morning

Completely scattered this morning. Took 2+ hours from when I woke up 'til I got out of the house and to the doctor appointment. Everything I did was fairly random, and not in any organized manner.  Did manage to cook lunch, cook breakfast and wash the tub (why???-okay it was gross, and I sprayed it down with this Seventh Generation bathtub cleaner-citric acid, mostly-totally makes it easier to scrub off the soap scum, so I couldn't leave it that way).  I suppose when I woke up I thought I had more time, but cooking took longer than I expected, as it always does, and then I was forgetting that I actually needed to leave the house, so at 7:20 am, I hadn't scrubbed/rinsed out the tub or taken a shower, and I needed to do the first before the latter.  And then I still had to wash dishes.  Luckily was able to get homework done in class, and I understood it, so that's good.  Breathe. Center.

Hanko, Finland-and the stillness of mid-summer 2012/L Herlevi

 

Of course the throat is starting to have the inkling of feeling better, maybe all the herbs and teas and saline solution I've been bombarding it with are starting to work.  I hope so.  I would like to try to go to rehearsal (singing tonight) plus the voice lessons start this weekend.  I really don't want to harm my vocal chords.

over 2 weeks now

and counting.  No let up in the throat pain.  Now, my dentist says it might be a bacterial infection,  and it should clear up on it's own, only it hasn't.  I feel like I slowly being submerged into the throat pain: hurts to swallow, really hurts to cough, and after a fun coughing fit last night, I spat up blood. Thankfully, just the once.  Still, scary in the middle-of the night.  Glands slightly swollen behind my chin, but still, no fever or anything.  I'm going to see yet someone else tomorrow.  Oh, God, can't wait to see all the doctor bills.  Finally tried the Flo-nase yesterday, but it gave me a sinus headache, and made my eyes hurt, so I felt worse than I had.  Only thing that makes it better is ibuprofen, and to not cough:)

Monday

oh to be able to hold the fleeting thoughts and feelings that shoot thru my heart to call upon them again, and to remember what that was. It's wispy, the type of thing glimpsed out of the corner of the eye, and once I think to look again, it's already passed.

Friday

Oh, so off the sugar wagon, but haven't had alcohol in about a week, and didn't actually drink much of what I had a week ago as I had just left the emergency room (after lying around there for a few hours and taking prednisone and benedryl to calm a possible allergic reaction to who knows what) and I stopped somewhere to eat as it had been 22 hours since I'd eaten, and ordered a drink without thinking.  At any rate, decided that alcohol and the pill were a bad mix, so didn't really drink it.  People keep leaving sweets in the lobby. You'd think that would slow down after the holidays, but it hasn't. There have been a lot of birthdays this month.

My throat is supposedly not an infection, and it feels okay in the morning, but by the time I go home, it's killing me.  I lie around and try not to move. Supposed to use Afrin and Flo-nase, but haven't yet, I had to wait to get paid. Voice starts in a week.  Should do an elimination diet, I suppose, but lack the will-power right now.  I still want coconut pudding, I just need to make it.

falling down

Oh, how far I've fallen off the wagon.  I think I might try again for Lent, it's a longer period of time, but I seem to have had more will-power for it in the past.  It's more the sugar than the alcohol, people keep offering sweets and I keep accepting, plus my throat has been killing me for the past week (will go see someone today) and I've been drinking hot beverages (some sweet, most not) left and right to try to get some relief.  (Had a wonderful lavendar mocha last Saturday from place that makes it's own syrups...later that day I went to an apothecary and the man in front of me was buying herbs to make his own bitters.  The two remind me of each other, the bottles with varying colored liquid extractions or with herbs still in them.  I never know what I would do with them, but they excite me. They're cool.) I just ate a peppermint to counteract the coffee-breath.  I didn't bring any toothpaste with me today.  I'm somewhat afraid of how the doctor is going to see, the pain is pretty far down.  A strep diagnosis would be a relief, however, I don't think that's what it is, it's only in one spot.  I have a voice class (singing) starting up soon, and I don't want this to be a reason to not be able to take it.  I have been wanting to take this class for a couple of years, but lacked the courage and or the money when it's been offered before.  It terrifies me, but I want to be a better singer, and you have to take risks to get better at things. As has been said, "doing what you've always done, gets you what you've always gotten."  Peace, L

Friday

The thing about fruit is that I get bored half-way through eating it.

The crow sneakily buried it's stash in the grass outside my window.  Then it walked around innocently, as if to throw off the trail.  Fifteen feet later, it flew off.

It's the Friday afternoon before a long weekend.  I cheated on the sugar this morning and let someone buy me a hot chocolate, which I consumed.  I cheated on the alcohol again as well, Wednesday night.  My throat felt dry and sticky at the same time, I drank water, Emergen-C, Immune Defense tincture, more water, and sucked on an elderberry cough drop, all to no effect.  Then I tried a shot of this Estonian herbal liquor, which feels thick and burns, that didn't help either, even though I hoped it might. The best it offered was that the burning distracted from the dryness.  Otherwise, I don't feel sick, so I don't know what that was about. Still have it to an extent, perhaps it was from the novocaine at the dentist, from swallowing it.

Just a side note, that has absolutely nothing to do with anything, I live at about 326 ft, and work is somewhere between 12-20 ft. All this to say that during the day there might be flurries at my house, but almost never at work.  And today it's just a very wet, somewhat chilly and thick fog, which as of almost 2 pm has yet to burn off.  It might be raining by this time next week, again, it's either cold and foggy or warm and rainy.  On the days that the fog has burned off, the sunsets have been lovely.

cheat, cheat, cheat

And today is another day.  Consumed both sugar (a tall mocha and a pistachio-butter sandwich cookie) and alcohol (Sam Adams Choc Bock, from which I felt no alcohol, at a birthday party) on Saturday, and some sorta' hazelnut-chocolate spread with agave nectar in it yesterday...quite a bit of that actually.  None today, just the unsweetened chocolate, which has about 1/4 of it left. I was tempted by a cookie, but resisted.  Made my own broth yesterday so I could follow a recipe for Avgolemeno soup.  It was probably the way it should be, but I feel like it needs some more low notes, perhaps toasting the rice first.  I've actually never had it before, but it seemed like a good idea for flu season.  I also bought a bottle of pineapple-coconut water in the event of flu, but I drank it immediately...at least I still have the soda crackers.  My stomache is inexpicably killing me now, I didn't eat anything different than yesterday, and last night I was fine.  We have to finish watching a movie in Finnish class tomorrow and I have a physical theatre class I'm looking forward to on Saturday, so I am trying to stay well with my elderberry tincture/cough drops, green tea, chicken broth and lemon soup, lots of sleep and a container of thymol disinfectant wipes that I carry around work and wipe off door-knobs with...now if only the man sitting behind me on the bus hadn't sneezed directly on my head...sigh.

And the sun almost broke through the clouds, enough for the late afternoon light to make the brick glow across the way.  The clouds have thickened again, still no real flurries, only the slightest chance, but as you know, I'll take what I can get. I thought I saw a snow flake clump earlier, but it was probably wishful thinking, or an errant seagull feather.  It is the case often enough, that when there is enough  moisture, it's too warm, or when it's cold enough, it's too dry for snow.

January 7

Well, cooked with alcohol, but didn't drink any.  Made risotto, or an attempt at it: it didn't get "saucy, " though made for a pleasant pilaf.  Made rice pudding last night, a Puerto Rican version.  Also didn't turn out...tastes somehow "buttery."  Called for a teaspoon of salt, and in 5 cups of liquid, that still tastes salty. I've made this before, and it tastes wrong, not bad, just not the coconut flavor I was expecting.  It has sugar, but I didn't put in the full amount, still, it's a bit cheating.  I'm going to try to make a coconut pudding without sugar for my birthday, which is Wednesday. Will throw in a bit of maple syrup. At any rate, my consumption of junk food has gone way down.  Off to gnaw some more on the baking chocolate.

Another year

Another year and attempting to cut back and sugar, so am doing a dry January and no sugar for the month.  So far, so good on the not drinking, I'm not a big drinker anyway.  But sugar, that's a whole 'nother thing. It gets harder and harder to give things up as I get older, or more stubborn.  I keep forgetting, I ate licorice and a bit of dark chocolate.  I'm allowing myself a little honey or maple syrup daily (teaspoon or two.)  This morning I had plain yogurt with unsweetened coconut flakes and a bit of maple syrup.  It wasn't the coconut pudding I've been craving, but it was okay.  Also been gnawing on a bar of baking chocolate, not that bad, actually.  It's still has a certain creaminess to it, not overly bitter.