Long bus ride

Lights flashed red in the distance, all the way across the road, or on a corner, I thought. Couldn't figure out what it was, must've not realized where I was. Turned out to be the drawbridge up. We sat there for about ten minutes waiting. And waiting. And waiting.

I missed the bus I left early for, because I had the wrong schedule in my head, I coulda' done a second session, I did a partial one, thinking my bus was at a later time. I waited, and then walked to another stop. Caught a different bus. It's been over an hour.

At the edge of a rabbit hole, will have to drop into it; don't think I have, yet. We've been working on trust, and today we worked on empathy. It's actually similar to a practice I do when I'm frustrated with someone, or need to forgive, or understand them because there is an impasse, a wall. We looked at each other, really looked at each other and then imagined the other in a different place or time, and imagined the other at a very young age, at a very old age, through a range of circumstances. In regular life I don't practice that looking at the other person, they are not usually present, obviously. I will say that in regular life, those relationships have transformed. It has helped me to understand the other person and to not take things as personally, but to realize there is this whole history of why they respond/behave like they do. Again, I haven't done it in a while, it opens me up too much.  Anyway, the version we did was a great exercise, even if I did have trouble in the imagination department today, it changed how I felt about that actor, and I think it changed how we relate.

And then I was a little scared to do the chair exercises. Ironic. I was afraid I would be boring, wouldn't be able to do the exercise correctly, yada, yada, yada...it was fine. And then we went even deeper and there seemed to be a general apprehension in the room, but that might also have to do with not quite understanding it. It was to get us to pay attention to even the most subtle reactions in our partner. Oh, the levels of needed vulnerability grow, and walls come up and walls will fall. They have to. They have to. It's kinda' the point: you have to be available on stage. We'll see if anything I've done this year has helped blast through any walls or knocked back the chips. Laughter is no longer the only strong emotional response. It's like therapy. Yea.

Someone mentioned chocolate

Video presentations in a hour and then that's done.  Someone mentioned there'd be chocolate. Final tomorrow. Rehearsal tonight.  Need to work on action, definitely have all the lines down, have varying ideas of why I'm saying them. We have two hours to run it. Someone on the bus last night inspired me to write haiku again, but my mind's been pretty blank since I stepped off of the bus. Ride was weirder than usual.  (I no longer have the crush, but he was the best thing in the movie.)

My other two classes are full now, so definitely running. Five more weeks until I face what scares me the most. (And if I make it through that, maybe everything else will seem easier to face by comparison.) I should take some time off in July, the last two weeks I'm in class 22 hours/week (split over 5 days.)

I should have waited to eat lunch, people keep offering me food.

Ugh. So far to go. Don't know how to proceed. And I still don't know what to do for the collage. I feel like the expectations are really high, and I don't want to be lame. I am often in this same spot.