Saturday-Free

as is often the case, I ended up randomly gardening.  Turned some soil, pulled weeds and the endless growth of the leek-garlic-who-knows-what hybrid; transplanted some self-seeding kale-things (I don't know what they are) and so am glad that it started to rain so they can get watered in. Water hasn't been turned on yet for the season.  Detoured home by way of Greenlake so I could look at the ducks.  Lots of coots, beaks and feet bleached out, a lone one running from the water to the flock across the sand and reminding me with it's lurching gate over it's massive webbed-feet of a man staggering across the desert in search of an oasis. Mallards were sleeping in the weeds, and two mergansers bathed in the company of a bufflehead couple.  There were crew races across the lake and the cormorants had collected themselves on an unused swimming dock away from the action, but alert and watching.

Friday

Well, that's all over, for better or worse.  The one thing I didn't study ended up being a large chunk of the test, and that would be how to form plurals.  I think I added extra vowels in a few cases, and I think I made it too complicated.  Still, I finished everything but "aurinkoista torilla?" "In the sun, on the square?" I know we went over it, which makes it worse that I can't remember it.

And since taking the biomechanics class, the way I move through space is fundamentally different from before.  I think my center of gravity has lowered and I definitely have complete contact between my feet and the ground, and that's new. Now, to spend time on character development in relation to everything I've learned.  It's strange to be suddenly free, I can actually read without feeling guilty that I should be studying or rehearsing.

Now, that I am no longer wearing a hat, I really should get a haircut or a better conditioner.  Put film in camera.

Hyvää viikonloppua!

Almost warm

I think it's finally time to retire the knit cap for the season. Yesterday on the bus I noticed I was the only rider over-dressed with two jackets, and woolen scarf and my knit cap.  Today, most everyone was bare-headed, including me.  The earth is blooming in earnest around me, and the air is hovering around 50 F. It could still conceivably snow now, but I don't think it will freeze. 

Song of the week, since I've paid all of my bills, and have a couple of dollars left to my name-Simply Red from the 80's.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04zwhjRiCbo

Last weekend of classes

Really gonna miss going. I think the combination of these two classes with these two instructors (and fellow students) opened up a lot of possibility for me, answered questions I didn't know I needed to even ask as well as the asking of more questions. This world feels way more open to me now, and for that I am grateful.

And then there was my brain on the oral exam..."what! wait, can I say that in Spanish?What?" It became an over eager spaniel watching a darting squirrel. I barely even looked at my instructor, I think my eyes were permanently rolled up toward the ceiling racking my brain to fish out those swimming, intermingling words that related to Finnish, and then pulling them apart from the Spanish ones. I CAN come up with the language, it just takes me a long time.

And I get a partial lunch today, do I go for a walk or do I go eat?

Here's one of two songs for the day: Jackson 5 (listened to a lot of Jackson 5 records when I was little)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PxPbu-AF6Ko

Here's the other: Aztec Camera-no particular reason for either, I like both. (This came out a while back, but I heard it for the first time this year.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RCMX8k-jHsM

Hyvää viikonloppua!

ah rain!

Falling in earnest...I bring my rain coat on the days when it doesn't rain, and didn't wear it today. It's bulky. Perhaps it won't be raining when I leave.

Throat tests were negative for cancer or other infection, but there is throat damage. Have been changing my diet and cutting back to 1 or 2 cups of coffee/day, eating earlier at night, etc. I think I'm singing now in a more healthy manner since starting these voice lessons.  I sang the whole concert on Sunday, it was split into 2 sets of 5 songs each, and there was an hour break in between, and I didn't feel like I needed painkillers afterward, so that's improvement. I sang in class afterwards and my voice "broke" but not much, I went with it.

Did not get a good photo of trees last night, will make further attempts.

Ooh...guess I shoulda' brought the jacket afterall.  Very. Wet. Out.

Back to cloudy

At least it's warmer.  The flowers are beginning to pop on the trees at the edge of the Quad.  Will see if my battery is still charged in the camera and take some pictures after work. (It's now still light out for an hour after work!)

The scan was quick but I freaked out about the iodine injection (or possibly just having the IV in my arm) and felt heavy in the chest and head after, so had to stay for a while to see if I got better, which obviously, I have.  Mostly my blood pressure shot up. I won't know anything for a week. On the bus on the way to the office yesterday, I had an episode of "bus-dozing" and began to imagine a blue light shining in my throat and inside my body.  I imagine it healing everything.  I don't know if it helps, but it does calm me down and so I'll probably continue to do it when I can. Incidentally, the technician did an excellent job with the IV, no bruising whatsoever.

The speaking test for Finnish is this week (how did the quarter go so quickly?) And then a quiz early next week and the final on Friday. Whew. Just when I thought I was getting the hang of everything, we learned how to figure out how to find the word stem and how to form the stem into other forms, which is helpful for communication, but a lot to digest in a week.

Cheerio.

Not ready

Oh, crud, the CT scan is today. I'd been thinking it was next week. Not really ready to know anything, feeling off-center with as much as has been going on.

It's been gorgeous out both yesterday and today. The sky was clear and the stars were out in force when I walked home last night, and the ground was frozen when I got up.  Just when you think winter is over...it's been a pretty non-eventful winter in this corner of the country (not to tempt fate.) The cherry and plum trees are either already blooming or preparing themselves for their moment. The transition from a hard lifeless twig to the softness of leaves and flowers always intrigues me.

Sunday

Need to get up and start the day. Busy, I won't get home again until after 10 pm. Motivated to shoot photos again lately in a way that I haven't been in a long time. I took a break a while back because I was using it as a crutch and I thought I needed an excuse to "be in the room" and I wanted to let myself participate in life instead of always documenting (mostly other people's lives.) I was actually hoping to find a balance, since I still want to be a storyteller in some way, but I needed to experience first hand and to live my life as well, plus I wasn't progressing with it like I'd hoped I would (the photography) and it started to make me feel desperate as everyone around me grew in bounds and started making money (and taking much better pictures), and I felt left behind.  I'm in a different place now, though I'd still like to sell something, one because it would be kinda' nice to have some validation and two because it's expensive and it would allow me the funds to do more.  I still shoot film and print in a lab, I have a point and shoot digital, but it can't do what the film camera can, and the digitals that can do what I want are still outta' my price range. Yes, I need to get ready for the concert now.

So, I was close on time, 10:05 or so.  A family friend brought my mom to my concert today, she hasn't seen me sing anything since the early 80's.  It was a really nice surprise.  It's a long drive, and I think the friend decided to come at the last minute and asked my mom if she wanted to come too.  And then class went better this week. I didn't cry to the point where I couldn't sing like I did last week.  I didn't tear up during my song, though I did for other people's. I think I was supposed to change "him" to "you" but I forgot, because I was also singing to "Jesus" whom I now had physical contact with, as opposed to him being somewhere else in the space, and that was a lot to think about. (I hadn't been singing to him before, but about him. And as there are no stage directions, it makes sense to sing to him, even if he is asleep.  It is an impossible relationship, given the circumstances. And seriously, I don't know how to let him love me. What would that look like? Feel like? Where could that be? Not where we are.)

And it was fortunate that I kept having to be a gremlin to other singers' circumstances, as my quads are totally seizing up, and if I sit for too long, I can barely get up and walk.  Tomorrow morning will be interesting. Peace.

Saturday

One more week of acting classes for the quarter, Finnish class only has two more weeks as well.  Need to re-file my paperwork for tuition soon. We spend so much time standing with bent legs that my quads are always shaking after the biomechanics class. I enjoy the class, I'm going to miss going.

Tomorrow is the Kalevala celebration and voice class.  Tonight there is a Fado concert at Meany Hall.  I bought the tickets last spring, wouldn't have remembered it was tonight except I saw an ad for it. Been super spacy last couple of days. Think I might be taking on too much.

The concert was fabulous.  And perhaps the song (voice class) would better be entitled as I don't know how to let him love me. That would be a mystery as well.
Here's a youtube clip of Ana Moura singing Desfado http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V42ix2CtZ8Y
-Ciao
L

Swirling birds

Walking between class and work, head full of my own thoughts, my eyes suddenly drawn to the grey skies by the swirling and calling of birds. It's the gulls crying, but there is a flock of Great Blue Herons circling.  I counted, but then immediately forgot, still full of my own thoughts, I want to say it was around ten. I'm not sure that I've seen so many herons circling around together.  They do nest here, but slightly further south. Perhaps something disturbed the nests, and the gulls decided to add to the chaos of it all.

Ended up at the ACT Theatre last night and saw These Streets a rock 'n roll story.  Initially, I'd been planning on attending a lecture on the UW campus, but knew a friend had a gig related to this play up on the Hill from 6-7pm, so on a whim decided to go check it out  It was at The Project Room, whose new theme is "How will we be remembered," or something to that effect, and as a side note, I think about that a lot, have I done anything with my life that makes a difference to anyone or anything?  Made me think of an art project...anyway, after the gig, I was talking to my friend and she asked if I was going to the play and mentioned it was a "pay what you can" night, so I decided to go.  The walls of the Project Room had been covered with show posters from the 90's and a timeline of music/scene-related events had been penciled onto another wall. It was a strange feeling.  This was my "youth" era, so to speak, it's hard to believe it's been almost 20 years since I was going to all those shows and even if I wasn't part of a band, everyone here knew someone in a band, and that was my life then.  You can change so gradually that when you look back you realize you've forgotten part of who you once were.

The play itself is about women in the Seattle music scene during the early 90's, it mostly covered 1990-94, and then flashed forward to today. Four women then and now, two men then, one now and a band on stage singing songs from women musicians of the era.  I recognized these women, composits from oral histories of musicians.  And I was especially happy when one of the characters addressed the whole Riot Grrl scene and pointed out that it started out as a political thing in Olympia. I enjoyed the show, the singing was excellent, especially liked Sarah Rudinoff, who along with Gretta Harley produced the show (and they also wrote it, with Elizabeth Kenny-who also was in the show.)-As I was writing this, KEXP played Nirvana's Sliver, which reminds me of college.

A quote from the Director, Amy Poisson, " I invite you to let yourselves be transported back in time to your youth, to your pain and joy, to success and failure, and to your future.  It's all still there waiting for you to pick up where you left off." I was.