Day 5

Day 5.  It is hoped that one day we will decide in favor of our own well-being (physical, mental, etc.) over whatever temporary emotional fix we get from things that ultimately do us harm.

Second try on the chia-seed pudding, used a can of coconut cream I bought at Christmas to make Puerto Rican rice pudding, but never did.  Maybe I should stir it again, keep the lumps out.  Or next time use a wider-mouthed jar so I can stir with a whisk.

Have spent most of the weekend with my mind one step behind my body.  Just got back from the store to go buy the thing I went to the store for earlier, but got distracted and came home without the first time.  I have it now.  Been doing that all day.  Although, the distraction did involve buying groceries, which then meant I actually got around to cooking, so will actually have something I can eat tomorrow instead of sitting at work wondering where in the world I can get something to eat, all day.

In spite of that, did have a productive day, including long singing rehearsal (with voice lesson), and finally re-writing script w/stage directions and edits in (and kept it under two pages.)  I need to schedule rehearsal space.

And walking home just now I thought, I would love to see the northern lights some day, but the clear night sky holds beauty enough.

Onto the next thing

Feeling sick to my stomach most of the day.  In the morning, I went for a long walk to make the most of the sun, to see what birds have come, (so many birds, and when I walked to the shore for a closer look, they swam over, expecting to be fed) and to work on the memorization of a monologue.

Later at clown group, I think we have a start on a few things.  The show feels very soon.  Once home, I had to force myself to go out again, had a ticket to a (final, I think) Beckett show.  This one more based on inspiration than an actual Beckett play.  And as such, and because it was physical/clown, and because it had some hope in it, I probably liked it the best of the bunch.  Not all the dialogue worked for me, and again, there was more hope and redemption involved, so, not necessarily as true to Beckett, and there seemed to be more a sense of cause and effect...at any rate, possibly because of all these things, I found myself more involved in what happened.  And while I didn't necessarily laugh, (a lot of the audience did), I did find that I cared what happened to the characters, and I liked the way it was staged.  (And since I felt sick the whole time, I was glad it was relatively short and I could come back home to curl up again.)

I was late arriving.  The bus had to wait at an early stop.  A man had entered the bus, I'm not sure what was going on with him, but he kept trying to sit on the driver, had difficulty maneuvering himself about, at one point his pants dropped down to his ankles, and I saw the driver's hand point, presumably to pull them back on, which he eventually did.  He was finally able to find his way to a seat and sit down after about five minutes of this.  Not dressed for the weather at all, wearing just a couple of thin shirts and the pants.  The bus plowed forward, to make up the time.  At any rate, I wasn't the only one late for the show, about five others.  They held the start.

What possessed me to go find frozen yogurt when I got of the bus, every storefront I pass darkened for the evening, though it's not yet 10 pm, already shivering from the cold air, is beyond me.  The shop is open, and I, the sole customer.  I walk home carrying it in un-gloved hands, no chance of it melting.  Perhaps it will settle my stomach.

Looking up as I near my house, the sky is magnificent.  So clear.  So many stars.

Thursday and home again

So, Christmas eve was a strange day, everything took longer than I expected, but the delays allowed other things to happen: the thing with the ex, chasing down the garbage truck, etc.  Finally left town around 7:30.  Fog thick, temperatures dropping, thoughts of freezing fog.  It dropped five degrees between Everett and Marysville.  I stop in Marysville, a passenger train passes, rumbling northward.  I get back on the freeway, fog glowing a sulphur yellow, headlights slashing through it.  At 8 I switch the radio to listen to the broadcast of the NW Boys Choir's Lessons and Carols from the night before.  I take a back road in Mt. Vernon and am stopped again for the same train pulling into the station.  Turn toward Whidbey, fog thickens, try to follow the car in front of me, but it speeds beyond my ability to see it, fumble my way over the dark, winding, foggy roads.  As I near Deception Pass, the last song in the concert comes on "Oh, Holy Night" fog still thick, then, as the first verse ends I hit the bridge deck and the fog dissipates revealing stars so brilliant, and in such a multitude it takes my breath away.  It's true there is neither a moon nor light pollution from a city, but they feel so vibrant and close.  I don't remember the last time I saw the sky and the stars so clear.

The next evening, I drive my sister back to Bellingham, just after sunset.  I don't like certain sections of the freeways, and have my pocketful of go-arounds.  I take a backroad at the last minute, hoping I can remember the route, I don't know that I've driven it at night before.  (If there's a back road, I'll probably take it.)  Memory kicks in, places and turn offs look familiar.  We pass through Edison: shut down, silent, but totally lit up with Christmas lights.  Magical.  Not a soul around.  I take the wrong exit on the way back, have to get back on the freeway and find the right one.  I timed it this time, slightly over 20 minutes for the detour...I don't know how long the freeway route is, but the detour is prettier, even at night, and I'm not in a hurry.

Spent remainder of my afternoon at home watching a show on mermaids and then on Megalodon...goal for vacation is to clear out my space of things I don't need before the New Year.  Present seems like a good time to start.

Raccoons, but no shooting stars

Tired. The air was still warm when we got out of rehearsal, but there was a low-hanging coolness that smelled of the sea. It even managed to work it's way into the tunnel. I caught the third bus because I missed the first and the second was late and doesn't go close enough at this hour. Even though my bus was 10 minutes behind that one, it caught up because it didn't have to pick anyone up.

I looked for shooting stars as I walked home. Saw the Big Dipper, it's one of three constellations I can identify, the other two being the Little Dipper and Orion, but no shooting stars. As I got closer to home, I saw two mid-sized raccoons lumping their way across the busy street, moving toward my house. I like them, from a distance.

We worked our scene tonight. It's longer and has a lot more blocking than I thought. It was very hot: the play takes place in winter and we had winter clothing on, and the rehearsal space was hot. Two of my shirts were soaked. I really need to get my lines down, it was hard to block holding a script. We need to be off-book by next rehearsal. The kissing is not my biggest issue, I have other things I need to work on that will be harder, but the physical training is proving helpful, it's good that they overlapped.

Also, need to talk to more people about the Meisner year. I don't have a good sense of what exactly it offers (compared to other training), if it's what I need, and what the actual time committment is. And with the latter, I am willing to give up the rest of my life for the next nine months, but I want to know I'm getting the training that's right for me at this time, that will move me forward. (The things I will give up are important to me-such as singing, and I barely see anyone outside of work or school now.) I question this because doing more clown and improv might be more helpful for me, it's what has helped me this year. Although, I need to work on speaking, and there are other aspects of working with text that I managed to not get that other people have, and my director has to explain to me what he's talking about. (The curriculum needs to be more uniform overall.) I spoke briefly with someone that dropped out of Meisner, he made me concerned about outside committment requirements, but again, I need to talk to more people. I'm less than 99% sure now.  I remember now that in every course evaluation I filled out over the past year I added that they should offer clown again. Still don't remember why.

I'm hungry, and I'm somehow craving tartar sauce with dill in it...must be the picture of a fish I just saw.

I got a notice from the library that I got the book back. The same book. The next day.

Here's a link to Star Sign by Teenage Fanclub (sounds a bit wonky)http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xw49UgKoZnQ

Not ready

Oh, crud, the CT scan is today. I'd been thinking it was next week. Not really ready to know anything, feeling off-center with as much as has been going on.

It's been gorgeous out both yesterday and today. The sky was clear and the stars were out in force when I walked home last night, and the ground was frozen when I got up.  Just when you think winter is over...it's been a pretty non-eventful winter in this corner of the country (not to tempt fate.) The cherry and plum trees are either already blooming or preparing themselves for their moment. The transition from a hard lifeless twig to the softness of leaves and flowers always intrigues me.