And I have insomnia; bad, wide awake, the last two nights. Diet probably has to do with it, have consumed everything I gave up (minus coffee and soy) over the past couple of days. Suspect it's sugar, at any rate, back to quinoa and almonds. At least I got some writing done. Got all the racing and circular thoughts out on paper, the insecurities that plague my mind when all else is quiet.
Random things today. A teacher of Greek said he thought I had a good ear, and asked if I was musical. Said he thought I'd be good with languages, I said I wasn't really, though I can pronounce things, I guess. Comprehension is another story. He said I should check out the online Greek course. I've been reading a book about Greece, which discusses the language quite a bit, so it's a bit of synchronicity.
The other random thing was someone else said I should try online dating (we weren't really talking about that, kinda' came out of left field. Though I suppose she was wondering why I wasn't married, a legitimate question, and I guess the standard answer would be that it hasn't been my top priority. Back to the idea of where you put your energy.) I told her that the last time I looked at online profiles (over a year ago - I didn't want to get involved with anyone while I was doing Meisner, too much divided energy, the exercises stripped me raw, and I can't imagine that I had much left over to give to anyone new, hardly had time for the people I knew. For me, it would've been too much, I wanted my energy for myself and the ensemble), the only two people, out of maybe 50, I found interesting turned out to be people I already knew, one I had known was on there, the other I figured out. Funny, but true. Partially it was the site, the guys were either too young, or openly looking to cheat on their partners, not something I'm looking to get involved with. And partially, I guess it's that the people I know are already the type of people I'm drawn to.
Attempting to be less passive and actually ask people to do things. I am horrible about this. Even people I'm pretty good friends with. I have fallen out of contact with far too many people because I never called because I could never think of a "legitimate" reason to call. In retrospect, "Hi" would have sufficed. They just think I don't care, which isn't true. I do care, I'm just kinda' lame, expecting someone else to pick up the slack. (I got called out on that, too. I deserved it.) And I know that's not fair. We might share some level of insecurity, and we might both be introverts, but one of us needs to make an effort, it's not fair for me to expect it always to be the other person. I don't know how long I'll be able to do this (I've mentioned before how bad I am about calling people, fair amount of anxiety) but I am trying. Life's better with people you like in it.
We got the night off, since we sang on Saturday, so no rehearsal. Next week we start work on all the Sibelius music. It's the 150th anniversary of his birth, so it's the main focus this year. Debating whether to go to a pay-what-you-can night or to do laundry. Laundry is looking to be the likely winner. (I have three other shows to go to this week.)
And the washer is otherwise occupied. Guess I'll have to wait. So, yes, killing time on YouTube. John Oliver clips and this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_FhVbyeWFvo Neko Case, "This Tornado Loves You."
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