More to think about

Henceforth get thee away!  Reading Shakespeare on the bus, and now am thinking to myself in Elizabethan English which is both amusing and a little annoying-and yes, that's the best sentence I could come up with after verses of mistaken identity, accusations of sorcery, and servants taking the blame for every last misunderstanding.  (And yes, had I begun sooner, I might've written this post that way...maybe next time.)  Not actually sure why it stayed in my brain so long.  "Comedy of Errors."  Not sure if I will use a monologue from this or go back to "Othello."  (I am inconsistent with punctuation.  I know it.)  They are with the Abbess now, but I haven't finished it.

Went to a cold-reading workshop.  Will try to find more opportunities.  I just need to do it, and I like having the feedback.  I need to get over my self-consciousness, let myself to flirt with text (been an issue before), and figure out why I'm shutting down my impulses before I even know they exist, or at least how to stop doing this.  It was an issue all last year in Meisner as well.  Has not always been, nor has my squelching emotions.  I need to take the judgement off of these things (of myself).  I wasn't always like this, I used to be pretty fiery (not always the best choice in life, granted), but within the past several years I haven't been.  It's not like that was ever particularly safe at any point, so why the sudden stop?  If not always helpful in life, it would be useful in theatre; I'd like to get it back.

If I can get past the self-consciousness (making a boring choice? a dumb choice? a foolish choice?), maybe I can learn a foreign language, too...well, a lot of things.  It held me back there as well.  So much of this is boldness.  Pushing out as far as you can to see what too far is, and where you can come back to.  ("Make big shapes I can move in."-Rilke, my mantra for taking chances.)  Need to be brave enough to be a fool.  To look like a fool.  To sound like a fool.  To actually do it, out loud and, not just in my head.  Thinking is not the same as doing.

No risk and nothing ever changes.