debacle experience, was that sense of apart-ness I felt. It gave me new insight into my solo piece, and I might do a little re-write, or I might just change the arc of it in performance. The feeling of not belonging, of being an outsider and trying to copy the behavior around you, to blend in, to hide within it. The idea works with how it's already written. The original meaning for me was hearing your own truth amidst the loud voices that constantly cast judgment in your head, the ones so ingrained you don't even necessarily know where they came from, that act like rock solid truths, though they are not. Just someone else's ideas, hopes, and fears, that were never really meant to be yours, but got trapped inside you for a while. The things you have to wrestle free and release.
Every time you think you're done with these things, there is more. So much to let go.
I have a habit of dismantling (which at times, is remarkably painful, and irreversible.)
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