Mind still relatively blank. Start voice class in two weeks, maybe something will stir. (Need to start doing monologues as a daily practice.) Having a lot of strange dreams which I remember, and wake up happy from, even though they aren't necessarily so. In one, I was travelling with a large group of people in Spain, and had run back to a room to check to make sure everything was out, and was consequently left behind in the process. I had no money, no documents, nothing...all my stuff was in the vehicles that left. Woke up before I figured anything out With all the performances I've seen and conversations I've had lately, these things are not surprising. A lack of identity? A chance to start over? Again, I was happy when I woke up, not anxious.
In another, a guy friend decided to come out of the closet, and then we both started stripping off all of our clothes, while standing on the sidewalk, outside a window (probably a coffee shop or restaurant...there was an audience.) I think initially for me, it was my solidarity with him that caused me to take off my own clothes, but also, I'd had a conversation with someone (in actual life) where I'd mentioned being emotionally stripped bare in Meisner, so maybe this was a metaphor of that. Don't think either of us got to a point of being fully undressed, there kept being more and more layers of clothing. (It was like in "Almost, Maine" nothing particularly provocative about it.) The only thing that stood out was a bright yellow jacket or shirt I had on. Is every layer a different part of our identity? You think it's just the one secret you want to let out, but then go to find more and more that you are keeping hidden. The telling of one, unravels another.
Hmmm.
Living through the dull part that adds to life.
Tuesday, September 30, 2014
Sunday, September 28, 2014
Rambling again
Feeling very oily, just had my back worked on, feels ever-so-slightly better. (Should've gone ages ago, but was waiting for a doctor appointment so I could get a prescription for massage, though in retrospect, I could have called and asked for it. I suspect I need more than massage for this, but it's a start.)
Went on an art tour as part of "Mad Campus" at the UW. Along with the tours today, many of the artists were also there. (And I won tickets to an upcoming show as part of ArtsUW, which was a partner in this event.) The show itself is up until October 23, and I'd seen most of it, but I wanted to hear what other people had to say, and any input the artists had as to why this work, why this space? And it was enlightening. I always enjoy hearing about concept, or what influenced it, or how you got from A to B or Q or something. Had a good conversation about finding balance, as well as the intersection of where art, artist, and audience meet, and how you bring the audience into an interaction with the work, and still leave space for them to discover and stay interested. Always like to talk about that. More info on Mad Art here: http://madartseattle.com/.
On Friday I took the day off to get some volunteer hours at the P-Patch office. Usually that would involve stuffing envelopes, but ended up doing some mapping work, looking up the nearest intersections to every garden. Really enjoyed it, made me want to go out and physically check all of them, since some of them didn't show up on the aerial views. This is the kind of stuff I like doing, the person I did it for, does not, so it was a good fit. I wandered around the rest of the afternoon taking pictures (cats that can fly, I guess):
I also went to go see eSe Teatro's "Don Quixote and Sancho Panza: Homeless in Seattle," by Rose Cano, directed by David Quicksall, at ACT. She wrote this adaptation after working as a medical interpreter at Harborview Medical Center, as well as having had many conversations at shelters and other service centers that work with: homeless, addicted, immigrant, uneducated, mentally ill, etc., populations. It follows Cervantes' story arc for the most part, just changes the location to Seattle, and the characters to people living here. It closes tonight.
I haven't written because I haven't figured out how to say what I want to say. I think fear keeps us from seeing one another as equal. (As someone on Sunday said, we puff up celebrities and politicians with hot air and self-importance, and then do everything we can to knock them back down.) We could trade places, and we hope and work so that we don't with those we view as below us. Does having money, or "beauty", or youth, or sanity, or health, or an education, or a stable government make anyone more worthy than those who lack those things? So much of that was luck of the draw, genetics, fate. In our fears, we create a "them" to demonize, to fight against, to dehumanize, so that we can separate ourselves from them, and say "that will never be me." War, or natural disaster, or illness, or loss can change our lives in an instant...if that were to happen, who are you? When the outer trappings are gone, who are you? And how is that worth more or less than anyone else at their core? Did we all have dreams of what we wanted to be? How many of us got there? What got in the way if we didn't? How much resilience do you have? Some people have a lot, some very little. (I know there are people who "cheat" the system, but they exist up and down the income spectrum, not just among the poor; I'm not talking about them. I'm talking about everyone else.) What's the story behind the face we wish we didn't see? There must be something. We are more alike than we aren't.
Went on an art tour as part of "Mad Campus" at the UW. Along with the tours today, many of the artists were also there. (And I won tickets to an upcoming show as part of ArtsUW, which was a partner in this event.) The show itself is up until October 23, and I'd seen most of it, but I wanted to hear what other people had to say, and any input the artists had as to why this work, why this space? And it was enlightening. I always enjoy hearing about concept, or what influenced it, or how you got from A to B or Q or something. Had a good conversation about finding balance, as well as the intersection of where art, artist, and audience meet, and how you bring the audience into an interaction with the work, and still leave space for them to discover and stay interested. Always like to talk about that. More info on Mad Art here: http://madartseattle.com/.
On Friday I took the day off to get some volunteer hours at the P-Patch office. Usually that would involve stuffing envelopes, but ended up doing some mapping work, looking up the nearest intersections to every garden. Really enjoyed it, made me want to go out and physically check all of them, since some of them didn't show up on the aerial views. This is the kind of stuff I like doing, the person I did it for, does not, so it was a good fit. I wandered around the rest of the afternoon taking pictures (cats that can fly, I guess):
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| Jet-packed, Sept 26/L Herlevi 2014 |
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| Flying Lion, Sept 26/L Herlevi 2014 |
I haven't written because I haven't figured out how to say what I want to say. I think fear keeps us from seeing one another as equal. (As someone on Sunday said, we puff up celebrities and politicians with hot air and self-importance, and then do everything we can to knock them back down.) We could trade places, and we hope and work so that we don't with those we view as below us. Does having money, or "beauty", or youth, or sanity, or health, or an education, or a stable government make anyone more worthy than those who lack those things? So much of that was luck of the draw, genetics, fate. In our fears, we create a "them" to demonize, to fight against, to dehumanize, so that we can separate ourselves from them, and say "that will never be me." War, or natural disaster, or illness, or loss can change our lives in an instant...if that were to happen, who are you? When the outer trappings are gone, who are you? And how is that worth more or less than anyone else at their core? Did we all have dreams of what we wanted to be? How many of us got there? What got in the way if we didn't? How much resilience do you have? Some people have a lot, some very little. (I know there are people who "cheat" the system, but they exist up and down the income spectrum, not just among the poor; I'm not talking about them. I'm talking about everyone else.) What's the story behind the face we wish we didn't see? There must be something. We are more alike than we aren't.
Thursday, September 25, 2014
Number two for the week
Edith Wharton is so freaking depressing, but the show was good anyway, great adaptation, casting/performances (especially Annette Toutonghi's vocal and physical transformation as Evelina Bunner from Act 1 to Act 2), etc. There is a reason I tend to avoid reading her, takes me a while to shake it off, the unfulfillment and lingering sacrifice for nothing, though I will admit that the second act brings a certain satisfaction of throwing off that need to always be a martyr, in Ann Eliza Bunner's eyes being opened to the truth that it was no better to have been a martyr than to have taken what she wanted. No good came out of the former. There was no purpose for it.
The show was "The Bunner Sisters" at the Theatre Off Jackson, directed and adapted by Julie Beckman. Ran into a friend and he drove me home, so what would take an hour was instead less than ten minutes in a car. Grateful.
The show was "The Bunner Sisters" at the Theatre Off Jackson, directed and adapted by Julie Beckman. Ran into a friend and he drove me home, so what would take an hour was instead less than ten minutes in a car. Grateful.
Thursday
Woke up a little off-balance. It's either my inner ear, or from carrying a bag on the one side, with too much weight in it. Concerned about getting vertigo again, so I'm home. I should go have someone work on my back.
Went to go see "The Invisible Hand," by Ayad Akhtar at ACT last night. I've also been reading "Fast Food Nation," by Eric Schlosser. On the surface, they might not seem like they have much to do with each other, but as I think of one it triggers thoughts about the other. Both dealing with how both money and power corrupt. The "Invisible Hand" is about an American banker who is kidnapped in Pakistan and held for a $10 million ransom. Early on, he says they got the wrong man, that who they really wanted was his boss, but is also so proud of his ability to make money trading and manipulating the markets that he brags about how it was really himself that did all the work, that his boss was an idiot. As the story goes on, he says that if they can set up for him the ability to trade (futures) he will make the ransom money. They allow this, and in the process he teaches his captor everything he knows. He also talks a lot about manipulating currency, and how it's not a good bet because you can't determine when the next crisis will occur. His captor plays dumb, but hears everything.
By the end, the captor has moved the accounts on an excuse of not being tracked, and we find out that he caused a crisis (setting off a bomb in the meeting of the central bank) in order to devalue the rupee and in the process made himself $25 million. He has also caused riots/killings in the streets, and hopes that this will cause the overthrow of the government. The streets outside are "running in blood." The American seems stunned by all this, so proud of his ability to manipulate financial markets, he never considered the outcome of those actions on societies, on governments, on actual people. He is a man without morals. I kinda' expected the captor to kill him at that point, since he no longer needs him, but he sets him free and drops money (in dollars) in front of him. Comments that he was hooked on money when they made the first $700,000 in ten minutes. And in the end, I was left wondering, if they knew exactly who it was they had kidnapped, or if they just got lucky.
Schlosser's book deals with the growth of the fast-food industry, mostly in America. Yes, there are the health effects, but even more so, manipulation, deregulation, how those who have the most to gain, essentially rig the system in their favor, working for defunding the agencies that would regulate their safety (OSHA, and Worker's Comp, in the case of the slaughterhouses), and using government programs that were designed to help small businesses, to make themselves richer. Everything, in service to making more money, for those with the power, not much for anyone else. Money is no longer a symbol of trade; profit is the only thing that matters. Money is king.
The idea of the "Invisible Hand" is that markets will regulate themselves, because everyone working for their own self-interest will somehow keep it stable, and create an unforeseen common good. It's based on an Adam Smith quote, and Nick (the American) explains that to his captor (Bashir). When they did their initial futures manipulation, all trading stopped after 10 minutes, because the irregularity was noticed, but Bashir is later able to manipulate the system to overthrow a government and make himself rich. Maybe in theory that idea works, but how true does it remain when at best you have an uneven playing field, and at worst you have very few players making all the decisions, and tipping the table evermore in their own favor? At some point, everyone else is losing.
Gonna test this dizziness out by walking to the store, really want sugar, and currently out of fruit. Don't know how long I'll stay with this, losing too much weight. Need to eat a lot more when you cut out all those calorie-dense foods (sugar, wheat, dairy.) And the main differences I'm noticing are energy levels and sleep, not sure if there are any intolerances there.
Went to go see "The Invisible Hand," by Ayad Akhtar at ACT last night. I've also been reading "Fast Food Nation," by Eric Schlosser. On the surface, they might not seem like they have much to do with each other, but as I think of one it triggers thoughts about the other. Both dealing with how both money and power corrupt. The "Invisible Hand" is about an American banker who is kidnapped in Pakistan and held for a $10 million ransom. Early on, he says they got the wrong man, that who they really wanted was his boss, but is also so proud of his ability to make money trading and manipulating the markets that he brags about how it was really himself that did all the work, that his boss was an idiot. As the story goes on, he says that if they can set up for him the ability to trade (futures) he will make the ransom money. They allow this, and in the process he teaches his captor everything he knows. He also talks a lot about manipulating currency, and how it's not a good bet because you can't determine when the next crisis will occur. His captor plays dumb, but hears everything.
By the end, the captor has moved the accounts on an excuse of not being tracked, and we find out that he caused a crisis (setting off a bomb in the meeting of the central bank) in order to devalue the rupee and in the process made himself $25 million. He has also caused riots/killings in the streets, and hopes that this will cause the overthrow of the government. The streets outside are "running in blood." The American seems stunned by all this, so proud of his ability to manipulate financial markets, he never considered the outcome of those actions on societies, on governments, on actual people. He is a man without morals. I kinda' expected the captor to kill him at that point, since he no longer needs him, but he sets him free and drops money (in dollars) in front of him. Comments that he was hooked on money when they made the first $700,000 in ten minutes. And in the end, I was left wondering, if they knew exactly who it was they had kidnapped, or if they just got lucky.
Schlosser's book deals with the growth of the fast-food industry, mostly in America. Yes, there are the health effects, but even more so, manipulation, deregulation, how those who have the most to gain, essentially rig the system in their favor, working for defunding the agencies that would regulate their safety (OSHA, and Worker's Comp, in the case of the slaughterhouses), and using government programs that were designed to help small businesses, to make themselves richer. Everything, in service to making more money, for those with the power, not much for anyone else. Money is no longer a symbol of trade; profit is the only thing that matters. Money is king.
The idea of the "Invisible Hand" is that markets will regulate themselves, because everyone working for their own self-interest will somehow keep it stable, and create an unforeseen common good. It's based on an Adam Smith quote, and Nick (the American) explains that to his captor (Bashir). When they did their initial futures manipulation, all trading stopped after 10 minutes, because the irregularity was noticed, but Bashir is later able to manipulate the system to overthrow a government and make himself rich. Maybe in theory that idea works, but how true does it remain when at best you have an uneven playing field, and at worst you have very few players making all the decisions, and tipping the table evermore in their own favor? At some point, everyone else is losing.
Gonna test this dizziness out by walking to the store, really want sugar, and currently out of fruit. Don't know how long I'll stay with this, losing too much weight. Need to eat a lot more when you cut out all those calorie-dense foods (sugar, wheat, dairy.) And the main differences I'm noticing are energy levels and sleep, not sure if there are any intolerances there.
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
Now it is raining
I feel like a gate just opened. All these things that had been said or thought, conversations I've had, things that have been in a holding pattern, that I didn't expect to actually go anywhere, are coming to fruition, for better or worse. It's both cool, and overwhelming; I'm happy and scared at the same time. I'm trying to let it be and not push back (which is my tendency.) I need to clear my head. I don't know how many of these to follow, or which ones. But things feel like they want to change...I hope I have the courage to let them.
Some of those need to start being about performing, for me. I need to make more of an effort and follow-up on things.
Some of those need to start being about performing, for me. I need to make more of an effort and follow-up on things.
Monday, September 22, 2014
Dramatic skies usher in the Equinox
And I have insomnia; bad, wide awake, the last two nights. Diet probably has to do with it, have consumed everything I gave up (minus coffee and soy) over the past couple of days. Suspect it's sugar, at any rate, back to quinoa and almonds. At least I got some writing done. Got all the racing and circular thoughts out on paper, the insecurities that plague my mind when all else is quiet.
Random things today. A teacher of Greek said he thought I had a good ear, and asked if I was musical. Said he thought I'd be good with languages, I said I wasn't really, though I can pronounce things, I guess. Comprehension is another story. He said I should check out the online Greek course. I've been reading a book about Greece, which discusses the language quite a bit, so it's a bit of synchronicity.
The other random thing was someone else said I should try online dating (we weren't really talking about that, kinda' came out of left field. Though I suppose she was wondering why I wasn't married, a legitimate question, and I guess the standard answer would be that it hasn't been my top priority. Back to the idea of where you put your energy.) I told her that the last time I looked at online profiles (over a year ago - I didn't want to get involved with anyone while I was doing Meisner, too much divided energy, the exercises stripped me raw, and I can't imagine that I had much left over to give to anyone new, hardly had time for the people I knew. For me, it would've been too much, I wanted my energy for myself and the ensemble), the only two people, out of maybe 50, I found interesting turned out to be people I already knew, one I had known was on there, the other I figured out. Funny, but true. Partially it was the site, the guys were either too young, or openly looking to cheat on their partners, not something I'm looking to get involved with. And partially, I guess it's that the people I know are already the type of people I'm drawn to.
Attempting to be less passive and actually ask people to do things. I am horrible about this. Even people I'm pretty good friends with. I have fallen out of contact with far too many people because I never called because I could never think of a "legitimate" reason to call. In retrospect, "Hi" would have sufficed. They just think I don't care, which isn't true. I do care, I'm just kinda' lame, expecting someone else to pick up the slack. (I got called out on that, too. I deserved it.) And I know that's not fair. We might share some level of insecurity, and we might both be introverts, but one of us needs to make an effort, it's not fair for me to expect it always to be the other person. I don't know how long I'll be able to do this (I've mentioned before how bad I am about calling people, fair amount of anxiety) but I am trying. Life's better with people you like in it.
We got the night off, since we sang on Saturday, so no rehearsal. Next week we start work on all the Sibelius music. It's the 150th anniversary of his birth, so it's the main focus this year. Debating whether to go to a pay-what-you-can night or to do laundry. Laundry is looking to be the likely winner. (I have three other shows to go to this week.)
And the washer is otherwise occupied. Guess I'll have to wait. So, yes, killing time on YouTube. John Oliver clips and this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_FhVbyeWFvo Neko Case, "This Tornado Loves You."
Random things today. A teacher of Greek said he thought I had a good ear, and asked if I was musical. Said he thought I'd be good with languages, I said I wasn't really, though I can pronounce things, I guess. Comprehension is another story. He said I should check out the online Greek course. I've been reading a book about Greece, which discusses the language quite a bit, so it's a bit of synchronicity.
The other random thing was someone else said I should try online dating (we weren't really talking about that, kinda' came out of left field. Though I suppose she was wondering why I wasn't married, a legitimate question, and I guess the standard answer would be that it hasn't been my top priority. Back to the idea of where you put your energy.) I told her that the last time I looked at online profiles (over a year ago - I didn't want to get involved with anyone while I was doing Meisner, too much divided energy, the exercises stripped me raw, and I can't imagine that I had much left over to give to anyone new, hardly had time for the people I knew. For me, it would've been too much, I wanted my energy for myself and the ensemble), the only two people, out of maybe 50, I found interesting turned out to be people I already knew, one I had known was on there, the other I figured out. Funny, but true. Partially it was the site, the guys were either too young, or openly looking to cheat on their partners, not something I'm looking to get involved with. And partially, I guess it's that the people I know are already the type of people I'm drawn to.
Attempting to be less passive and actually ask people to do things. I am horrible about this. Even people I'm pretty good friends with. I have fallen out of contact with far too many people because I never called because I could never think of a "legitimate" reason to call. In retrospect, "Hi" would have sufficed. They just think I don't care, which isn't true. I do care, I'm just kinda' lame, expecting someone else to pick up the slack. (I got called out on that, too. I deserved it.) And I know that's not fair. We might share some level of insecurity, and we might both be introverts, but one of us needs to make an effort, it's not fair for me to expect it always to be the other person. I don't know how long I'll be able to do this (I've mentioned before how bad I am about calling people, fair amount of anxiety) but I am trying. Life's better with people you like in it.
We got the night off, since we sang on Saturday, so no rehearsal. Next week we start work on all the Sibelius music. It's the 150th anniversary of his birth, so it's the main focus this year. Debating whether to go to a pay-what-you-can night or to do laundry. Laundry is looking to be the likely winner. (I have three other shows to go to this week.)
And the washer is otherwise occupied. Guess I'll have to wait. So, yes, killing time on YouTube. John Oliver clips and this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_FhVbyeWFvo Neko Case, "This Tornado Loves You."
Saturday, September 20, 2014
Saturday night
Woke up happy. Have spent the last few days in the company of people I like who I think like me. Ending my evening in a roomful of people helping lead a sing-a-long of old Finnish and English songs. Everyone laughing. In all these places feeling like I belong there. Feeling like I'm finally home. Feeling blessed.
Thursday, September 18, 2014
What you don't know
should not be how you base your life...or not mine anyway.
Had been to Freehold a lot lately, six times in the past month as an audience member. Felt like I was visiting a school I used to go to, like elementary school, some place you can't return to, not in the same manner. It was strange. I didn't feel like it was mine anymore, if you can understand that. This place where I had put so much of myself, that room. I don't know why I've been feeling that way, but I have.
Anyway, went to the open house tonight, no reason I should go, I'm already registered for classes, but I did. I still like being there. So, they have short sessions with instructors. I sat in on "Acting for the Camera" and "Stage Combat." John Jacobsen (Camera) just gave a lot of solid advice, the same thing I've heard elsewhere (after the Drunken Boot day), that if you really want something, you'd find a way to make it happen. And if you're not, why not? What's getting in your way? How do you get out of your own way. And later I mentioned that to someone else in regards to not doing ETI this year, that if I wanted that, why didn't I make it happen? (He never did it either.) He said maybe it's not the right time for me. That the other part of my reality mattered, too. At one point I was 90% going to do it, and then I didn't. And it's true that a lot of other former Meisner students that didn't do ETI are working. It's not the end of the road, just a different one.
And someone last night said, "Why don't you say something? Why don't you ask? Will you have regrets when you're 85 if you never know?" I don't really think there's anything there, but then again, what do I know? Maybe he doesn't either. I don't know.
These things are seemingly unrelated, but at the core of it all, it's about how you lived/live your life...how much courage you had to find out what you don't know. And then move forward, rather than stay stuck in always wondering, passively hoping "Fate" will intervene, living in your head rather than choosing to act on your own behalf, and actually live your life.
The other thing tonight was the stage combat session (with Geoffrey Alm), totally hands on, there were only seven of us. I've been wanting to do it, (off and on since college, really) but was recently worried about the hand injury (it was one of the concerns I had with ETI actually, but of course, I never bothered to talk to the instructor about it, I just made assumptions. Ugh.) Anyway, he handed me a left-handed rapier. Dagger in the right hand. It worked. Not uncoordinated with the left hand. Had enough control. It was really fun. And I can do it. (I had had a bad experience with an instructor, who'd seemed put out with me, that I was a hassle because I needed to modify stuff. Didn't seem willing to work with me. I can't bear weight on my wrist...that's the reality I'm working with.) Upshot of all that is that I will do it in the future. I'd do it now, but I'm already committed elsewhere. It's something you need as an actor. Even if I only get to the unarmed class that would be useful. He didn't make me feel like it would be an issue to modify.
Also, I mentioned I was bored and someone asked if I wanted to assist with their class. I should find out what that would mean. Maybe. And I mentioned to someone else I ran into, that I want to get some people together to read Chekhov and Ibsen, etc., out loud...I think I'd get more meaning out of it, and it's good to hear the words. (Which is also the difference between reading something on a page, and seeing it on stage: the actor brings him/herself into the role, hopefully makes it more alive, more real. That's what happened with Quinn's version of Louis for me in "Angels." And why I disagree with Mamet in his essay where he says the best way to experience a play is to read it to yourself.) Reading it aloud would make it easier to keep the characters straight. (It's taking me a long time to read the current one I'm on, because I mostly read it on the bus, and I have to keep asking myself, "Wait, what's the relationship?" Guess I could make a map.) We did it last spring, with Ibsen, it was helpful.
Tonight was interesting on many levels.
Things change so quickly.
Had been to Freehold a lot lately, six times in the past month as an audience member. Felt like I was visiting a school I used to go to, like elementary school, some place you can't return to, not in the same manner. It was strange. I didn't feel like it was mine anymore, if you can understand that. This place where I had put so much of myself, that room. I don't know why I've been feeling that way, but I have.
Anyway, went to the open house tonight, no reason I should go, I'm already registered for classes, but I did. I still like being there. So, they have short sessions with instructors. I sat in on "Acting for the Camera" and "Stage Combat." John Jacobsen (Camera) just gave a lot of solid advice, the same thing I've heard elsewhere (after the Drunken Boot day), that if you really want something, you'd find a way to make it happen. And if you're not, why not? What's getting in your way? How do you get out of your own way. And later I mentioned that to someone else in regards to not doing ETI this year, that if I wanted that, why didn't I make it happen? (He never did it either.) He said maybe it's not the right time for me. That the other part of my reality mattered, too. At one point I was 90% going to do it, and then I didn't. And it's true that a lot of other former Meisner students that didn't do ETI are working. It's not the end of the road, just a different one.
And someone last night said, "Why don't you say something? Why don't you ask? Will you have regrets when you're 85 if you never know?" I don't really think there's anything there, but then again, what do I know? Maybe he doesn't either. I don't know.
These things are seemingly unrelated, but at the core of it all, it's about how you lived/live your life...how much courage you had to find out what you don't know. And then move forward, rather than stay stuck in always wondering, passively hoping "Fate" will intervene, living in your head rather than choosing to act on your own behalf, and actually live your life.
The other thing tonight was the stage combat session (with Geoffrey Alm), totally hands on, there were only seven of us. I've been wanting to do it, (off and on since college, really) but was recently worried about the hand injury (it was one of the concerns I had with ETI actually, but of course, I never bothered to talk to the instructor about it, I just made assumptions. Ugh.) Anyway, he handed me a left-handed rapier. Dagger in the right hand. It worked. Not uncoordinated with the left hand. Had enough control. It was really fun. And I can do it. (I had had a bad experience with an instructor, who'd seemed put out with me, that I was a hassle because I needed to modify stuff. Didn't seem willing to work with me. I can't bear weight on my wrist...that's the reality I'm working with.) Upshot of all that is that I will do it in the future. I'd do it now, but I'm already committed elsewhere. It's something you need as an actor. Even if I only get to the unarmed class that would be useful. He didn't make me feel like it would be an issue to modify.
Also, I mentioned I was bored and someone asked if I wanted to assist with their class. I should find out what that would mean. Maybe. And I mentioned to someone else I ran into, that I want to get some people together to read Chekhov and Ibsen, etc., out loud...I think I'd get more meaning out of it, and it's good to hear the words. (Which is also the difference between reading something on a page, and seeing it on stage: the actor brings him/herself into the role, hopefully makes it more alive, more real. That's what happened with Quinn's version of Louis for me in "Angels." And why I disagree with Mamet in his essay where he says the best way to experience a play is to read it to yourself.) Reading it aloud would make it easier to keep the characters straight. (It's taking me a long time to read the current one I'm on, because I mostly read it on the bus, and I have to keep asking myself, "Wait, what's the relationship?" Guess I could make a map.) We did it last spring, with Ibsen, it was helpful.
Tonight was interesting on many levels.
Things change so quickly.
Rainy Thursday Morning
I'm exhausted. Worked a very physical catering gig last night, ate a bunch of cheese, too, which might have something to do with being tired. Got home at midnight. Had a "thank you" message this morning from the woman I work for when I checked my email. It's nice to be appreciated. The events are fun, but sometimes it's a lot of work, and I don't get paid, it's a trade for comps. (And food, usually.)
I'm gonna be on this diet forever if I keep slipping. (Not a bad thing, it's pretty healthy. I added rice and fruit back in, had a hard time going without carbs. Just feel better energetically with them. More even.) I was hungry though, long day, lots of walking stairs with heavy platters. I don't know if I feel much difference, but I have cut my use of anti-inflammatories way down, to almost none at all, and no headaches, both of which are good things. Oh, and I'm sleeping better, so, there's that. (No stimulants.)
Not a whole lot going on idea-wise. Partially, that's that everything has slowed down, I'm not pushing past my edges constantly like I was for the past couple of years. A lot came up. Going to both Angels' shows (even with Rush tickets) used up my dance budget, so will have to wait until October to start classes again. And I've been busy, so haven't walked as much. It's okay, I have things that need attention, and then they will no longer hang over my head. I just kinda' miss the ideas, and I'm a little bit bored. I want to be creating things.
I'm gonna be on this diet forever if I keep slipping. (Not a bad thing, it's pretty healthy. I added rice and fruit back in, had a hard time going without carbs. Just feel better energetically with them. More even.) I was hungry though, long day, lots of walking stairs with heavy platters. I don't know if I feel much difference, but I have cut my use of anti-inflammatories way down, to almost none at all, and no headaches, both of which are good things. Oh, and I'm sleeping better, so, there's that. (No stimulants.)
Not a whole lot going on idea-wise. Partially, that's that everything has slowed down, I'm not pushing past my edges constantly like I was for the past couple of years. A lot came up. Going to both Angels' shows (even with Rush tickets) used up my dance budget, so will have to wait until October to start classes again. And I've been busy, so haven't walked as much. It's okay, I have things that need attention, and then they will no longer hang over my head. I just kinda' miss the ideas, and I'm a little bit bored. I want to be creating things.
Tuesday, September 16, 2014
Now it's Tuesday
Somehow 90 degrees in September feels more bearable than 90 degrees in August. The sun not hitting any one place for as long. The house not quite stifling. Some time early in the morning, the metallic smell of ozone, wet pavement, blows in through the window. By the time the sun rises, barely a trace of rain is left on the rooftops. Thin clouds cover the sky. The sounds of engines idling and tires on asphalt fill the air. Things being dropped and crashing on the ground drown out the few birds that sing. Construction begins again for the day.
Doing generates something, physically working through the ideas as opposed to thinking about them. Getting into your body, past the original point of departure. Even actual writing counts. Things don't need to be perfect, it works itself out in the doing. And the only way to get there is to start. Shutting up the critic that says, "not good enough, yet," no longer having someone else to over-shout that voice, I'll have to be my own coach. My night off. I write. And put off all the other things for now. Not using the guilt over them as an excuse to do nothing at all.
Doing generates something, physically working through the ideas as opposed to thinking about them. Getting into your body, past the original point of departure. Even actual writing counts. Things don't need to be perfect, it works itself out in the doing. And the only way to get there is to start. Shutting up the critic that says, "not good enough, yet," no longer having someone else to over-shout that voice, I'll have to be my own coach. My night off. I write. And put off all the other things for now. Not using the guilt over them as an excuse to do nothing at all.
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