Naval gazing

Spent the majority of my Saturday gazing at my naval, and going through my CD collection to see what I wanted to part with.  Started on the books as well; now it's just a matter of figuring what to do with them all.  Dealing with all the emotions related to health issues.  Coming to terms with the surgical thing, researching it.  (And on a side note, message boards are filled with horror stories.  I did already know this, and it's good to know worse-case scenarios, but I don't suppose it's the standard experience.  On any review site, or message board, you get the stellar experiences and the horrendous.  Middle-of-the-road experiences don't tend to garner comment, and I imagine those are in the majority.  I remember reading reviews in search of a dentist and all of them had glowing and horror stories.  In the end, I found a toothbrush with a name on it and called it.  Worked out fine.)  I still don't know what the urgency is, I haven't been told the risks on either side; it hadn't seemed like I had the choice to not choose, but I need to emotionally get to the conclusion myself.  Oddly enough, the idea of removing emotional scars surgically, helps, whether or not that is actually what happens.  The idea of it helps with resolution.  And besides that, I do want to live.  (And because there's been no communication yet, I've gone to the worse-case scenario in my head.  My risk is probably rather low.)

Bought some salmon at the farmer's market on Saturday, didn't get around to cooking it.  Sunday morning, while reading email, I heard an explosion, thinking it might be a gunshot or left-over fire cracker, I listened for sirens, but there were none.  Forgetting about that, and trying to find something in the closet, I switched on the overhead light, it fizzled like a disturbed ember; my only thought was that I would need to get new light bulbs and figure out how to reach it (ceilings are high.)  Shortly after the house seemed quiet, and I realized the explosion was a transformer, and that the power was out.  I walked to the store to go buy fruit I'd promised to get; most of the neighborhood had power; someone texted the landlord.  I left for a while.  When I came back four hours later, it was still out, but there was a utility truck down the street.  It came back on sometime after 1 pm.  I had been wondering where I could go to cook the salmon, if the restaurant up the street would do it, if I should fire up the grill (something I don't think I've actually done before), etc.  Turned out okay, had not gone bad, but you know, a reminder to cook or freeze, in the future.

Ran out to go catch a new play, and reception for local jazz scene luminaries.  Felt lucky to be that room.  Ran into my former landlords, from years ago.  They feel like relations to me, and I enjoyed the opportunity to spend some time with them again.  Also, talked to the film maker whose film I was an extra on last winter, found out they are doing a screening in the near future.  Looking forward to seeing it.  (I reconnected with a bunch of people I'd lost touch with, yesterday.) The play itself was "Emboldened, the Rise and Fall of King Bolden the First," by Reginald Andre Jackson, dir. by Robin Lynne Smith, and music by D'Vonne Lewis.  It took me awhile to entirely follow what was going on, but I always enjoy seeing Reginald Andre Jackson and Tracy Hughes perform.  It's an engaging story about "Buddy" Bolden who was a jazz musician in New Orleans at the turn-of-the century.  He introduced a new style of playing (coronet), which changed the course of jazz, but there is no record, no recordings of his music.  The play follows him from his late teens when he picked up the coronet to his early 20's when he had a mental breakdown, was institutionalized, and fell into obscurity.  There is a parallel story of his third child, a daughter that never knew him, searching for a possible cylinder recording of his music.  Good acting (especially the three women in the cast), and great playing by the musicians.  Walked out of the theatre and went to a candlelight vigil for a local community hero, who was gunned down last Thursday, a life snuffed out too soon.  Too many deaths.  Too many answers to disagreements with escalating violence (227 shootings in Seattle this year, according to the Seattle Times.)  Too much loss.  Gaping holes not easily refilled.

Also, came to the realization that an obstacle I'd been grappling with for a while, not knowing how to proceed and feeling stuck, for a long time, was indeed a "do not enter" sign.  I accept that.  It is liberating to finally let go.  With everything lately, my emotions are swinging in a wide arc, which is better than not feeling them.  And yesterday, I fell in love with everyone; with possibility.

And we finally had rain, rain that soaked into the ground, for three days.  The sun is out now, and the heat will return.  But there was a giddiness in the air on Friday, an electricity.  A change.  Context is everything.