Contained in an Hour

Sirens and emergency vehicles block the alley and the street, rerouting traffic on a busy Friday evening as dusk sets in.  No sign of smoke, only the rising the smell of burning plastic.  My bus comes, I exit to cleaner air.

All this as the final play gets out, and a reception. Again, with a friend I haven't spoken to in a while, we talk about worth, and how your life situation doesn't define who you are, but how in our society it does, and how we judge by the surface things: age, sex, color of skin, your native tongue, how much money you make, what your job title is, how much education you have, how coupled you are, etc.  And one of the women in a video shown on stage said that homeless isn't who you are, but rather the situation you find yourself in at the moment.  We are all many things.  We've all been cowards and courageous.  We've been a friend or a destroyer.  We've loved or been fearful.  We've opened ourselves or closed down.  Some have found they had more resilience than others.

And with someone else we both mention how excited we are to be starting the physical training again in a couple of days.  And I tell her about an audition I have, and when she walks away, and I see the other friend, she asks if my life is going well, because I look good.  And it's the joy of everything of this moment (the upcoming class, talking about an upcoming audition, seeing a show, being around actors, being around people who took the time to dig deeper and give a damn.)  And I think the class last year changed me: the relentless message of "don't you see how beautiful you are?" Four hours a night for three weeks, repeated over and over and over.  (Counters all the other noise that tells us we are not.)

And how one minute can seem like an eternity: one minute I have to be clown for an audition (I don't know what that could even be, and that scares the shit out of me, but the courage of those around me inspires me to show up and do it anyway), or the one minute I got the undivided attention of the one I've wanted to talk to for even a minute, for ages (haven't seen you in months.)  And maybe you can love someone you knew for a minute, because in that minute you were both authentic and open, hiding behind nothing.