Holding

Not much going on.  Enjoying the moments of summer, hints of a feeling, a carefree-ness of being a child in the summer.  The feel of running through a sprinkler, bare feet through soft grass and clover, hot pavement...of moments where I don't have to do anything.  Happy laughter.  Birdsong  Insect buzz.  Breezes rustling the leaves, and how different each tree sounds.  Clouds pushing across the sky.  All the flowers in bloom, and the green abundance of summer.  The lingering, deepening colors of dusk as the stars begin to emerge, and the erratic flight of bats, replaces the erratic flight of swallows.  And then waking up to a soft, steady rain on Friday, with it's teenage memories of wishing for rain, because if it rained, we got a day off from the harvesting work.  Savoring all of that.

Was out sick a couple of days last week, possibly food poisoning, probably stress-related (too much drama in one very small corner of my life that is really eating at me, plus one of the people came into my workplace to talk about it, which, to me, was completely inappropriate, felt like they violated a safe place for me), feeling like my insides were being ripped out.  Almost went to the doctor, but 1) couldn't walk even a few feet without doubling over during the worst of it; and 2) didn't have a fever, so figured I'd wait it out.  Mostly just sat around and read cookbooks; I'd found some chairs with a "free" sign on my way home earlier in the week, and had dragged them home to use in the backyard.  The house blocks the afternoon sun, so the backyard stays fairly cool, even when the house gets unbearably hot.

My high school graduating class has a reunion this weekend.  I'm not going.  I don't mind the first social night, but find the dinner awkward, being single.  I have a couple other commitments over the weekend in town, and I'm saving up to finish paying tuition for a class I've signed up for that starts in early September.  The reunion itself was inexpensive, and a couple people offered to give me a ride up there (which I appreciate; car rentals in the summer are expensive), but I'd still need to have found a place to sleep, since I can't stay at my parent's house.  That said, I do need to go up and visit my family soon.  I have gone to three of them, plus a homecoming gathering one year.  (The post-dinner bonfire does sound like fun.)

Been trying to write, but have been too distracted.  Went to this St. James' event on Saturday, his feast day is July 25.  It was a pilgrim thing, we walked from St. Mark's to St. James, and then came back for a potluck.  (The food was fantastic.)  I really need to go on vacation.  Saw a flight for a little over $600 to Madrid, and a similar one to London.  Have that class coming up, though, so can't really take a lot of time off.  Maybe I'll just go camping.