Monday

I'm hungry.  Have downed a couple of "Finn Crisp" crackers to see if they are acceptable...once again, food poisoning, or something.  My boss offered to drive me home if necessary, faster than a bus commute, and a shorter walk.  (I didn't feel sick until I got off the bus and started walking to work, the closest stop is no-where near work.)

Foot in a boot, for the past week.  I'm supposed to keep it on for 10 days, and then increase an hour each day where it is off.  Been having issues since October, so, finally bit the bullet and asked my foot doctor for a boot.  It took some time to get used to walking in it, and level changes and stairs are difficult.  However, there is a great reduction in pain.  (It's been particularly bad since the theatre class in June.)

What I find most interesting about the experience of wearing it, is directly experiencing the barriers that people with mobility issues face: stairs, over-heavy doors, lack of railings, steepness, hills, the extra time one has to take to get anywhere, not only because you might be already moving slower, but also because of the detours involved in the accessible routes, the getting on/off of public transportation, etc.  (And on the note of hills, the hospitals on First Hill all require the navigation of steep hills.)  And, it takes more energy to move.  I'm lucky enough to hopefully be able to take mine off.

The nice thing about the boot, other than the easing of the pain, is that it gives me an excuse to not do anything active, it allows me time to read.  I'm doing this "Library Book Bingo" thing this summer, each square a different type of book/genre to choose from, such as: reread a book you read in school, read a book from the year one of your parents was born, read a book set in a different country, etc.  I have five or six books at the moment.  I started reading this book about owls (two, actually, one by Desmond Morris, and one by Paul Bannick), because I had to wait for all the books I was interested in, and then four of them came in at once.  Out of those, I've read (and immediately wanted to read again) "A Wrinkle in Time," (could be science fiction, banned book, YA book, etc., in bingo card), and was already reading "The New Jim Crow," Stephanie Alexander,  "My Beloved Country," Sonia Sotomayor, and have now started "Brave New World," Aldous Huxley (kinda' boring to me, to start), "Remains of the Day," Kazuo Ishiguro (so much to love: point-of-view, societal change and how that is made manifest in this character/his life, etc.), and then I picked up "Are You My Mother?" by Alison Bechdel (a graphic novel), that I haven't started yet.  I'm competitive, so that eggs me on in my head, but I'm also using it as an excuse to expand the type of things I read, I've been in a rut, re-reading books multiple times rather than picking up something new.  (Just started reading a lot more science fiction.)

I did a bunch of weeding yesterday (needed to be done), with the boot, and I have to wear a heel on the other foot to keep level.  I knew I needed to pick a zucchini, have known that all week.  It was difficult to get to even without the odd footwear, thankfully, one of the neighbors waded into the plant life and cut it off the plant for me: it's a beast.  This is the first successful zucchini planting I've had in about 15 years (the last few years, I've had plants that only produced male flowers, never figured out why.)

My culinary adventure yesterday was figuring out what to do with these spiralized, butternut squash "noodles" I had bought on a whim.  Ended up making something between a latke, spanish tortilla, and a rice "pancake" someone I used to live with made with leftover rice.  Sauteed onion, sage, garlic, then the chopped up squash noodles to soften them a bit; salt, pepper.  Took out of pan to cool, added smoked paprika, that powdery form of Parmesan cheese, some leftover brown rice, and then two, slightly beaten eggs as a binder, and fried them in olive oil.  (No measurements, added until it looked right.  If I make it again, I'll add more sage leaves, there were two, it could use more, and I'd add a scallion when I add the rice.)  Not bad.  Don't think it's what gave me food poisoning, at least I hope not.

Well, that was short-lived

Okay, so I wasn't able to stick to my media fast, I like reading.  (And I have 12 books out from the library, plus three movies...though none of those are "news" related.)

Take a deep breath.  An airing of secrets, a cleansing of corruptions.  I don't want to see retaliation, because that never ends, but there needs to be a reckoning.  People should have to face up to what they did.  There needs to be accountability, or every thing you say you believe in or stand for amounts to nothing.  And until there is accountability, there can be no trust, and we need trust for society to function.

And I can love people who don't think like me, we can disagree.  You can be fully yourself, and hopefully I will also have the courage to do that, by seeing your example of putting yourself out there. (And yet, we are more aligned than not.)  And that that's progress for me right now, there's been a lot of fear living in my head.  (It's just the that courage has been lacking in me, not always the case, it just got dangerous somehow.)  It's the need to always be infallible that keeps a wall up; we could both be right or both be wrong, but neither would tell the whole story of our humanness.  We are all more than one belief or another, or the sum of many.  Again, we need to find common ground, start again, re-create...it's all so volatile.  Where are the cooler heads that can be trusted?

Tuesday evening, reading

Listening to the radio, attempting to write updates on the other neglected blogs. Afterwork, I went to MOD Pizza and read another hundred pages of David Copperfield before returning it, past due, to the library. It was almost 90 degrees but with a pleasant breeze when I left work. I was sitting on the patio area and was visited by a wasp/hornet-type creature. It really wanted my pizza. I tossed it a piece of meat in hopes of it leaving  me alone, and eventually it began to gnaw off bits of that and fly off, to return and do it again. Kinda' interesting. I generally prefer it when they don't bite me.

The sun was a warm, low-slanted glow. A tannish dog with a long face, lay on the sidewalk, tied to a bike rack, waiting to be returned to. It's mouth open in a panting smile, the hairs on it's lower jaw a bright halo in the early evening light.  Walking home, I turned to see a man chase a car and stand in traffic, oblivious to the cars around him, and then passed block party after block party, remembering it was the block party night across the city. My neighborhood never seems to do one, but I could have gone to the one near work, I got a notice about it, but I forgot, plus I didn't have anything to bring.

I was starting to get a headache by the time I left work. I drank water and beer (not the brightest choice) and I still have the headache, but because of the beer, I'm waiting to take anything for it. I suspect I'm dehydrated.  Now, I'm much more into the book, and will have to wait. (I get lost in the writing, it helps me to stop my involuntary (completely involuntary) swooning over him, whom my brain is determined to no longer be into, but apparently my heart isn't listening. The thing is, nothing will come of it, but it's not ego-based for me, whereas with a lot of the other men I meet, not all, it's more about I like that they like me. With him, I just like him. And I like that about me. So, maybe it's all about me. Shrug.)  Maybe I'll get the book again in-between quarters. The show is the weekend after Labor Day, I also have my audition for the scholarship that week. I need to write my application and work on a monologue. They say it should be something I love, but I don't know enough to really love any. I just haven't read enough, lately. I read alot of plays when I was in my early 20's, but that was awhile ago, and I'm not sure I loved any of those anyway, plus I'm older. I guess I'll look this week. I'd rather have one ready than pull something together at the last minute. Plus the application, ahhh, how will this change my life? How will this move me forward? Yeah, need to digest that one. More script work now. It's later than I thought.

Day off

Called in to take the whole day off, had originally only asked for four hours so I could go pick up the film. Have really done nothing, except go to a coffee shop and attempt to read a little more of David Copperfield, got a couple chapters in before I had to leave as the air conditioning was turned up and I was really cold. Eyeing my books now to see which ones I'd like to part with, I'd like to go buy some fruit at the farmer's market tomorrow.

Just ran out of my room to the sound of intense sobbing. I thought something horrible had happened, but it was my housemate's daughter, and I think she's okay. I would be very concerned to hear an adult sob that hard. (I'm pretty sure both my female housemates are home.)  I feel I should do something productive. Purge more stuff. At least make a run to H&M to drop of old, worn-out clothes for recycling. Been meaning to do that since January. Slowly, slowly, letting stuff go. I know I need to, it's just a matter of working up the energy to try to find something useful to do with it besides tossing it in the trash. I think it's true that you have to let go of things to allow life to flow. To allow new things to come into your life. Things are not love, no matter how much sentimentality is attached to them.

Still need to do the resume, that was my main reason for taking the day off, that and I haven't had a vacation day since Christmas, where I didn't have classwork or some other committment and am about to go into a really long over two-month stretch with no days off, since I have classes on weekends and at night. I want to pull myself out of this state of entropy before that starts up again.

Have at least managed to bag up old clothes, but not the books, nor have I made it out the door, nor looked at bus schedules.

I did get rid of the clothes, then wandered around the store because I was enjoying the music. Finally cooked the greens and the artichokes, sore hand be damned. The artichokes were wonderful. Was enjoying them so much I accidently burned the greens a bit, still edible. Pan's okay, smoother now. Should have it burned more often.