Quiet

The last couple of nights I've dreamt of snow and then was surprised that there wasn't any falling from the sky when I woke up.  Low 20's, before the wind-chill, bright blue skies.  People camped out for the Seahawks parade.  Contained chaos.  Very quiet elsewhere.

Still trying to pin down monologues, and need to set an appointment for photos.  About to go into our last exercise for the year in class.  I still have a make-up, since we didn't get to ours last night.  And we got our Spoon River Anthology characters.  I'll have to find her fire.  I'm feeling wishy-washy about her (Emily Sparks), but I did put her on every list I made when I tried to choose, so there must've been something I liked there.  I'm just at that point where I feel limited by having made a choice; I go through this with everything...it's one of my walls.  Looking longingly at all the choices that are currently closed off to me so I can commit fully to one, right now.  It's only ever superficial until you commit.  There's no depth when you constantly look over your shoulder at what you could've had.  (Grass is greener...etc.)

Also trying to meditate (again).  I'd like to do it at night, but I always just fall asleep.  It's such a pleasant state of being (floaty, half-waken, stress-free), that when I meditate in the morning, I have a hard time making myself leave that state and get out of the house on time.  I don't actually know what I'm doing, trying to make it up.

Need to have someone work on my back, shoulder blade is completely locked up.  Been that way for a couple of weeks, but waiting to pay down my deductible.  Not a pleasant state of being.

Cheers.