After work

Went and got a massage after work, was slightly late because I was explaining what Shuttle Express was to someone that needed to get to the airport in the morning. The therapist had calluses on his fingers which felt like sandpaper in my armpit, I so, just wasn't breathing. He spent so much time working on my neck, jaw, face and arms that he rushed through working around my shoulder blades (the thing that was bothering me, but everything hurt) and shoved his weight into the knots around my shoulders so hard that I ended up with these super deep lines all the way down my face from below my eyes to my jawline where my face dug into the head rest. I waited a little while before I walked outside, but I still think I looked like I had some scarification on my face. I walked between some kids sitting on either side of the sidewalk and as I passed them one asked if I wanted to hear a joke, when I said "no" he then asked if I wanted to make out with him. I'll take that as a compliment. (It wasn't asked in a creepy way.) I'm probably twice his age, even if I look young. (I did say "no" by the way, and "thanks for asking.")

I went to go water. On the bus this other kid was listening to his headphones. He started moving from seat to seat, and then pulling the stops and going as if to get off the bus, but then leaning to look out the windows and doors and at who was on the bus, but not getting off. Eventually, he ended up really close to the driver, kinda' dancing in the space between the driver and the door. It would be weird any day, but a driver got shot this morning, so it was weird at how much he was in the driver's space. I noticed he had a white band on his arm, and the bus goes by a hospital...maybe he was coming off painkillers or something. Totally in his own universe. I got off before he did.

Got a few ripe tomatoes, I think. Again, I'm not sure what they look like ripe, but picked them anyway. (These are orangy-red with green streaks) Right before I was finished watering, the crows started making a ruckus. I figured they'd found a hawk or owl or something. I half-looked and saw a lumpy shape in the trees. I walked over underneath the trees as I was leaving. I stood there and looked up at the "lump" which turned out to be a barred owl, I think. When I got there, the crows left, and the owl eventually turned it's head forward and then looked down at me. Then, satisfied, it pulled up it's foot and scratched at it's face and groomed itself, occasionally re-making eye contact with me. I waved good-bye to it and left. Always cool to make contact with wildlife. (Am glad it didn't swoop down at me.) http://www.owlpages.com/image.php?image=species-Strix-varia-18
This is a link to an owl picture with it's leg showing. I think they have cool-looking legs.

When I was almost home, a couple of Great Blue Herons circled overhead, squawking to each other. I haven't gone birding in a while, I suppose they are coming to me today.

Oh, and we are supposed to give the names and email addresses of our two guests plus which show they are coming to for the performance by noon tomorrow...I haven't a clue. It's such short notice. I didn't even know what time the show was at officially.

Breathe...this post sounds frantic, even to me.

17 hours

Well, made it 17 hours. One of the omelets for the sensory tour turned out, but I don't normally buy ham, and the ham I bought (for a western) is way too sweet, maybe salvageable with tabasco? Next time, only two eggs in the pan at a time, they are actually edible, just a lot of browning. I almost thought about ordering some and picking them up, but since we are also doing the video shoot today and since there are no restaurants near where I am, I just don't have the time. I hope it's good enough. (I suspect there are a few vegetarians in the class. And I considered making some vegetarian, but it wouldn't have been authentic to the world of the play.) Spot and company were going nuts outside the kitchen window the whole time I was cooking. Very loud cawing. Very early. I eventually fed them part of the overcooked omelet. That seemed to please them.

Things won't be any different today. Still need to cut back on how much I'm on these things. Wean myself away, give my heart a break. (What can I say? Emotions ARE irrational, even if I do sound like Mr. Spock.) Actually get some work done. Acts of kindness to myself. (Someone told me they were holding me in their thoughts over the cold, and it seems to mostly be over, which is nice. I had a cough for almost four months after the cold I had at Christmas. That ongoing throat pain seems to feel better today as well. I've kinda' learned to live with it, since I have to pay the old doctor bills before I acquire any new ones.  I haven't sung in a while, but would like to again.)

There were things that were supposed to be covered in previous acting classes, but weren't...so I feel a little behind on the learning curve, however, other parts are making a lot more sense to me, such as how to go about learning lines (which seems obvious now, but I'd never heard to learn them without any emotions attached.) I had heard that every response you make is a response to what your partner gives you, but that is beginning to be more than just words to me. I haven't even started on how she moves, which is part of who she is, but I'm still putting together her past, and there are still blanks, blanks that need to get filled (why'd she drop out of high school? who told her she didn't have what it takes to be an actress? why'd her mother leave? why were they poor?-she grew up during an economic boom.) Am still somewhat unclear on what exactly she wants, I feel she wants to get to know him better, but he keeps rushing the relationship ("I want to marry you") and she's trying to keep away from that conversation...I think wants/needs are supposed to be in the positive, so need to reframe it. Will also attempt to go see Tennessee Williams One Acts soon.