Late, Sunday

Devouring remaining gut-bomb order of rice and beans from Mama's. I suppose stress makes me hungry. We didn't end up doing chair work per se, so I got a little more excited to do the exercises in class though still having a hard time letting my partner's words affect me, i.e., if a roommate repeated what I said over and over again I would get irritated, but I'm not in the Meisner work, and part of it is that I know that they are supposed to repeat me, and knowing that negates my irritation.  (And I'm thinking too much.) 

We are moving fast.  We have added a task to the equation, a task with the highest stakes, the higher the better.  I still feel like we are building on a foundation that I haven't mastered yet, hopefully there is still time for that.  My stakes are higher with some than others right now, but they need to all get there. The stakes are higher right now with the people I'd known before, or have gotten to know a little better because we've worked together a fair amount so far, mostly due to availability.

I'm, a little bummed that whatever is on my computer probably won't allow me to watch a movie, though, perhaps it's a little late for that now.  Maybe I should just go practice balancing something, that was someone else's task, and I volunteered next 'cos I wanted to do it, but I got one of those paddle things with the ball attached and was supposed to hit it 10 or 20 times consecutively, I think I managed 5 at the most, even with my attempts at trying to make the string shorter.  I tried balancing my shampoo bottle on my thumb, but that just kinda' hurt. Cheers.

Tuesday

Out in the yard practicing biomechanics balancing stuff as the day lightens, sun not risen yet, but enough light to see. Flocks of crows fly overhead and robins sing somewhere in the nearby trees. I'm not as centered as I had been, haven't been practicing balancing as much as other aspects. I smacked myself in the forehead only once though.  I practice a lot of the walking and moving stuff at the bus stop and at work; we have a long hallway and a lot of corners around the lobby to my desk.

Somebody posted the zen proverb: "Let go or be dragged." on facebook recently. I have it posted on my desk. For some reason, when nothing else has worked, somehow this really does help me to let go of physical things. And those things carry emotional weight, but they are completely dragging me down. Need to do a Goodwill run and and H&M (they recycle old clothes now) run this weekend. Now, I'm going to go look for butterflies.

I give up trying to understand. I have never been mean or acted inappropriate toward him. He won't even respond to me. (I only asked "why?")  Let go or be dragged.

I was wrong.