Just sang a concert with the Finnish Choir. We sang "courting/marriage" songs. We had scheduled this last fall. It went well, especially considering that we just switched directors and hadn't sung these songs much since the summer. People told me afterward that they enjoyed it. We only had accompaniment on two of the songs (one piano, one accordion.) We sang Tuljak toward the end, I hope between the four of us (sopranos), the fast part came out, I know I missed a lot of it. Someone told me that they appreciated that I looked like I was enjoying myself...I do. I was watching the video from Finland, it's possible I move around a little much when I sing...but they are dance songs (polkas and waltzes.) I remembered this morning that I had had some tiffs with people on tour, and we still speak to each other, so I guess I have a few more than my family (related to what I wrote yesterday.)
And for the record, I have not maliciously spoken about anyone in the ensemble (nor the choir) behind their backs. I am capable of being malicious, I'm not a saint, but I have not done it. Here, I generally only speak of my own personal growth, struggles and frustrations (exceptions being show reflections, which have at times been opinionated.) (I worked with someone once, artistically, who would regularly go on rants to all of us, thinking someone in the group had been trying to undermine him, but it was always so vague. I always ended up feeling guilty. Feeling accused of something. Feeling like I needed to apologize to clear the air, even though I never had persecuted him in any way-I don't think anyone in that group had. He was brilliant, but I was always uneasy around him because of it. He was never direct, we were always walking on eggshells. And that was destructive to that ensemble: simmering unspoken accusations, creating mistrust. All of us being punished for an unspoken wrong.) I know it's hard to be direct, but that has to come first, in both directions, ie, if you're gonna accuse someone, you should ask them about it, and clear it there first. Otherwise the vagueness really does breed mistrust. And you can't be fully open artistically without fully being able to trust that it's safe. Lack of specificity leaves me feeling accused and less open.
From highs of the concert to lows when I got home. I spent a half-hour digging through the garbage to try to make space for actual garbage...someone filled the can up with clothing (I'll deal with it later, for now I bagged it up and put it in the entryway; H&M will give you credit for it.) The problem is, the people I live with seem to only think about themselves, right now, and I always have to clean up after them because they a) live with other people; b) live with other people that might need to use the same space in five minutes. (I get some money off rent, not really enough, to make sure the house is functioning, so not an option to ignore it. And doesn't seem to work to keep mentioning it. I just feel like I'm nagging.) It would be fine if you lived alone, but doesn't work in a group, you have to consider a bigger picture, it creates too much tension if you never do that, ie, people fighting over dirty dishes left in the sink for days or weeks. Ugh. Haven't built an exercise around that, though I've tried once or twice. ("Live and let live" is nice in theory, but too much chaos in a living situation becomes a health and a general safety issue. And I don't want to be held responsible for someone else's damage to the rental house. It's more than the garbage.)
I've finally scheduled my coaching session. Have gotten one of the plays down to three possible monologues...I know, just pick one, the world won't end when I do. And I need to memorize it. Have not chosen a contrasting piece, but she said to bring something even if I'm not particularly excited about it. (I don't have a situation for my second half of class tomorrow yet. Have the first half. I just emailed my partner about the relationship.) Still need to get a haircut and schedule the photo session...free time is not something I have much of. At least I have the resume, she wanted me to bring both.
Time feels like it's flying by. The concert was fun, but I'm glad I can check that off the list. And we have a couple more coming up soon: Kalevala Day and a spring concert. The other choir is singing in German now, so need to figure out how to pronounce that, too. Not enough sleep, gonna be a long day.
Monday, February 10, 2014
Sunday, February 9, 2014
After class
Am an emotional wreck. Trying to sing songs I've sung before an can't get through them...seeing if I remember to breath and relax my chest if I can make it all the way through. It's the music that's wrecking me, I was fine before I started singing.
After class. Connections between point A and point B too convoluted. I sorta' knew it'd be a problem walking into it tonight as it was a circumstance I came up with for last Tuesday and I no longer felt connected to it. No comments on what happened between us, so I guess nothing did. I don't know what to do with that. She later said I needed to figure out who I can fight with...maybe family, everyone else has consequences...the ex with the records and I are on okay terms, but for the most part, I can't seem to be able to speak my mind to anyone (except family) and they stay. I have a friend I can argue with, but it's different, we never blow up on each other, it's never personal. And the co-dependant trait has me taking responsibility for everything before I let myself blame anyone else (that, and all the messages out there that say I need to take responsibility for my life and everything in it. That you're not supposed to blame anyone for anything. That you/I need to figure out your/my role in the situation and own up to it...really messes with the mind. Suppression.)
Anyway, hopefully, Tuesday's will go well. The chair work was good, I felt like we read each other, and not just the obvious things. It's nice to get the chair work in before class, then when the exercise comes up, we're still connected. Hard to do on a weeknight, as I get there right before class starts, because I have to leave from work.
I get home and I look at a picture from childhood and it's like the floodgates that won't open in class break free and I start crying. I guess it's direct and simple, but when I try to do that in the hallway, nothing works. I feel like I'm trying to force emotion. I still haven't figured out what to do before walking on stage/set/whatever...I'm trying to use stuff from class, but I'm no closer to it than I was 8 months ago. I feel rushed. I feel self-conscious. I feel like I missed a memo somewhere that everyone else got...I don't know how to do this (the person B, the one that enters second. If the action is set up well for person A, I can do that one.) My emotions and imagination feel like a stubborn child. So, how do I speak to that child? I should make one of these last two scenarios happy. (It's really cold in here, like someone left a window wide open.)
On another bright side, people brought food into class, Spanish and Irish. The Irish bread was good, and the other temporarily tamed my never ending (somewhat inexplicable) homesickness for Spain.
Peace.
After class. Connections between point A and point B too convoluted. I sorta' knew it'd be a problem walking into it tonight as it was a circumstance I came up with for last Tuesday and I no longer felt connected to it. No comments on what happened between us, so I guess nothing did. I don't know what to do with that. She later said I needed to figure out who I can fight with...maybe family, everyone else has consequences...the ex with the records and I are on okay terms, but for the most part, I can't seem to be able to speak my mind to anyone (except family) and they stay. I have a friend I can argue with, but it's different, we never blow up on each other, it's never personal. And the co-dependant trait has me taking responsibility for everything before I let myself blame anyone else (that, and all the messages out there that say I need to take responsibility for my life and everything in it. That you're not supposed to blame anyone for anything. That you/I need to figure out your/my role in the situation and own up to it...really messes with the mind. Suppression.)
Anyway, hopefully, Tuesday's will go well. The chair work was good, I felt like we read each other, and not just the obvious things. It's nice to get the chair work in before class, then when the exercise comes up, we're still connected. Hard to do on a weeknight, as I get there right before class starts, because I have to leave from work.
I get home and I look at a picture from childhood and it's like the floodgates that won't open in class break free and I start crying. I guess it's direct and simple, but when I try to do that in the hallway, nothing works. I feel like I'm trying to force emotion. I still haven't figured out what to do before walking on stage/set/whatever...I'm trying to use stuff from class, but I'm no closer to it than I was 8 months ago. I feel rushed. I feel self-conscious. I feel like I missed a memo somewhere that everyone else got...I don't know how to do this (the person B, the one that enters second. If the action is set up well for person A, I can do that one.) My emotions and imagination feel like a stubborn child. So, how do I speak to that child? I should make one of these last two scenarios happy. (It's really cold in here, like someone left a window wide open.)
On another bright side, people brought food into class, Spanish and Irish. The Irish bread was good, and the other temporarily tamed my never ending (somewhat inexplicable) homesickness for Spain.
Peace.
Snowy Saturday Night
Finally got the snow I was waiting for. Left the house at 1 pm to make a 2 pm showing of A Great Wilderness playing at the Rep, barely made it. It was sunny and cold. Stayed for the talk-back after. (Had mixed feelings based on comments regarding show prior to seeing it. Chose this performance because there was a post-play discussion. Originally was watching it with those criticisms in mind, but then thought about it from the discussion. It was powerful...I'll probably write more later, because I wrote alot about it earlier in a journal.) It was the third world premiere this season (Bo-Nita and The Hound of the Baskervilles being the other two.)
Later, I was sitting in Dick's Drive-In waiting for it to be time to go to a movie across the street at SIFF (Seattle International Film Festival) Cinema and writing, and finally walked outside and was surprised that it was snowing. Didn't seem like it would stick, but by the time the movie was over, it had. There's 1/2" to 1" at my house already.
The film was the documentary Walking the Camino at 7 pm, which also had a Q&A. I pretty much just needed it for my soul. The filmmaker did a wonderful job with capturing emotional experiences, the doubts, the injuries, the community, and the hardships of doing it. Before the film played she asked how many people had walked it, and then how many wanted to. Most people raised their hands for the latter. After the film was over, she asked again, and less hands went up. It's a tough thing to do, but it was the most meaningful/important decision I've ever made. (And I miss Spain.) Taking Meisner this year might be the second. Both experiences have been that profound and life-changing.
Anyway, no busses came through the tunnel going my way for over an hour-and-a-half. (I left the theatre just before 9 pm, and didn't catch a bus northbound until 10:47.) I eventually walked up to the street and caught one. Someone originally thought it was because the busses needed to chain up, but then said it was because people had abandoned cars or something. The bus I finally caught didn't seem to have any issues and was on schedule. My toes were freezing. Wore the wrong shoes for snow. Pretty though.
Later, I was sitting in Dick's Drive-In waiting for it to be time to go to a movie across the street at SIFF (Seattle International Film Festival) Cinema and writing, and finally walked outside and was surprised that it was snowing. Didn't seem like it would stick, but by the time the movie was over, it had. There's 1/2" to 1" at my house already.
The film was the documentary Walking the Camino at 7 pm, which also had a Q&A. I pretty much just needed it for my soul. The filmmaker did a wonderful job with capturing emotional experiences, the doubts, the injuries, the community, and the hardships of doing it. Before the film played she asked how many people had walked it, and then how many wanted to. Most people raised their hands for the latter. After the film was over, she asked again, and less hands went up. It's a tough thing to do, but it was the most meaningful/important decision I've ever made. (And I miss Spain.) Taking Meisner this year might be the second. Both experiences have been that profound and life-changing.
Anyway, no busses came through the tunnel going my way for over an hour-and-a-half. (I left the theatre just before 9 pm, and didn't catch a bus northbound until 10:47.) I eventually walked up to the street and caught one. Someone originally thought it was because the busses needed to chain up, but then said it was because people had abandoned cars or something. The bus I finally caught didn't seem to have any issues and was on schedule. My toes were freezing. Wore the wrong shoes for snow. Pretty though.
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| 9 pm, Feb 8/L Herlevi 2014 |
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| 10:20 ish, Feb 8/L Herlevi 2014 |
Saturday, February 8, 2014
Dream about "clown"
Still not snowing. Had a bunch of weird dreams about Meisner (invading all parts of my life now), last one involved being jealous of someone and realizing that I should just start calling it out and wanting for us to walk into class and go, but then realized we weren't scheduled for that day, and then later, that we weren't actually partners. Still I wanted to run with it, because I was tapping a strong vein of emotion (more than jealousy) and I wanted to see where it would go. It felt really alive and free. Woke up happy, I guess because I'd hit an intensity of emotion I hadn't been able to, and even if it was at odds with who I might want to admit I am, I wanted it to be witnessed. And why do I get mad if someone acts where I didn't? Gets credit for an idea I had but sat on? Time to act baby, instead of always waiting, thinking the opportunity will still be there way in the future.
Also had a dream about a clown routine, an idea for one. The clown was polling passersbys and writing the results on a white board, but I wasn't sure what question the clown should be asking and I was asking for advice on that. And the answer she kept giving me was to ask me the question, "What does it mean to 'wander lonely as a cloud'?" Wordsworth (I wandered lonely as a cloud.) Imagery of the poem fitting for the dream, and star-gazing, somehow. Feel like I'm back in my college romantic poetry class. I didn't think that answered the question I had, but maybe it does. What does it mean, and how does that relate to the clown? What does the clown do next?
This clown needs to learn lyrics. Ciao.
(A blue jay just started hollering outside my window until I opened the blinds and looked at it. Guess I should get up, it is after 9.)
Also had a dream about a clown routine, an idea for one. The clown was polling passersbys and writing the results on a white board, but I wasn't sure what question the clown should be asking and I was asking for advice on that. And the answer she kept giving me was to ask me the question, "What does it mean to 'wander lonely as a cloud'?" Wordsworth (I wandered lonely as a cloud.) Imagery of the poem fitting for the dream, and star-gazing, somehow. Feel like I'm back in my college romantic poetry class. I didn't think that answered the question I had, but maybe it does. What does it mean, and how does that relate to the clown? What does the clown do next?
This clown needs to learn lyrics. Ciao.
(A blue jay just started hollering outside my window until I opened the blinds and looked at it. Guess I should get up, it is after 9.)
Friday, February 7, 2014
Always Waiting for Snow
Snow everywhere but here. Late in the day, a 30% chance appears back in the forecast. But as the sky darkens I can see the moon and the stars. It's not snow, but it's pretty.
For every nine works-in-progress performances I go see, I'd really like to see one show that knocks it out of the park. I enjoy seeing the process of artistic vision being birthed, and I'm glad it's happening, and there is a lot of talent here. But I'd also like to see more work where all that talent comes together in a unified vision of what they are trying to present: artistic director, tech director, sound/light/set designers, costumer, stage manager, writer, and actors sitting down and saying this is the story we want to tell with this show. And working through all the permutations and experiments of rehearsal, and right before (or during) tech week agreeing again what that story is (even if it's changed since the beginning) and eliminating elements that distract from that, weakening the narrative whether that be gratuitous words, movement, sound, nudity, visual, whatever isn't needed to tell the actual story, and egos contained within the bigger picture rather than being able to distract from the common story. It does happen. A pleasure and an exhilaration. When it happens, I get fired up for art. For three hours and $50/ticket, I wish it would happen more. Everything that happens on that stage when the audience is there, in the service of the narrative that you want to present. You know, I'm rooting for you anyway (generic "you"), but I like having my socks knocked off.
I think most people who go see the work are on your side, we want you to succeed. Let yourself.
For every nine works-in-progress performances I go see, I'd really like to see one show that knocks it out of the park. I enjoy seeing the process of artistic vision being birthed, and I'm glad it's happening, and there is a lot of talent here. But I'd also like to see more work where all that talent comes together in a unified vision of what they are trying to present: artistic director, tech director, sound/light/set designers, costumer, stage manager, writer, and actors sitting down and saying this is the story we want to tell with this show. And working through all the permutations and experiments of rehearsal, and right before (or during) tech week agreeing again what that story is (even if it's changed since the beginning) and eliminating elements that distract from that, weakening the narrative whether that be gratuitous words, movement, sound, nudity, visual, whatever isn't needed to tell the actual story, and egos contained within the bigger picture rather than being able to distract from the common story. It does happen. A pleasure and an exhilaration. When it happens, I get fired up for art. For three hours and $50/ticket, I wish it would happen more. Everything that happens on that stage when the audience is there, in the service of the narrative that you want to present. You know, I'm rooting for you anyway (generic "you"), but I like having my socks knocked off.
I think most people who go see the work are on your side, we want you to succeed. Let yourself.
Thursday, February 6, 2014
How does one conjure "joy"?
Where is "joy" on the spectrum of emotions? It was suggested I go for joy on one of these last exercises. (I need to reverse one of these last three as well, go as far down the road as possible, and then reverse the outcome...not sure which one I'll do that with. I have one exercise and one emotional state in my mind for Sunday, but neither of them are "joyful," at the moment. They could both be tweaked. Lord knows I've changed these all until I walk through the door.) I've tried "celebrating/joy" before, but have not landed it. I feel like it's quiet, quieter than triumph, deeper than happy. Is it the fleeting sense or the constant one? Is it the moment when you witness beauty, or when you realize you've won? In my head, joy feels private, but I think I need to expand my thoughts on that. A tendency isn't the last word, or the truth even, just a habit formed over time. Habits can be re-examined. Broken. Liberated.
If "happy" is a state of mind, an outlook on life, a choice on one's point-of-view, and "triumph" is allowing yourself to acknowledge a win, even small gains toward something you really want (and the result of allowing yourself to want and commit to something to an end point also the result of an active choice), than "joy" is an unexpected gift, momentary, a fleeting response. Yeah...how do I conjure that and make it distinct? Eh...challenges are a good thing.
If "happy" is a state of mind, an outlook on life, a choice on one's point-of-view, and "triumph" is allowing yourself to acknowledge a win, even small gains toward something you really want (and the result of allowing yourself to want and commit to something to an end point also the result of an active choice), than "joy" is an unexpected gift, momentary, a fleeting response. Yeah...how do I conjure that and make it distinct? Eh...challenges are a good thing.
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
Quiet
The last couple of nights I've dreamt of snow and then was surprised that there wasn't any falling from the sky when I woke up. Low 20's, before the wind-chill, bright blue skies. People camped out for the Seahawks parade. Contained chaos. Very quiet elsewhere.
Still trying to pin down monologues, and need to set an appointment for photos. About to go into our last exercise for the year in class. I still have a make-up, since we didn't get to ours last night. And we got our Spoon River Anthology characters. I'll have to find her fire. I'm feeling wishy-washy about her (Emily Sparks), but I did put her on every list I made when I tried to choose, so there must've been something I liked there. I'm just at that point where I feel limited by having made a choice; I go through this with everything...it's one of my walls. Looking longingly at all the choices that are currently closed off to me so I can commit fully to one, right now. It's only ever superficial until you commit. There's no depth when you constantly look over your shoulder at what you could've had. (Grass is greener...etc.)
Also trying to meditate (again). I'd like to do it at night, but I always just fall asleep. It's such a pleasant state of being (floaty, half-waken, stress-free), that when I meditate in the morning, I have a hard time making myself leave that state and get out of the house on time. I don't actually know what I'm doing, trying to make it up.
Need to have someone work on my back, shoulder blade is completely locked up. Been that way for a couple of weeks, but waiting to pay down my deductible. Not a pleasant state of being.
Cheers.
Still trying to pin down monologues, and need to set an appointment for photos. About to go into our last exercise for the year in class. I still have a make-up, since we didn't get to ours last night. And we got our Spoon River Anthology characters. I'll have to find her fire. I'm feeling wishy-washy about her (Emily Sparks), but I did put her on every list I made when I tried to choose, so there must've been something I liked there. I'm just at that point where I feel limited by having made a choice; I go through this with everything...it's one of my walls. Looking longingly at all the choices that are currently closed off to me so I can commit fully to one, right now. It's only ever superficial until you commit. There's no depth when you constantly look over your shoulder at what you could've had. (Grass is greener...etc.)
Also trying to meditate (again). I'd like to do it at night, but I always just fall asleep. It's such a pleasant state of being (floaty, half-waken, stress-free), that when I meditate in the morning, I have a hard time making myself leave that state and get out of the house on time. I don't actually know what I'm doing, trying to make it up.
Need to have someone work on my back, shoulder blade is completely locked up. Been that way for a couple of weeks, but waiting to pay down my deductible. Not a pleasant state of being.
Cheers.
Monday, February 3, 2014
It's a gift, really
The moon, as it set tonight, was a massive orange sliver, dropping heavily toward the skyline. It's cold. Really cold in the tunnel. Had to wait awhile for my bus. In the front, sports talk. Next to me, a woman who needed to rant about bus service cuts; she was right in a lot of things, but stuck on a loop of thought and not really listening to anyone...I just wanted to get home. I tried to look out the window and focus on seeing the moon.
Went to a show, on the theatre pass. I dozed off during the first act, again, because the person in front of me blocked my view of most of the stage, it makes it really hard for me to pay attention. I have no idea what happened in the first act. I was awake for the entire second act, it was staged more forward and everyone was standing, so I could see them. Sad but true. (It was my fault for sitting where I did.) I stayed awake for the entirety of "Reading to Vegetables," but probably dozed a little during the clown show. It's not that I'm bored. Just hard for me to sit for any length of time and stay awake. (Except on an airplane, I can fall asleep anywhere but on an airplane.)
When I was younger I tried out for the local community musicals, got in a couple (non-singing roles.) At the time, I thought I did it because all of my friends were doing it. Then in college, I did theatre because I wanted to get over my fear of public speaking, and I wanted friends. It helped with the latter, if not the former. But I think I've been continually drawn to it because I want to perform. Because I've always wanted to perform, I just never felt like I could fully admit it, commit to that idea of myself. I had to make excuses to let myself do it. I'm trying to let myself committ to that now. But aside from the glamour of movie stars and tabloids, it's a strange thing to choose. A difficult thing to do, in how much you have to give of yourself. People say of artists (or others) who are "successful" and kill themselves that they had so much fortune, and how selfish they are, but no amount of money will ever be able to chase any lurking demons away. I guess you have to face them down and somehow heal yourself, or they will always haunt you, and sometimes you lose. The drugs, the fame, the money...they don't fill in the holes, remove the pain, they just cover it up, it's still there when you are alone and facing yourself. These people, in those moments, are the same as anyone else. Broken like everyone else. Maybe more so, willingly exploring, as they do (for us), the darkest and brightest corners of our humanity, and shining a light there for the briefest of moments. Holding our hands so we are less afraid to look there, in ourselves. We are a little less alone, a little less alienated when we bear witness to it, and on some level we are healed, we find a little bit of redemption in the shared experience. Maybe we should just say, "thank you."
Went to a show, on the theatre pass. I dozed off during the first act, again, because the person in front of me blocked my view of most of the stage, it makes it really hard for me to pay attention. I have no idea what happened in the first act. I was awake for the entire second act, it was staged more forward and everyone was standing, so I could see them. Sad but true. (It was my fault for sitting where I did.) I stayed awake for the entirety of "Reading to Vegetables," but probably dozed a little during the clown show. It's not that I'm bored. Just hard for me to sit for any length of time and stay awake. (Except on an airplane, I can fall asleep anywhere but on an airplane.)
When I was younger I tried out for the local community musicals, got in a couple (non-singing roles.) At the time, I thought I did it because all of my friends were doing it. Then in college, I did theatre because I wanted to get over my fear of public speaking, and I wanted friends. It helped with the latter, if not the former. But I think I've been continually drawn to it because I want to perform. Because I've always wanted to perform, I just never felt like I could fully admit it, commit to that idea of myself. I had to make excuses to let myself do it. I'm trying to let myself committ to that now. But aside from the glamour of movie stars and tabloids, it's a strange thing to choose. A difficult thing to do, in how much you have to give of yourself. People say of artists (or others) who are "successful" and kill themselves that they had so much fortune, and how selfish they are, but no amount of money will ever be able to chase any lurking demons away. I guess you have to face them down and somehow heal yourself, or they will always haunt you, and sometimes you lose. The drugs, the fame, the money...they don't fill in the holes, remove the pain, they just cover it up, it's still there when you are alone and facing yourself. These people, in those moments, are the same as anyone else. Broken like everyone else. Maybe more so, willingly exploring, as they do (for us), the darkest and brightest corners of our humanity, and shining a light there for the briefest of moments. Holding our hands so we are less afraid to look there, in ourselves. We are a little less alone, a little less alienated when we bear witness to it, and on some level we are healed, we find a little bit of redemption in the shared experience. Maybe we should just say, "thank you."
Sunday, February 2, 2014
Sunday
Class was early because of the football game (GO HAWKS!) Was gonna go out, but sat around with my housemate and watched the game with him. (That was ridiculous.) I was covered in green body paint (well, arms and neck) and really wanted to wash it off so as to not stain any more clothes. Washed it off during halftime. (Fantasy was getting the part of Elphaba in Wicked in London; was gonna dress up and go sing Defying Gravity to the person I realized had been supporting me all along.) The body paint was for class, not the game.
My task went better, I was committed to doing it, kept doing it, had a vein, made a commitment, knew who it was pinned on...so, that worked. She didn't say much though, only commented that it was something I wanted and committed to...not sure how it went overall (she spent more time talking to my partners, there were three in the exercise.) I like having three people (it's usually just two), it actually helps me to relax my focus and when I do that, I pick up more of what's going on. Also, I did follow impulses early on, my first partner gave me something which made me cry in gratitude, and that was genuine. I do need to figure out how to make the connection work with only two people.
I was in a crappy mood most of the day, not sure why. Wanted to walk out of class, but refrained. I'm fine now. And suddenly find myself with free time.
RIP Philip Seymour Hoffman, a gifted actor. Chased by the demons of addiction. Far too young.
My task went better, I was committed to doing it, kept doing it, had a vein, made a commitment, knew who it was pinned on...so, that worked. She didn't say much though, only commented that it was something I wanted and committed to...not sure how it went overall (she spent more time talking to my partners, there were three in the exercise.) I like having three people (it's usually just two), it actually helps me to relax my focus and when I do that, I pick up more of what's going on. Also, I did follow impulses early on, my first partner gave me something which made me cry in gratitude, and that was genuine. I do need to figure out how to make the connection work with only two people.
I was in a crappy mood most of the day, not sure why. Wanted to walk out of class, but refrained. I'm fine now. And suddenly find myself with free time.
RIP Philip Seymour Hoffman, a gifted actor. Chased by the demons of addiction. Far too young.
Saturday, February 1, 2014
Saturday night
The sliver of the waxing moon dropped below the horizon hours ago. The stars are out and the sky is clear, and it's cold. Coming into another cold snap, not like the rest of the country, but it's been a mild winter here so far. The trees have begun to push energy up and out into the formation of buds and leaves. There were stinging nettles at the market this morning. The man said two weeks early, but the peak of it is usually April. We're barely a month into winter.
Went to my first clown performance tonight. It's such a different experience from "dramatic theatre" that I think I need to see more. I'm aware of that from the performance side of things, since I've studied both forms, but it's interesting to watch: very physical, lots of breaking of the fourth wall and interacting with the audience. The physical is lovely.
Went thriftstore shopping earlier, trying to find something for class. No luck really, so will have to make that work into the exercise. Tried on this cool victorian blouse, but it had a large hole in the elbow: it was 150 years old, fit, too. Changed who I'm landing my exercise on. Not the fear voice, just that while walking, I realized I was getting support from somewhere I wasn't expecting...anyway, I'm doing the same exercise/task, but changing the tone.
(Someone's phone alarm is vibrating on my ceiling, I might go mad.)
Accidently erased all of my camera memory earlier today: that's one way of letting go.
Went to my first clown performance tonight. It's such a different experience from "dramatic theatre" that I think I need to see more. I'm aware of that from the performance side of things, since I've studied both forms, but it's interesting to watch: very physical, lots of breaking of the fourth wall and interacting with the audience. The physical is lovely.
Went thriftstore shopping earlier, trying to find something for class. No luck really, so will have to make that work into the exercise. Tried on this cool victorian blouse, but it had a large hole in the elbow: it was 150 years old, fit, too. Changed who I'm landing my exercise on. Not the fear voice, just that while walking, I realized I was getting support from somewhere I wasn't expecting...anyway, I'm doing the same exercise/task, but changing the tone.
(Someone's phone alarm is vibrating on my ceiling, I might go mad.)
Accidently erased all of my camera memory earlier today: that's one way of letting go.
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| Be Happy, Feb 1/L Herlevi 2014 |
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