The crows have started early

I should get up and see what they are up to. All the sensory tours went well but we only got to two scenes, ours and one more, so we won't do ours next week, which means we really need to work on our own and get this down. His needs/wants are pretty strong, mine change from moment to moment, and it was a big chunk of material last night and it went too fast for me to latch on to any of them. Scene partner said he'd work that with me this week, we can probably do that without rehearsal space, I'm feeling unanchored on stage. Do I want to believe there are other options besides abandonment, abuse and contempt? I think I do, but am I convinced that something better will never be in my cards because it never has been? He's trying to convince me that there are more options. He's definitely more the optimist.  I'm afraid to hope, afraid of change, I think. Afraid of his intensity.  Intensity=abuse in my past.

Video is done shooting. We need to figure out how to edit, how we want it sequenced and do voice-overs (which I'll need to write, but can't yet, because I don't know what we're using from Monday's shoot yet.) I read somewhere that people who are doing what they love always seem to have so much energy and get a lot done, and while that may be true, there is a point where even they have taken on too much to give their best to what they are doing, and I'm definitely beyond that point this quarter. Still have a quiz today, so I guess I'll leave now and try to get some studying in before class (three hours from now.) And gonna go see what Spot and company are up to (I suspect they may have gotten into the garbage, someone left the lid off.) Only 15 hours of social media break this time.

Nope, no garbage digging, they must've just been making a ruckus for the fun of it.

(And so, can I do the Shakespeare class without spreading myself too thin? It's only four weeks, but do I need a break? I feel like life goes by so fast and opportunities arrive and slip past and sometimes you don't get a second chance. But is this one I need? And Shakespeare runs into the intense clown class running into the performance class and then it's early September. By then I'll know if I'm doing Meisner or not. Besides applying, and being accepted, it would also require a scholarship for me to do it.)

Survived the last quiz. Video project and final to get through, then just the theatre class. Glad I got dropped from working on the conference, just wouldn't have been able to put enough effort into it.

17 hours

Well, made it 17 hours. One of the omelets for the sensory tour turned out, but I don't normally buy ham, and the ham I bought (for a western) is way too sweet, maybe salvageable with tabasco? Next time, only two eggs in the pan at a time, they are actually edible, just a lot of browning. I almost thought about ordering some and picking them up, but since we are also doing the video shoot today and since there are no restaurants near where I am, I just don't have the time. I hope it's good enough. (I suspect there are a few vegetarians in the class. And I considered making some vegetarian, but it wouldn't have been authentic to the world of the play.) Spot and company were going nuts outside the kitchen window the whole time I was cooking. Very loud cawing. Very early. I eventually fed them part of the overcooked omelet. That seemed to please them.

Things won't be any different today. Still need to cut back on how much I'm on these things. Wean myself away, give my heart a break. (What can I say? Emotions ARE irrational, even if I do sound like Mr. Spock.) Actually get some work done. Acts of kindness to myself. (Someone told me they were holding me in their thoughts over the cold, and it seems to mostly be over, which is nice. I had a cough for almost four months after the cold I had at Christmas. That ongoing throat pain seems to feel better today as well. I've kinda' learned to live with it, since I have to pay the old doctor bills before I acquire any new ones.  I haven't sung in a while, but would like to again.)

There were things that were supposed to be covered in previous acting classes, but weren't...so I feel a little behind on the learning curve, however, other parts are making a lot more sense to me, such as how to go about learning lines (which seems obvious now, but I'd never heard to learn them without any emotions attached.) I had heard that every response you make is a response to what your partner gives you, but that is beginning to be more than just words to me. I haven't even started on how she moves, which is part of who she is, but I'm still putting together her past, and there are still blanks, blanks that need to get filled (why'd she drop out of high school? who told her she didn't have what it takes to be an actress? why'd her mother leave? why were they poor?-she grew up during an economic boom.) Am still somewhat unclear on what exactly she wants, I feel she wants to get to know him better, but he keeps rushing the relationship ("I want to marry you") and she's trying to keep away from that conversation...I think wants/needs are supposed to be in the positive, so need to reframe it. Will also attempt to go see Tennessee Williams One Acts soon.