Day 2

Right now, I feel good.  Right now, I feel like this is the lowest anxiety I've ever had for any class much less a theatre class.  Partially that's due to the size of the class (close to 50); partially that's due to the idea of "perfect," "mastery," and "final goal," being off of the table, that the class has people of every level within it, and everyone learns from everyone else; and partly that might be due to previous work that I've done (Meisner, Clown, last Suzuki drop-in I did.)  I don't feel quite so scattered and desperately trying to remember everything (though I know I'm not remembering everything, I'm more relaxed about that, I guess I don't feel like I'll be shamed for not knowing everything and being perfect.  Last night he said something about when you think you have nothing left to learn, your artistic life is dead.  And I don't need to prove anything to anyone else, I'm doing this to be better than I was.)

This morning, I noticed I was walking more solidly.  Tonight, while sitting on the bus, I felt centered (last hour +, my group was doing ki work.)

In some ways, I suppose this work is closer to clown than most western theatre in that the mask is gone, in clown you are sharing what you are feeling/experiencing with the audience (and breaking the fourth wall), and in this work it's not about the performer/individual but rather what their intention and focus causes you as an audience member to see.  (You are noticing my attention on something else, the thing I'm focusing on is what's important, not me, I'm just letting you know about it.)  I think.  That's what I got tonight.  (Oh, and the idea of focusing my energy on one thing at a time.)

I'm oddly without any physical pain tonight, but we used our quads a lot, so...might be feeling that in a couple of days.  Also, really hungry, but I took most of my food to work and left it there (because it was hot out.)  Energy bars just not cutting it.