Later

Had to go home during lunch because I forgot part of my clown outfit. Somehow zoned out on the bus during the final 15 blocks to my stop and missed it, became aware of surroundings as we turned the corner and pulled up to a stop near my house, luckily someone else had pulled the cord: I was watching the buildings, trying to figure out where I was and realized I had already gone passed my stop. Got off and walked back. I've never missed my stop before. I wasn't even tired.

I called the landlord about the yellow jackets earlier today. When I walked up to the house, they were at least flying 20 feet away from hive, and over the sidewalk, so I used the other door. Nothing had been done to mark it off (not surprised that they haven't done anything. They should, they could get sued if someone has a bad reaction to a bite.) If I remember, I'll try to find some sidewalk chalk and mark it that way. I don't want to get close to the hive. It's weird. It's like they appeared suddenly, I don't remember seeing any even a couple days ago when I watered, and now there are hundreds.

And I've been thinking about the scene, I hope I can do it justice. Some of the dialogue is so absurd, it's hilarious. At this point, I can't even read it without tears streaming down my face because I'm laughing so hard. Complete cluelessness on the part of my character.  It'll be fun. (As long as I can play it seriously.)

One class left now. It's after midnight, I ate, but won't shower (which is gross, but...it's late, I'm tired and I want to get enough sleep.) My favorite exercise that we did was the last one which involved a lot of stillness. I misunderstood it, was in the first group and did too much (it hadn't been explained much at that point.) I wanted to go again because the point was to do nothing and see what evolved, but we ran out of time. I want to see if I can do nothing and not be boring. It goes back to what we had talked about in the last class. I don't normally operate at higher emotional levels, and it does feel imposed when I do (though, admittedly, it's also fun to go there.) I often feel fake when I have to push it, I do it hoping I'll get to a point where it doesn't feel that way, where it's genuine.  I said I'd get my assignment emailed to him tonight, but I won't. Will have to write it in the morning. I'm not really thinking in complete sentences right now. (I couldn't remember what it had been and by the time a classmate emailed me back, I didn't have time to write it.) Shoot, I left half a slice of pizza in the studio when I exited tonight. Hopefully someone else tossed it.  I hope something has shifted inside me from all this. I'm not always certain.

Just getting home from class

Well, went from class to wait to go to the Long Shot auction and then ran down back down into town to see a staged reading of a play in development, which for some reason didn't initially register in my head as being three-hours long. Anyway, ran into a friend there when I was leaving and she offered to drive me home. Otherwise, I would just be boarding the bus downtown now. Very moving. The story is about the plight of Cambodian refugees, but name a country, it could apply. What is it to be held indefinitely in detention when you have no country? Why do we insist on the breaking of the spirit of one another...are we not all human? We need to find another solution.

As far as class goes, the scene actually makes more sense as being played by two women. It's still going to be awkward (the kissing), but I think it would feel awkward to kiss any of my classmates. I'll survive. There was a lot of nice work in the photo exhibit, I probably coulda' submitted something. Maybe shouldn't be so hard on myself. I almost asked my friend to buy me something at 8:30 pm, when the price dropped to $25. But I had to run, and I didn't have cash on me when he arrived.

Still no good two-person trick for tomorrow. Seems to be a theme, not just for me. Perhaps I'll dream of something.

Might have a little food-poisoning.

Home

Just got home from the Meisner showcase. Somehow I thought it might run until 9 pm, but the scenes ended after 10:20 pm, and there was Q & A with the actors which I wanted to stay for, but needed to catch a bus, so ran out.  There were seven scenes, split into three groupings (3, 2, 2) the first and last were comedies, and the last one is the only one that made me cry. It's from the same play that I'm doing a scene from, almost the end. They did a great job with it, it runs hot/cold and emotionally all over the place. Sam Shepard's A Lie of the Mind really stood out for me as well.  And there was a whole lotta simmering heat overall.

Found out the Meisner interviews are on the 16th of July, and you have to have a resume. I'll need to look that up; what do you put on one when you are just starting out? Also, I was talking about the clown class (with George Lewis) to some other students and now I'm even more afraid. They were afraid to take it as well, but it's full. Someone said that they heard that if you survive it, you are afraid of nothing. (And that's a normal length course, this one is crammed into three weeks.) Yes, I'm scared. If I start to feel like I'm going to lose it, I give myself permission to quit (I never do that.) And I'm taking off the second week from work (the other class starts that week as well, that one might be intense, but it won't be scary.) I think he's the man to learn it from though, so I will.  Shit.

Anyway, this was the first night where the bus tunnel was hot, I'm usually freezing in there. The bus might have been late, but it was packed and a steam bath inside. Thankfully, someone finally decided to open some windows, they'd been fogging up and everyone was sweaty. The smell reminded me of the old busses we used to ride out to the strawberry fields when I was a kid. Summer jobs. I guess there was a baseball game earlier, which accounts for the crowd, more than usual.

My last class is this week, and then it all starts up again in two-and-a-half weeks. A short break.

Feeling blah

It's lovely out, finally warming up. It was chilly yesterday, I wasn't wearing enough clothing, didn't feel like standing and waiting for the bus, so walked 40 blocks home. Ended up missing meeting up with a friend. Planning would be good, it's always last minute. Feeling kinda' blah, trying to get rid of headache through drinking water, see if that actually works. I tend to take too many anti-inflammatories, so trying to cut back.  I relate all too well with this character in the play my scene is from. It's interesting, glad the playwright wrote it down.  I do find myself sympathizing too much with my scene partner's character though, but his behavior really would raise red flags.  The water seems to have gotten rid of the headache, a pleasant surprise.

Sometimes, it would be useful to have a cell phone. (Advantages not out-weighing disadvantages, yet. Maybe I'll look at it again, when I get my bills paid off.) A working camera would be good, too. (And new hiking boots (since I seem to be making a list now); blew them out last night.)

Thursday night

Totally psyched that I was assigned a comedy in class tonight. And I like the character, even if she does hit really close to home. (And class is still fun.) Thank you stj.