Tuesday

Taking off, November 28/L Herlevi 2015

Haven't had much to say.  Trying to imagine how my life could be different, what I'd need to change, how that would feel, what it would look like.  Overwhelming, and yet...if I look into the future, do I want things to go along the same path they are on?  No.  And the motivation is stronger at the moment, than it has been, so making attempts.  Trying to choose with my eyes open rather than closed. (Active vs. passive.)  That on top of everything that has to be done.  And it doesn't have to be everything all at once, one thing would be enough.  Trying to keep choosing out of love and not fear.  The good thing is, we get to choose over, though the more we act out of fear, the deeper the consequences we have to deal with.  There are always repercussions, even from "not" making a choice.

Finally went out and bought new shoes.  Seems superficial, I suppose, but I've needed them for a while, my feet get wet every time I step outside, if the ground is even slightly damp (and I actually had to ask myself, "Are there actually shoes that are made to not be worn outside?  Why would that be?  These are boots, presumably people wear those outside, so, why do my socks get wet through the soles?"  Curious.)  Anyway, went to DSW, and that place is overwhelming.  Narrowed it down, and then kept trying on the six or so pair trying to imagine what I'd wear them with, and if they were practical in anyway.  Must've been in there for hours, left my house just before 11 am, and caught a bus home just before 6 pm.  There was already a heavy frost on the ground.  (And there are a lot of awful covers of Wham's "Last Christmas."  Just saying.  Must've heard five.)

The Finnish Choir has six or seven gigs over the course of a week-and-a-half.  And I have an audition coming up.  Over the weekend, I'd actually thought it was tonight and was panicking, as I wasn't ready for it.  I had the day wrong.  Still not ready, but I have time.  Need to look into the Shakespeare class, too, see what the audition requirement is.

I took a five-day weekend for the holiday.  We had beautiful (but very cold, for here, anyway) weather the whole time.  I'm happy for the return of the rain, though.  It's cleared out the air.  Am enjoying breathing without feeling like I'm hacking up a lung.  Feeling exhausted from that.