Tuesday. Woke up to what I thought was a hawk calling, but when I looked out my window, there was only a very vocal squirrel on the roof, tail up in alarm, talking toward a tree. Never did see what it was focused on. Missed class because I was feeling "dis associative?" As if I was going to get vertigo, and I was concerned about how I would get home if I did. Didn't get worse. Didn't particularly get better.
Went to see a doctor on Wednesday to see if was my ear, but she couldn't reproduce the symptoms, so I don't know. Still feeling odd, but I made it through class last night without any more problems. Now everything hurts. Tiger balm and ibuprofen. We have our performance tonight. Went over everything we will be doing for that, last night. Found myself weak in the legs by the time we got to walking backward. Need more carbs today. More fruit. More water.
Haven't been able to get to the garden all week. There was an unexpected attempt at rain yesterday, but I don't think it helped. I hope everything survives in spite of my lack of attention. Soon.
We'll get out early tonight, but then one more class. Then I'll figure out what's next.
Showing posts with label sore. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sore. Show all posts
Thursday, June 25, 2015
Saturday, January 10, 2015
Broke through a wall
Exhausted, and it's late. Broke through something, I don't know, the group I'm working with, the clothes, the day, the space that feels safe where I've let my guard down before, something clicked. A lot of the self-consciousness that I feel on stage was gone (still felt it when I wasn't on stage), I was able to run with the impulse without wondering if I was having any (this has been a problem), and my energy levels went much higher. All of this in spite of the fact that when it's not my turn, I sit and fret and think I'm gonna suck, that nothing will happen, that I will have to fake it. And then I let the unexpected happen, I played by whatever ridiculous rules presented themselves, and I felt like something finally shifted. I may not always get there in the future, but I got there today, which means I can do it. It's there. A personal victory.
I am also a giant bruise, I seem to have hurt my right foot, and I might have pulled something in my abdomen, though I don't currently feel that. I was pulling myself over a theatre block via the back of my ankles from a starting position of lying on my back, and I felt a twinge in my side. I did make it over. (The block was an obstacle that we had to find a way over.) Except for games, it was mostly solo work again. I think we might do partner work tomorrow.
In spite of my lingering anxiety, today was fantastic. And again, whenever I enter that space, every other worry in my life vanishes, and I am only there. I love that. Seven hours of being present.
Went to a show at ACT after. I was only gonna stay for the first half, but the second half ended up being more meaningful to me. It was a solo show about Shakespeare. One thing he said had to do with nothing Shakespeare wrote was original, he wrote about the human condition, and that's common to all of us, only his language was better. And in that, it should be accessible to all people, you shouldn't have to be "smart enough" to understand it. He also talked about studying voice and speech, and that how to change the way you speak, to make it genuine (not fake, something you put on) you actually have to change yourself since speech is a huge part of our identity. That reminded me of how I was told to raise my pitch (which I haven't done), and how much it freaked me out to think about it. We have so many reasons for why we speak the way we do, what we believe it conveys. But my vocal resonance is higher than where my current pitch is.
Also, when I was driving home on Christmas Eve, my voice was sore, and I started singing "operatic." I have very little pitch control when I do it, would need to work with someone, but interestingly: it didn't hurt to sing that way, my volume probably doubled, and I had a bigger range. Something to explore in the future.
For now, I need to sleep.
I am also a giant bruise, I seem to have hurt my right foot, and I might have pulled something in my abdomen, though I don't currently feel that. I was pulling myself over a theatre block via the back of my ankles from a starting position of lying on my back, and I felt a twinge in my side. I did make it over. (The block was an obstacle that we had to find a way over.) Except for games, it was mostly solo work again. I think we might do partner work tomorrow.
In spite of my lingering anxiety, today was fantastic. And again, whenever I enter that space, every other worry in my life vanishes, and I am only there. I love that. Seven hours of being present.
Went to a show at ACT after. I was only gonna stay for the first half, but the second half ended up being more meaningful to me. It was a solo show about Shakespeare. One thing he said had to do with nothing Shakespeare wrote was original, he wrote about the human condition, and that's common to all of us, only his language was better. And in that, it should be accessible to all people, you shouldn't have to be "smart enough" to understand it. He also talked about studying voice and speech, and that how to change the way you speak, to make it genuine (not fake, something you put on) you actually have to change yourself since speech is a huge part of our identity. That reminded me of how I was told to raise my pitch (which I haven't done), and how much it freaked me out to think about it. We have so many reasons for why we speak the way we do, what we believe it conveys. But my vocal resonance is higher than where my current pitch is.
Also, when I was driving home on Christmas Eve, my voice was sore, and I started singing "operatic." I have very little pitch control when I do it, would need to work with someone, but interestingly: it didn't hurt to sing that way, my volume probably doubled, and I had a bigger range. Something to explore in the future.
For now, I need to sleep.
Thursday, October 17, 2013
Thursday
Wednesday afternoon: legs getting very stiff. Tomorrow will be fun.
Not so bad, just the left leg, equally the quad and the hamstrings. Went to a charity fair yesterday, a kick-off to the Combined Fund Drive. Again, as with the art event, felt like speed-dating, felt like I was one of a few attendees actually talking to the people at the tables. A bunch of new charities, or ones I didn't know about. I like meeting people. I was there for over an hour, which surprised me, ended up being my lunch break. I was hoping there would be food, but it was mostly just sweets, which I ate and then crashed at my desk a couple of hours later. Ended up with a police t-shirt, a cupcake, and an offer to hold a kitten, which I declined because although it was adorable (and making a face of seemingly silent roars-I could hear it's voice if I put my ear to it's mouth) I had the cupcake in my hand. There are a lot of agencies I'd like to support: violence prevention, culturally relevant books to kids, farming start-ups, support for foster kids, horse therapy for veterans with PTSD, etc., I'll have to try to scrape up something this year.
So, the question is: why can I get emotional with that but have such a hard time with the chair exercises? Did three last night. I'll start to make progress and then lose it. I started to feel like a sociopath because I wasn't reacting, just repeating. And then I was trying to drop my center of gravity so I could be with the person across from me, but then that took me out of the moment because I was thinking about how to "drop my center of gravity." And then sometimes I just get lost in the other person, which I don't think is the point either. I also noticed that I can't look in both eyes at the same time, I have to choose one or the other...is that how it is for most people?
Reading the Bruce Lee book on the bus this morning, in this essay, he's talking about gung-fu, and Tao, but it totally relates to acting, and where we are trying to get with the Meisner work. He talks about unattachment of the mind and having a broad awareness of what's going on around you so you can respond to anything, rather than having a single-minded focus, that takes your awareness away from what else is going on. And you have to do that on stage, so it makes sense in a way for this work, too, since he was also an actor. Very cool.
Not so bad, just the left leg, equally the quad and the hamstrings. Went to a charity fair yesterday, a kick-off to the Combined Fund Drive. Again, as with the art event, felt like speed-dating, felt like I was one of a few attendees actually talking to the people at the tables. A bunch of new charities, or ones I didn't know about. I like meeting people. I was there for over an hour, which surprised me, ended up being my lunch break. I was hoping there would be food, but it was mostly just sweets, which I ate and then crashed at my desk a couple of hours later. Ended up with a police t-shirt, a cupcake, and an offer to hold a kitten, which I declined because although it was adorable (and making a face of seemingly silent roars-I could hear it's voice if I put my ear to it's mouth) I had the cupcake in my hand. There are a lot of agencies I'd like to support: violence prevention, culturally relevant books to kids, farming start-ups, support for foster kids, horse therapy for veterans with PTSD, etc., I'll have to try to scrape up something this year.
So, the question is: why can I get emotional with that but have such a hard time with the chair exercises? Did three last night. I'll start to make progress and then lose it. I started to feel like a sociopath because I wasn't reacting, just repeating. And then I was trying to drop my center of gravity so I could be with the person across from me, but then that took me out of the moment because I was thinking about how to "drop my center of gravity." And then sometimes I just get lost in the other person, which I don't think is the point either. I also noticed that I can't look in both eyes at the same time, I have to choose one or the other...is that how it is for most people?
Reading the Bruce Lee book on the bus this morning, in this essay, he's talking about gung-fu, and Tao, but it totally relates to acting, and where we are trying to get with the Meisner work. He talks about unattachment of the mind and having a broad awareness of what's going on around you so you can respond to anything, rather than having a single-minded focus, that takes your awareness away from what else is going on. And you have to do that on stage, so it makes sense in a way for this work, too, since he was also an actor. Very cool.
Monday, March 25, 2013
Song
Still irritated, trying not to bite my tongue off. Here's a song for the day, again, no meaning for it, I just really like it, and I don't have anything to say.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dDLiVwpv89s
Duran Duran, Ordinary World.
So, I need to get this coughing thing figured out. It's getting worse, and my throat feels swollen now most of the time from it. And, I need to stop singing for a while. Maybe at least until September. I'll sing for this week, and possibly the Finnish concerts, but I need to treat myself with kindness, too. It is my favorite thing to do, and I've never had this throat issue before, and it just never seems to get better. Ironically, I actually sing better now, I think my voice sounds better, vastly. When I was watching Julius Caesar last night, I was thinking, "I can't shout like that." I want to take an acting class this quarter, because I feel I have some momentum as far as being present and in my body and breathing and ways to get into a character that I didn't have before, but I'm not sure if that would be pushing my health too much. It would help if I knew what was causing this, but I can't see anyone else until I get these medical bills paid down. Stress over money isn't gonna help any. It would be helpful also if the asthma medicine wasn't so expensive, but I don't know how to work around that one, there is no generic. Breaks my heart not to be able to sing, but maybe it just needs more time to heal. When I mentioned kindness, one of those people was talking to me about singing and also of being kind to myself. She said she had missed me singing (I hadn't gone to rehearsals in the past few months) but that I had to take care of myself. There have been a bunch of others too, not just about singing, but a lot of it has been about that.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dDLiVwpv89s
Duran Duran, Ordinary World.
So, I need to get this coughing thing figured out. It's getting worse, and my throat feels swollen now most of the time from it. And, I need to stop singing for a while. Maybe at least until September. I'll sing for this week, and possibly the Finnish concerts, but I need to treat myself with kindness, too. It is my favorite thing to do, and I've never had this throat issue before, and it just never seems to get better. Ironically, I actually sing better now, I think my voice sounds better, vastly. When I was watching Julius Caesar last night, I was thinking, "I can't shout like that." I want to take an acting class this quarter, because I feel I have some momentum as far as being present and in my body and breathing and ways to get into a character that I didn't have before, but I'm not sure if that would be pushing my health too much. It would help if I knew what was causing this, but I can't see anyone else until I get these medical bills paid down. Stress over money isn't gonna help any. It would be helpful also if the asthma medicine wasn't so expensive, but I don't know how to work around that one, there is no generic. Breaks my heart not to be able to sing, but maybe it just needs more time to heal. When I mentioned kindness, one of those people was talking to me about singing and also of being kind to myself. She said she had missed me singing (I hadn't gone to rehearsals in the past few months) but that I had to take care of myself. There have been a bunch of others too, not just about singing, but a lot of it has been about that.
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