Sunday

Just finished our Kalevala Day event (a week late.)  Sang "Oma Maa" by Sibelius; I actually made it to a few rehearsals, and so sang.  I'm glad: I love this piece of music (one of my favorite things I've ever sung.)  We had instrumentalists today, so really the first time we were all together was this morning.  I hear it went well, the balance was good, won't get to sing it again for a while.  Anyway, now we have a month off (and I'm still in Shakespeare for the rest of March.)

We filmed the "Hedda" scenes on Wednesday, and didn't do any make up, so that's done, too.  It'll be edited, and everyone will see them on Wednesday.  I'd been having a rough day prior to the filming, and by the time we shot I was punchy, saying off-hand remarks to people and having fits of laughing.  Also, because of theatre/clown/travel, I've taken to changing my clothes publically...I just don't care anymore.  (I was like that in my early 20's as well.)  I mention this because I did it earlier today, and realized maybe I shouldn't; but it's hard to put these dresses on in a tiny toilet stall.

I finally started to go through the boxes again, found a bunch of old cassette tapes, many of them mixed tapes, and not in the right cases.  I used to give them to people all the time, and borrow music, apparently, not sure where I got half these songs.  They are from late 80's to mid 90's.  Everything is in disarray, but I did get rid of one of the musty smelling boxes, at least.

We're in between rain storms, nature is breaking out in flower.  It was well into the 60's yesterday.

I need to write, write.  Saw two films last weekend, "The Serpent's Embrace," and "Only Yesterday," both of which left me with a lot to think about: how the smallest of actions have repercussions, what happens when the stories die?, the idea of feral vs wild (and how once you lose wild, you can not gain back what was lost; the stories contained are gone, what is left, what can be resown, is at best an approximation, the context and history slowly lost with each passing sowing, with each generation), how our lives are shaped by seemingly small encounters, how we can misinterpret things and how that will color how we react and how we view ourselves (without ever having a sounding board to tell us otherwise), among others.  "Only Yesterday," (Studio Ghibli), while animated, is definitely not a children's film, it's like a mid-life crisis (though the character is 27, I believe, so perhaps a Saturn return).  There's really no plot, and no happy ending, though it's realistic, and brutally honest.  It was sad and refreshing at the same time.  We are who we are, and maybe we can figure out why.  Perhaps what we say we want isn't really what we want afterall, and how do we face up to that?

I don't know why I put off writing so much.  Why I put off the things I say I want, want to do...what would be so hard in starting?  And yet I don't, not much, not lately.  The effort feels more than I can muster.

Oh!  Sudden lightening and thunder, out of nowhere, almost right above the house.