Monday

Trains, planes, and automobiles...or something like that, throw in an Uber, a taxi, and one of those rental bikes, and I'd be covered.  Had an appointment for my ankle "popping" this morning, and just missed the bus that went direct, so ran across the street, caught a bus to the light rail, light rail to Cap Hill, and trolley to the stop nearest the doctor's office.  Only about a minute late.  Have an ankle brace I need to wear for a month, and stabilizing/balancing exercises.  Have the option of getting new orthodics, but he said the old ones are holding up pretty well, so might not.  It probably wouldn't get worse, but I'm planning a trek in the spring, and I want to be as well as possible.  I don't feel like the brace actually supports my ankle all that much.  I have seven months to get it together.  Yeah, it's pretty much Spain, again, at this point.  Already there in my head.  I don't know why I get dates, but I do, had no intention of ever going again, until a couple weeks ago.  Will probably do the Pyrenees crossing, if the weather is good, and not sure after that.  Probably only taking 3 weeks (I'll have 8 weeks of vacation by that point, because I never take it, but it's not reasonable to take that much time off of work.)

Worked at 14/48 all day Saturday (food stuff), another friend drove me to a bus stop after the first run, it was at a park, no where near any buses.  And it was late.  This actor whose work I like introduced himself to me, and he's in a show and asked for me email so he could send me a discount code.  (I said something about really liking his work, and wanting to see him in something else.  I was basically gushing, like an idiot, but I'd been talking to someone else about it, and then he showed up, so why not?)  Not a big deal if he doesn't, I wrote on a scrap of paper, and if he even finds it later, he'll probably wonder why he has it, and what it was.

My sister is in town, staying with a friend, until she can move into her new place later this week.  Saw her yesterday, we wandered around in the ravine.  I wanted to walk to the far end, as I hadn't been there in a while.  I guess it was a long while (although 3 years max), there is now a forest along the stream...didn't recognize it at all, it's like a different park.

The singing gig went well.  The acoustics in the museum were wonderful...the kinda' place where you can hear your own voice come back at you, and it sounds good.  We got stuck in traffic driving down, so my ride decided to avoid the freeway coming back and we caught the Southworth ferry.  I'd never been either to Gig Harbor or Southworth before, so it was sorta' like a vacation.  At least I got out of town.  And the ferry was cool, since it has two stops, they load the cars facing different directions, some of which drove forward and then turned around, and some of which backed onto the ferry.  They must do that on other multi-stop ferries, but I'd never noticed it before.  Gig Harbor is beautiful, and it was a lot cooler out there, than in the city.  That was the hottest day of the summer.  I think both the choirs start up again for real after Labor Day.

Enjoying the free evenings, those are going away soon.

Just heard Gene Wilder died, man, I loved him...there was something lovely, kind, and (as someone else pointed out) sadistic, about the old school comedic actors that you really don't see anymore.  There was a sting and a truth, but it was never vicious.  RIP.

Sunday night

There's a cool breeze blowing through the window.  When I walked to the store at 9:30, it was already dark.  Still warm, but much cooler than yesterday, overcast, and when I'd gotten off the bus earlier, trying to rain a little.  I was wishing that would happen, but it stopped.

Walking to the bus stop after Meisner, I decided to walk a block further than usual, before turning.  There was commotion in front of me, at the door of a restaurant, some form of altercation, with two people storming off.  When I passed the entrance, a woman was saying something and I turned to look, and the people who had left, had shoved a tall, and heavy, planter in front of the door, blocking anyone else from exiting.  I walked over to try to move it, but it's heavy.  A man who works there, somehow squeezed out and tried to chase them, yelling at them for a confrontation, the woman kept asking him to stop.  By this point, two other people had turned around and joined in to help move the planter.  I don't know what happened, from the bits of conversation, and the fact that the man from the restaurant was trying to chase them, I'm guessing they also didn't pay.  At any rate, the other two managed to move the planter, and I continued on toward my bus.

Only two of us showed up.  We did a lot of warm-ups, which I don't do enough of.  Sometimes they seem frivolous in my head (they aren't), and I don't always know what to do on my own.  I asked him if he had any good vocal warm-ups, so we did those (and he gave me a name of someone.)  And then we did the "I feel," exercise, one round of chair work, and another acting exercise that I've done a lot, but for some reason, at the end of my turn, I was wondering why we do it in acting, and by the end of his turn I had my answer.  (Blind sensory experience.)

Some things I want to remember:  why do I need permission?  I feel like I'm waiting for it.  It's okay to take up space (and that means the right to be heard, the right to be on stage, the right to speak my mind, the right to have ideas, etc., not necessarily just physical space.)  It's all about connection and imagination, and I don't need approval first (and why is this an issue?)  Let myself be seen (and look at the other person.  An observation.)  Acting is being truthful, and it's important to let the guard down, the guard you mostly have to have up in everyday life.

And all of this is why regular practice is good.

Enjoying what breeze I can get

Something Like Summer, August 11/L Herlevi 2016

The hot breeze is better than no breeze, though I did have to re-drop one of my window blinds, as the breeze was not strong enough to overcome the heat from the late afternoon sunlight still streaming in.  On the whole though, slightly more pleasant than yesterday.  This being the hottest day of the year thus far.

 Took a detour on the way home, via grocery store, iced coffee stop, the lake.  The lake is packed, people strewn across the sand, paddleboards/boats plying the water; can't remember last time I witnessed that (back in the 80's?  I rarely go to the beach.)  And then I remember that we're coming into the last hurrah of summer, since schools are already gearing up to start, two more weeks.  When I was in high school, we'd already have started sports practices by now, at least unofficially (ran x-country.)  And at the lake, the earlier treatment has worked to keep the toxic algae at bay, so the water is cleaner; over the past few summers, it would've been pretty smelly and soup-like by now.

Tomorrow, the choir has a singing engagement mid-day, out on the Peninsula.  I mentioned it would be in the 90's, but wasn't able to persuade anyone to not wear the traditional costumes, which are heavy and wool.  There will be air-conditioning in the building, but still, 90 degrees, in a heavy wool dress won't be a lot of fun.  Will have to stay hydrated, I guess.  I've taken to carrying water on stage already, my throat gets really dry from all the high singing.  And our set is 30-35 minutes.

Last week, went to a free, outside, dance performance.  I sorta' saw two of the groups, but the crowds were much greater than the organizers were expecting (someone mentioned to me that they usually get 800 or so people, and it was in the 1,000's) so it was hard to see the groups in the more enclosed spaces.  A lovely evening to be out, so watched the sailboats chase each other across the water, marauding hoards about to make landfall (in my imagination), and walked down to the beach to sit for a while, watch the sunset.  On the way to the bus stop, saw a tv in a bar showing the Olympics (gymanstics), so stopped in and ate tacos.  As it got darker, went to catch my bus.  Had a bit of a wait, so sat on a bench and looked at the pictures in my camera.  A succession of people sat beside me, the last of which was breathing heavily.  When I glanced over, he had a lighter in his hand and started smoking something (no idea what it was.)  He saw me looking at him, and offered it to me, I declined, but there was something rather considerate in the offer.  His breathing calmed down, and whatever it was, it didn't make him agitated in any way, so I stayed.

Saturday, made it out to the "Out of Sight" art exhibit at the King Street Station.  Only open on weekends, through the end of the month.  It's up on the top floor, second year.  I love the space.  I love that there are huge works of art that can be site specific.  And I'm saddened to hear that the current plans for the space are for offices.  Seems like a shame to me (and I guess I should go to the next public hearing).  Artists have lost a lot of space in the city, whether that be from buildings being torn down or converted to office/condo/overpriced apartments, etc., that I hate to see this space have the same fate.  There is a lot of vacant office space, not a lot of vacant space for artists to work (especially photographers, where the high ceilings and natural light are more of a factor.)

Stopped by the Seattle Yukon Museum.  Haven't been there in ages.  They run a 25 minute film on Seattle and the Gold Rush.  I was slightly amused to notice there were more people in that theatre than in some movies I've gone to (30 or so?)

Reminded me of a long (dormant, as of late) fascination I've had with the Yukon Territory.  I should probably go soon.  I decided earlier in the week that I'll take a vacation in April of next year.  Will give me a few months to save.  Spain or Quebec, depends on airfare, and I can stay longer in Spain for the same amount of money as Quebec.  So, no Yukon, yet (and I want to go there in the winter.)  That'll be about five years since I've taken a vacation.  Right now, I have tuition coming due, so have to figure that one out.

Too hot now, to remain in the attic.  And my skin is burning: seemed to have become an insect magnet.

Show

Not sure what I witnessed, exactly.  Came in a little late, after missing the bus.  Ran to the theatre, hoping they'd still let me in (they did.)  Had to wait in the stairwell, and was mid-way through reading the "rules", at a point where I was supposed to say something out loud that began, "I will be brave..." when the door opened and I was let in.  The program was a map of the space, as well as an invitation ("You are Chosen"), to a party, that the actors are also chosen for.  And so throughout, there was an anxiety regarding what this party was for, what it meant to be chosen, and what the right outfit for the occasion might be (white, wedding-type dresses.) There were signs in each room (where you could wander in and out of at will) of what was expected, but I only remember actually seeing two of them.  I put make-up on someone, and screamed with a few people (which was fun), and drank tea, had red chalk put on my arm, and helped with a dress...and it was interesting, but I don't have the program, and I'll have to re-read what I've seen written about it to grasp it further.  This would be "Girl" at Annex, an immersive theatre piece.  (One review spoke of a Hero's Journey, and another of what we expect of women.)  In the end, we were led into the theatre (later I saw there were paper cut-outs of clothing, like on a wash-line, hanging up behind us), where the "girls" sang, wearing white dresses, and wrapped their waists in cords, in some sorta' ritual, and then a large, white envelop dropped from the ceiling, for their efforts.  Inside was a letter that read, "You Choose."  And one by one, they exited the stage, and then we all exited the building.

Nothing static

Hung out with friends on Sunday night, one I haven't seen in probably 30 years(!), the other, I saw another side I didn't know existed, surprising, not necessarily in a bad way, like a carefulness fell away, less guarded.  Something shifted; a good thing, I think.

We've had our annual visitation of gull babies drop in at work.  One of them died, not sure what happened to the second one, but it's gone today; always hope they learned to fly and left on their own volition.  No way to tell, really.  Someone lost a parrot, signs up all over around the lake.  The parrot's name is "Herman" and the sign says it likes peanuts and almonds.  I thought I might have heard it, but when I looked out the window, just a couple of crows sitting on a branch looking back at me.  Put some nuts out in the yard just the same, hope it found it's way home.  I like that there's a parrot named "Herman" out in the world.

While waiting to hear back from the friend on Sunday, suddenly decided to rearrange, clean, sort through the boxes from my friend's basement (that I haven't dealt with since December.)  I have more space, but shoved things in front of my closet and my dresser.  Still need to deal with that, but decided to go see a live show tonight (theatre), so it'll have to wait (or maybe I'll get to it after the show; at some point, I'll need to wear different clothes.) Someone moved in, and I think someone is moving out.

I want something solid, and constant, to counteract a vague anxiety that haunts the back of my mind.  Everything is shifting, always.  I should, too.

Rememberance

It's late, and I'm up cooking fava beans.  Bought them at the farmer's market earlier today and was doing a cold soak (they were dried ones.)  Went out to the "From Hiroshima to Hope" (to remember the bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, and all who have died from acts of violence) event out at Greenlake earlier tonight, with it's culmination of setting wood/paper lanters afloat at dusk.  When I began to walk home again, there were still people going out on the dock to put their lanterns on the water, probably an hour into it?  There were a lot of lanterns, this year they floated directly across the lake from the docks, in a previous year, the currents took them toward the swimming docks.

Crossing the Lake, August 6/L Herlevi 2016

All the Lights, August 6/L Herlevi 2016

Lanterns, Aug 6/L Herlevi 2016

That we are all mud and ecstasy, that within us lies the possibilities of be the lowest or the highest.  That we could see the essence in the other, and not just the action.  That we could punish the action while never losing sight of the soul of the other.  That we could learn from each other.  That there is no need for "other" to pit ourselves against. That there is love, and we all come from the same place.  That there could one day be peace.

Lighting the lost spirits home again.  

Finally, practice

Our first Meisner-practicing group met tonight.  It was good.  We did chair-work (there were only three of us, so, 2x each), and another vulnerability exercise.  We did each chair session for 15 minutes, and the other for five; I mention the timing because in some ways while in it, it feels like forever, and then when the time is up I think, "Wow, is it over already?"  The second exercise was a series of (truthful) "I feel...I feel..." stating what was going on with you in the moment, and while that was being explained, I couldn't imagine doing that for five minutes, and yet, lived through it.

In the second chair I did break down deeper and tried to stay there, but side coaching took me out of it (not always the case), and in the "I feel" exercise, I pulled back, I mean, partly, I didn't want to start crying and not be able to stop (as in the singing class, where I pretty much cried the rest of the night, and the next day); and while I realize there is a lack of trust in that decision to pull back, to not go there, the other side of me is remembering, that "this is not actually a therapy session," and trying to walk the line between those things, 'cos obviously, the point is to have access to all of you, to be vulnerable, to be fully available.  And it's a safe space for it.  I'll have to spend time writing about it on paper.  I guess there are some things I need to think about.

I'm glad this happened.  We are meeting again in two weeks, and will see how it goes; it seems it would be too much to ask to meet more often.  (It would also be really good practice to meet more often.)  One part of my head says, "Oh, how do you find the committment to this in busy life?"  But then another side says, "Well, you are all actors, and this is what you want to be doing, so, yeah, it makes sense to find the time to practice."  Again, not an art form that can really be practiced in solitude all the time, as interactions matter.

I've been wanting to find people to work with for two years, so again, this is good.

In other news, waiting to hear back from a doctor I saw earlier today regarding pressure in my chest, against my rib cage.  They wanted to rule out my heart (or a blood clot).  I wanted to rule out my gall bladder (I didn't win, and they also didn't do any blood work, which I need.)  It makes me not want to eat, because eating hurts.  Anyway, doesn't seem that anyone has called, so I'm hoping no news is good news.  Though I would like to know what's wrong...I'm too young for all of this, it's ridiculous how bad I've been feeling this year.

And then I tried to use an atm card earlier only to be told it had expired, and the balance was zero.  I never received a replacement, can't imagine anyone else could be using it.  Not super worried, as there isn't that much money in the account, though I was gonna use it to pay a bill that's due.  Can't do anything about it until tomorrow.  A lot less worried about it than I normally would be.  I guess that's progress.