Saturday-last day off for a while

Feeling remarkably centered. I want to do this Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) to release emotional blocks (which I know are lurking) but even when I come up with ones out of my head, I don't currently feel any emotional attachment to them. Maybe later. I guess I could also describe this as feeling "blank." Not a bad thing, I guess. I am a blank slate. I suppose that might change tomorrow. Four hours. I just have no idea what to expect, which fuels the apprehension. Well, and all the rumors. I want to be a better actress, and whatever can help me get there, to access tools that would be helpful, is useful, though I don't want to be abused. I suppose that's my fear, but even that isn't really moving me much right now. It's more intellectual, a rememberence of how I've felt, and I need to generate an emotional response to do the EFT work. I only have access to the workshop for a few more hours. I'll have to write down as much as I can, work on it on my own tomorrow.

Went to a park with a friend last night (whom I haven't seen in a couple of months and probably won't see for a couple more.) We watched freight trains pass by and went on a short hike. It woulda' been longer, but it suddenly got dark in the trees even though the sun hadn't set yet, and we didn't have a flashlight. I told him that the new growth on Douglas fir trees was edible, so he tried it, said it was sweet. It is edible, though I don't remember if I've ever actually eaten it, I didn't actually expect that he would.

This year has been like swimming underwater, I am enjoying the new environment with those who are with me, but am rarely coming up for air and light. And somehow trying to remain in contact with all the people above the surface, whom I still love and want in my life. All the water between us distorts sight and cuts out sound, and the energy spent in the swim, makes it more difficult to keep in touch. I still need a lot of time to myself.

Someone mentioned chocolate

Video presentations in a hour and then that's done.  Someone mentioned there'd be chocolate. Final tomorrow. Rehearsal tonight.  Need to work on action, definitely have all the lines down, have varying ideas of why I'm saying them. We have two hours to run it. Someone on the bus last night inspired me to write haiku again, but my mind's been pretty blank since I stepped off of the bus. Ride was weirder than usual.  (I no longer have the crush, but he was the best thing in the movie.)

My other two classes are full now, so definitely running. Five more weeks until I face what scares me the most. (And if I make it through that, maybe everything else will seem easier to face by comparison.) I should take some time off in July, the last two weeks I'm in class 22 hours/week (split over 5 days.)

I should have waited to eat lunch, people keep offering me food.

Ugh. So far to go. Don't know how to proceed. And I still don't know what to do for the collage. I feel like the expectations are really high, and I don't want to be lame. I am often in this same spot.