Uninspired

I had my windows open in the afternoon (at work) and the soft warm breezes blowing in had me itching to get outside, long before I could. Had to convince myself it was actually Tuesday and not Friday already. There's a summer vacation feeling about the world right now. Finally went outside to read in the grass after work, somewhat surprised (not sure why) by how many insects crawled over me. Continually had to flick them off. Eventually got too hot and went to find air-conditioning and tried to get some writing done. It was only in the 80's, but if you grew up here, that's pretty warm. In the place I ended up, the people in the windows kept moving into shadier areas of the room, saying it was too much sun, so it's not just me.



Frame/L Herlevi 2013

The writing was nothing exciting, but it was good to get back in the practice of it. I had a couple of story ideas that I wrote down somewhere a few months back, haven't written anything on them since. Came home to a bathroom full of ants.  Have now tried spraying the bathroom down with vinegar water (1:1). Read somewhere over the weekend that it's supposed to help, at least to kill the scent trail. Worth a try, although everything smells like vinegar now. Will go check shortly to see if it worked. Obviously, the pesticides did not.

Didn't end up submitting any photos to LongShot afterall, deadline was yesterday. I wasn't crazy about anything I had, I haven't gotten the 35 mm film developed, but when I was shooting it, nothing excited me, either. (Did come up with a couple of ideas for personal projects though, need to remember to write them down, if I haven't already.) I also got my resume reviewed by a couple of people today, so that's something. Interview is next week. (One of them did a bunch of editing on it, which is fantastic. I've never written an acting resume-nor seen one, before. I found a template online and used that.)

Legs/L Herlevi 2013

Tethered/L Herlevi 2013

These pictures are a few of the ones that I kinda' like, but didn't seem like anything to submit for a fundraiser. I'm gonna shoot a couple more rolls through the Holga to see if it's worth keeping or not. Will drop them off this weekend to get processed and scanned. I have a scanner, but I don't think I can scan negatives on it, I should check. There's a lot I need to scan. These were shot on an old point-and-shoot digital camera. (Edited and published blogs do not look the same lay-out wise.)

I had an epiphany after I got home, can't remember exactly what it was, something about being myself and to stop worrying about if he despises who I am. Not actually my problem. Something like that. It's been bothering me, and it shouldn't. It would be destructive for me to try to guess who I should be for someone to like me. Even if nobody likes me, I can't keep losing myself to be the flavor of the month. At the end of the day, I'm the one that has to live with me. (It's not really news, it's just that I've been behaving as if I didn't already know this.)

I can hear someone learning the ukelele, through the vents. I might have to take up the banjo for real, now. (Banjo is infinitely louder, but I won't play it at night.) Now off to watch Spanish cooking episodes (Made in Spain-Jose Andres) until I pass out.

Thursday

Well, maybe that's a bit high, perhaps more like 75-80 percent of the time. Need to go write Finnish somewhere now, it's just after 6 am, there should be a coffee shop open. I rarely get any homework done if I'm home, far too distracted. The house is being sprayed for ants (again) tomorrow, which means I should move all my food and seal off my cabinets. We have to be out of the house until at least 5 pm. I wish they would let us know if and where they sprayed, that stuff is nasty. I have a (healthy) fear of being poisoned.  A couple of us have been putting diatomaceous earth around, so, need to clean that up as well tonight.  (Neither of us like doing it, but we'd rather get the ants out that way then have our living space sprayed with poison, the ants are gonna be killed either way. I wish they just wouldn't come in, then we wouldn't have to kill them.)

Really need to be studying more. A few of my short-term goals are to: 1) speak Finnish more; 2) find a group to practice theatre stuff w/regularly; and 3) find an incubator group to meet with regularly to spark creative projects (possible 2 and 3 could be one and the same.) Oh, and to let myself love someone that loves me back.