January 7 and day 2

The rain fell softly down while I waited for the bus.  I liked the way it hit the windshield: a soft mist, interspersed with a few hard, solid drops.  Backlit with the growing daylight.  Thought about shooting it, but felt intrusive, so I didn't.  Favorite thing I've seen today, so far.  Feeling resistance.

Eleven more weeks after tonight, and at the end I will still be yet a different person from who I am today.  There's a lot going on now, mostly the class, but other things are churning as well, all with life-altering potential.  I'm trying to believe I'll be ready.

And it's funny that I work myself into a state of nervousness the closer it gets to the time for me to leave for class.  The thing is, yes, it's always stretching forward, but it's within the realm of possibility to move in that direction, it's not so far forward as to cause paralysis (usually.)  The sudden direction to add singing into the process on Sunday made me panic.  It wasn't that I was afraid of singing in front of people, (there were six of us in the group), it was more that I was afraid my subconscious wouldn't deliver and I'd fail.  I think I put to much pressure on the spontaneous reaction, and what I think that looks like.  I coulda' sung anything, it wasn't going to be "wrong."

Tonight, weighted down by self-consciousness (and my clothing felt restrictive), need to figure out how to come out of that.  Music helps, ironically, I keep choosing Beatles' (and Estonian) songs.  I can daydream on the bus at the drop of a hat, and I can sit and be part of the audience and my imagination goes all over the place, but not when I'm on the spot.  Need to figure out why, and what to do about it.

On a bright note, I asked Robin about suggesting a coach for auditions and the person she suggested was the person I originally wanted to ask, and then when I walked out on break she was in the lobby, so I asked her.  Need to email her as well.  Nice bit of synchronicity.  This is coming up way too soon.

Only shot three pictures today, since I didn't take a break (because of leaving early for class.)

Lamp post Jan 7/L Herlevi 2014

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Day 2

Or I could make a bunch of characters up that speak at different pitches until I find a pitch I like that is closer to my natural resonance. We have so much wrapped up in the identities we've created.

We finally got to see pictures from the rehearsal. I look a bit crazy in most of mine, my eyes are really wide open. There are a lot of a couple of the scenes and not much of the rest of us. (And admittedly, in the scene with the most of photos, they look great.)  Only one of the prologue/epilogue.

The only Meisner exercise I had heard of before is the "chair" exercise. We started that tonight. Doing it for a half hour is going to be a struggle, though I suspect that's part of the point, to break through that (like meditation.) I think the other part is to really listen to your partner and respond instinctively, letting go of: 1) hiding behaviors (that term did come from theatre); 2) ego; and 3) the intellect having control. It's not the intellect that gives the first thoughts or responds in the moment. Stripping the house down to the studs. And then rebuilding it.

I really am a newbie, about half the class seems to be actively working on shows now. Haven't decided if I will try for the winter cattle call auditions or not. I might, it would be a good learning experience. I know very little about auditioning, and I don't have headshots. But that's four months away. Time does go by quickly, I'll have to start working on monologues and reading now. Should be always doing that anyway.

Oh, I was going to comment that there is an absurdity to repeating the same word or two words over and over and over again: they lose all meaning and start to sound really strange coming out of your mouth. My first partner and I kept busting up laughing, which was fine, because it was a real reaction in the moment. And then she did the same word on the next round which made it even funnier. But we stayed connected and repeating the word even when we were laughing through the whole thing. I'm sure all emotions come up with this.

'Night.

All the ibuprofen has made my stomach hurt. Really hurt. I probably need to stop:(