Off

Feeling exhausted.  Took the week off, made it out to Bainbridge Island for a change of scenery on Monday, and then pretty much did nothing yesterday (except class, and made a marginal risotto.)

In class we seem to be spending a lot of time on the forms/exercises (?) that give me anxiety, I guess it's good.  It's forcing me to work through it, and I need to.  It's partner work, and if I want to be an actor, it's kinda' a given.  I like how, with everything we do, they talk about how that relates to acting (focus, intention, presence, how you use your body (yesterday, there was a discussion of hand gestures, i.e., how do we use our hands on stage, when we are not actually searching for the right word, as we do in life), etc.)  I feel like a lot of times in past acting classes, when we've done warm-up exercises, we never really related it back to being on stage.  Obviously, it's related, but sometimes it feels assumed that we already knew, so it was never said.  And admittedly, I wasn't thinking about a larger picture.  I am finding that my eyes are not wandering as much, and I'm less self-conscious (most of the time) when we do statues, so that's an improvement.  Still, there's a lot to remember, and I don't always...but increments.

I've felt, when working on scenes, that things moved too fast to grab onto anything.  (I've mentioned this before.)  One of the nice thing about all the slow-tempo work we've been doing is that I'm connecting with the "circumstances' (or the moment) better.  And maybe that's the equivalent of doing a slow read, where you say one word at a time.  I'm finding it makes it easier for me to find the emotions, for them to grow organically.  Some playwrights put in a lot of stage direction regarding emotional states, and for me, not being that experienced of an actor, it feels very restrictive.  Like it takes me out of the moment to moment unfolding with the other actors/characters on stage because I'm worried about how I'm gonna make myself cry or scream where the script gives that direction, when I'm not finding that we are building to a point where that would naturally occur (so it feels forced.)  Something I'm working on.  Imaginary circumstances help, and that's getting easier to drop into.  (Plenty of playwrights don't dictate emotional states, they let you find it.  I've just worked on a lot that do, and I find myself focusing too much on that one moment at the expense of the whole picture.  A lot of people are really good at crying and screaming on cue, I'm not one of them.  I'm in awe of that ability.)

Tonight we'll be half-way through.  60 hours seemed like a lot of time to fill, and now it seems like hardly enough.