Thursday

Woke up early, fell back asleep and had a meandering dream that involved: On the Boards, SIFF, my parent's house, Whole Foods, and eventually Bosnia.  I woke up suddenly (and late, almost 7 am) from where I was witnessing a parade of giant "men" who were going to battle it out and looked down to realize I was carrying a Holga and not a digital camera like I'd thought, and therefore, had not actually taken any of the pictures I'd thought I'd taken, that the film must not be advancing properly.  Woke up happy, wistful and groggy.  The grogginess has lasted all day.  (The parade had two different sides "devils" and "saints" they converged where I was standing.  They were a little frightening, both in numbers and in size and in that I and  the people I was with, other travelers, were the only people to witness it.)  I was happy because I like to travel and everything was beautiful to me.  Maybe I just need a vacation; been a while.

I didn't do an individual exercise tonight, though we all practiced walking up and down stairs. I need to work more on the walking up, the walking down has improved.  On the up, the leg swings forward at the hip joint, but I'm somehow trying to lift it, which is extra work.  She suggested (via email) that I work on a monologue (or text) but I didn't have it on me, been carrying it around for so long it was a  relief to take it out of my bag.  I wanted to work on either the moment before, or having to "hit" an emotional cue (usually because it was written in by the playwright.)  I have trouble with both, and if there's a different way that might work for me, I'm all for trying it.  (I never want to have to lie, and right now, I feel like I would have to fake it, if there's a way to get there truthfully, for me, I'd like to find it.)  I'll try to do it tomorrow.

Today I've been feeling overwhelmed with the new information.  It's different enough, in some ways, from what I knew previously, that it's almost too much.  My brain is feeling pretty fried trying to juggle everything, make sense and integrate it together as much as possible, if it is possible, and if not, to decide which bits are kept and which rejected.  Because of this, I'm also all over the map regarding the ETI program.  I have to decide by July 15. There are so many factors, I just don't know.

No Snow, Yet

As oft repeated, "Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain."  I was thinking that, and then it was the next heading in the book I'm reading.  My disgust over biased reporting grows and grows.  Who can you trust?  Being informed citizens is an important pillar of democracy, and it's hard to be informed when you are being fed someone else's agenda, and we're bombarded from all sides.  Picked up the Beauvoir book today, quite the tome.  Got my haircut this morning, it looks healthier, but more conservative than I like.  I wanted it for headshots...maybe if I wear eye make-up...Stopped in at a wine tasting, got a little tipsy as the pours were generous and there were seven of them (and I hadn't gotten around to eating yet.)  Surprisingly, I liked the Cab-I don't, usually- it was more rounded than what I've had before, but bought a white because I mostly just wanted it to make risotto, and it was less expensive.  A man was visiting from Japan, and somehow I ended up in that party and so they shared this Japanese chocolate with me.  Wonderful.  The most luscious milk-chocolate I've ever tasted.

Finally saw the record-wanting ex again today, it's been since Christmas Eve, but he was in a truck waving at me in an intersection, so not the best time to tell him to come get his records.  I hope I see him again, before I have to move.

The local news station has rain in the forecast, the University weather lists 80% chance of snow, I'll hope for the latter.  It's chilly out.  I'm lazily watching a movie now because it's due tomorrow.  I also have a concert (tomorrow) that I didn't know about until yesterday and I told my scene partner I'd meet him at 4:30 to go over text, since we have to be off-book for class later on.  I guess I'll sing the first half of the concert, I can't stay the whole time, the venue isn't the easiest to get to class from by bus.  I really need to write these things down somewhere.

Been having vivid dreams; they leave me happy.  Then I wake up and imagine the worst case outcome, (would work for class), and then a neutral one.  Then all day, I don't know what I think or feel.  Need to stop driving myself nuts.  Patience.  There's nothing I can do.  Nothing I should do.