Maybe laughing too much

I don't know if it's a form of hiding behavior or just that with different people you will have a different working energy, but there are two people I've been working with that I just laugh the whole friggin' time. And I sometimes feel kinda' bad about it, but it's what comes up.  Maybe we are avoiding things; or maybe we just need to laugh...and being able to laugh that much, regularly, is fairly recent for me (since Portugal).  There are a couple people that I usually end up crying with as well, they hit something routinely.  Every time I work with them (both the laughing and the crying) I have the same sorta' reactions. Will have to move beyond those things though, I imagine.

I ran into a friend on the bus yesterday, she asked why I was putting myself through all of this, I answered that I wanted to act.  But also, I think for most things that you want to do, it takes work or practice to get better at them; there's often a struggle as part of the learning process.  I do want to perform, but even if I never do (again), I'll be freer for all the work.

I think my trees are gone now.  On Monday, the arms were all removed, just the bare trunks remained.  I haven't been back since.

Afternoon

Well, the editing software that we have on the computer doesn't seem to want to let us do fine enough cutting, so we might have to find some other software to edit on. The good part is that we got the super rough edit done, and it's in the order we want (but at 17 minutes, too long, and with another rough cut we can cut the time at least by half, some shots I only want a couple seconds of.) The other good part was the bad stuff was hilarious and I really needed to laugh. (We probably don't need to keep the last segment in, but it is oddly a very Finnish moment.) Then I went and used another one of the prescription massages, and came home and dealt with the garbage, getting a shard of glass in my hand in the process, it bled a lot, so hopefully won't get infected. My former housemate left a very long and convoluted message on my answering machine, at one point talking about skateboarding past my house last night. That actually made me laugh, too. I need to reserve space for the editing again. (And I didn't realize how much I talk like a valley girl until I watched the video or that my voice tone in Finnish is totally different than when I speak in English.  Guess I write like a valley girl, too.)

The traffic slows, the light fades and the robin sings its evensong.

Monday-the best reaction is sometimes laughter

Oh, holy cow! I think I understand where the elephant came from. I don't know what to do about it yet, but I get it.

Someone is definitely listening. Definitely has a sense of humor.  Laughing is good.