Eleven more weeks after tonight, and at the end I will still be yet a different person from who I am today. There's a lot going on now, mostly the class, but other things are churning as well, all with life-altering potential. I'm trying to believe I'll be ready.
And it's funny that I work myself into a state of nervousness the closer it gets to the time for me to leave for class. The thing is, yes, it's always stretching forward, but it's within the realm of possibility to move in that direction, it's not so far forward as to cause paralysis (usually.) The sudden direction to add singing into the process on Sunday made me panic. It wasn't that I was afraid of singing in front of people, (there were six of us in the group), it was more that I was afraid my subconscious wouldn't deliver and I'd fail. I think I put to much pressure on the spontaneous reaction, and what I think that looks like. I coulda' sung anything, it wasn't going to be "wrong."
Tonight, weighted down by self-consciousness (and my clothing felt restrictive), need to figure out how to come out of that. Music helps, ironically, I keep choosing Beatles' (and Estonian) songs. I can daydream on the bus at the drop of a hat, and I can sit and be part of the audience and my imagination goes all over the place, but not when I'm on the spot. Need to figure out why, and what to do about it.
On a bright note, I asked Robin about suggesting a coach for auditions and the person she suggested was the person I originally wanted to ask, and then when I walked out on break she was in the lobby, so I asked her. Need to email her as well. Nice bit of synchronicity. This is coming up way too soon.
Only shot three pictures today, since I didn't take a break (because of leaving early for class.)
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| Lamp post Jan 7/L Herlevi 2014 |
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