God, it's beautiful out today! (Could hear birds singing outside my window again this morning. Been a long time.) Feels like spring, and the cherry trees are starting to bloom, but snow is a possibility again this weekend. A tease, really, probably just up north. Winter and spring duking it out for dominance. Winter will win for the weekend, temporarily.
The day I wrote about the immune-system, I found a woman who wrote about RA and I wrote to her. She sent me an e-book today. I was thinking about it when I woke up and later found the email. I am so grateful. I've seen a lot of this info in bits and pieces before, but it's good to have it all in one place. I don't drink enough water, and I take too many anti-inflammatories (which probably make things worse because they can damage your gut lining, make it more permeable which in turn can cause more food insensitivities.) Didn't realize how prevalent corn was, don't think I'm allergic to it, but might eliminate it for a while anyway, just to see if I feel better without it (four pages of stuff that it's in.) The best I've ever felt (except I was always hungry) was the six weeks I was on a (very strict) elimination diet. My doctors kept me on it for so long and I was so desperate for food, that the testing of eliminated food didn't go as planned, so I never did figure anything out. It's more typical to eliminate food for a couple of weeks. (This was long before I got sick, I just had allergies.) But I felt great.
We did more visualization work last night, based on the text. I have a hard time with it, I have to force myself to think of something else to get off the initial image...anyway, that led to some interesting places (a frog wearing a crown.) But I saw the character I'm trying to communicate with, as a little boy, and I was so overwhelmed with love for him. And that helps with how even though he did things I would see as bad in later life, why I still continued to love that boy, and believe in the fire burning inside. Maybe, even if only once, someone believed each of us was the most lovely thing they ever encountered. Someone loved you, and everyone else you come in contact with. And that love is still there, somewhere inside. You are still loved.
Showing posts with label synchronicity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label synchronicity. Show all posts
Friday, February 28, 2014
Sunday, January 26, 2014
Saturday
Just got home from catering gig, reception for a dance troupe...they were very nice. I was feeling edgy (for the last few hours) eventually had to leave because my bus was gonna stop running soon and I was getting really bossy. Not sure what that was all about. A little stressed about the homework for tomorrow, still not sure what I'm doing my two-minute impassioned speech about. I feel passionate about a lot of things, but when I have to...hitting my very regular wall: emotions/imagination going flat when I need to call on them. Sigh. (Got more songs I'll sing though.)
Went grocery shopping before the catering job, and was telling the cashier I had bought too much and wasn't sure how I was going to carry it home and just as I said that, my boss stopped at the end of the register and offered me a ride home, which I took her up on. I have odd instances of synchronicity.
The first picture is because it seemed to me that the fog made the skyline look taller somehow, and the second was of a house that's decorated for all holidays.
Went grocery shopping before the catering job, and was telling the cashier I had bought too much and wasn't sure how I was going to carry it home and just as I said that, my boss stopped at the end of the register and offered me a ride home, which I took her up on. I have odd instances of synchronicity.
The first picture is because it seemed to me that the fog made the skyline look taller somehow, and the second was of a house that's decorated for all holidays.
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| Skyline, Jan 25/L Herlevi 2014 |
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| Heart, Jan 25/L Herlevi 2014 |
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
January 7 and day 2
The rain fell softly down while I waited for the bus. I liked the way it hit the windshield: a soft mist, interspersed with a few hard, solid drops. Backlit with the growing daylight. Thought about shooting it, but felt intrusive, so I didn't. Favorite thing I've seen today, so far. Feeling resistance.
Eleven more weeks after tonight, and at the end I will still be yet a different person from who I am today. There's a lot going on now, mostly the class, but other things are churning as well, all with life-altering potential. I'm trying to believe I'll be ready.
And it's funny that I work myself into a state of nervousness the closer it gets to the time for me to leave for class. The thing is, yes, it's always stretching forward, but it's within the realm of possibility to move in that direction, it's not so far forward as to cause paralysis (usually.) The sudden direction to add singing into the process on Sunday made me panic. It wasn't that I was afraid of singing in front of people, (there were six of us in the group), it was more that I was afraid my subconscious wouldn't deliver and I'd fail. I think I put to much pressure on the spontaneous reaction, and what I think that looks like. I coulda' sung anything, it wasn't going to be "wrong."
Tonight, weighted down by self-consciousness (and my clothing felt restrictive), need to figure out how to come out of that. Music helps, ironically, I keep choosing Beatles' (and Estonian) songs. I can daydream on the bus at the drop of a hat, and I can sit and be part of the audience and my imagination goes all over the place, but not when I'm on the spot. Need to figure out why, and what to do about it.
On a bright note, I asked Robin about suggesting a coach for auditions and the person she suggested was the person I originally wanted to ask, and then when I walked out on break she was in the lobby, so I asked her. Need to email her as well. Nice bit of synchronicity. This is coming up way too soon.
Only shot three pictures today, since I didn't take a break (because of leaving early for class.)
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Eleven more weeks after tonight, and at the end I will still be yet a different person from who I am today. There's a lot going on now, mostly the class, but other things are churning as well, all with life-altering potential. I'm trying to believe I'll be ready.
And it's funny that I work myself into a state of nervousness the closer it gets to the time for me to leave for class. The thing is, yes, it's always stretching forward, but it's within the realm of possibility to move in that direction, it's not so far forward as to cause paralysis (usually.) The sudden direction to add singing into the process on Sunday made me panic. It wasn't that I was afraid of singing in front of people, (there were six of us in the group), it was more that I was afraid my subconscious wouldn't deliver and I'd fail. I think I put to much pressure on the spontaneous reaction, and what I think that looks like. I coulda' sung anything, it wasn't going to be "wrong."
Tonight, weighted down by self-consciousness (and my clothing felt restrictive), need to figure out how to come out of that. Music helps, ironically, I keep choosing Beatles' (and Estonian) songs. I can daydream on the bus at the drop of a hat, and I can sit and be part of the audience and my imagination goes all over the place, but not when I'm on the spot. Need to figure out why, and what to do about it.
On a bright note, I asked Robin about suggesting a coach for auditions and the person she suggested was the person I originally wanted to ask, and then when I walked out on break she was in the lobby, so I asked her. Need to email her as well. Nice bit of synchronicity. This is coming up way too soon.
Only shot three pictures today, since I didn't take a break (because of leaving early for class.)
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| Lamp post Jan 7/L Herlevi 2014 |
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Monday, October 14, 2013
Synchronicity
Having a silly bout of synchronicity. On Friday night I was listening to the radio, and there was a segment with Ian Doescher about his book "William Shakespeare's Star Wars, " where he wrote out the dialogue of Episode IV in iambic pentameter. Found the book on Saturday, and was reading it on the bus ride to class on Sunday morning, where I found out one of my classmates is doing a staged reading of it next Sunday. It's an enjoyable read.
Maybe my resistance is a fear of losing control; that if I go there, I won't find a way back out. A fear of all the voices that told me I was weak or a victim getting to be right, and I resist letting them be right, it's a superficial judgment, they didn't know me, much. There was always so much chaos in my life, I really fear losing control. I have to be able to, obviously, if I want to work in theatre. It's a safe place to do it. It's no longer my responsibility to hold the universe together, it never should have been in the first place. If my world collapses, then it does. (Easier said than done. Chaos=violence to me, and that terrifies me.) Fear of rejection of true self? Gotta let that one happen, too. This is the safest place I have to explore that.
Maybe my resistance is a fear of losing control; that if I go there, I won't find a way back out. A fear of all the voices that told me I was weak or a victim getting to be right, and I resist letting them be right, it's a superficial judgment, they didn't know me, much. There was always so much chaos in my life, I really fear losing control. I have to be able to, obviously, if I want to work in theatre. It's a safe place to do it. It's no longer my responsibility to hold the universe together, it never should have been in the first place. If my world collapses, then it does. (Easier said than done. Chaos=violence to me, and that terrifies me.) Fear of rejection of true self? Gotta let that one happen, too. This is the safest place I have to explore that.
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