Mind still relatively blank. Start voice class in two weeks, maybe something will stir. (Need to start doing monologues as a daily practice.) Having a lot of strange dreams which I remember, and wake up happy from, even though they aren't necessarily so. In one, I was travelling with a large group of people in Spain, and had run back to a room to check to make sure everything was out, and was consequently left behind in the process. I had no money, no documents, nothing...all my stuff was in the vehicles that left. Woke up before I figured anything out With all the performances I've seen and conversations I've had lately, these things are not surprising. A lack of identity? A chance to start over? Again, I was happy when I woke up, not anxious.
In another, a guy friend decided to come out of the closet, and then we both started stripping off all of our clothes, while standing on the sidewalk, outside a window (probably a coffee shop or restaurant...there was an audience.) I think initially for me, it was my solidarity with him that caused me to take off my own clothes, but also, I'd had a conversation with someone (in actual life) where I'd mentioned being emotionally stripped bare in Meisner, so maybe this was a metaphor of that. Don't think either of us got to a point of being fully undressed, there kept being more and more layers of clothing. (It was like in "Almost, Maine" nothing particularly provocative about it.) The only thing that stood out was a bright yellow jacket or shirt I had on. Is every layer a different part of our identity? You think it's just the one secret you want to let out, but then go to find more and more that you are keeping hidden. The telling of one, unravels another.
Hmmm.
Living through the dull part that adds to life.
Tuesday, September 30, 2014
Sunday, September 28, 2014
Rambling again
Feeling very oily, just had my back worked on, feels ever-so-slightly better. (Should've gone ages ago, but was waiting for a doctor appointment so I could get a prescription for massage, though in retrospect, I could have called and asked for it. I suspect I need more than massage for this, but it's a start.)
Went on an art tour as part of "Mad Campus" at the UW. Along with the tours today, many of the artists were also there. (And I won tickets to an upcoming show as part of ArtsUW, which was a partner in this event.) The show itself is up until October 23, and I'd seen most of it, but I wanted to hear what other people had to say, and any input the artists had as to why this work, why this space? And it was enlightening. I always enjoy hearing about concept, or what influenced it, or how you got from A to B or Q or something. Had a good conversation about finding balance, as well as the intersection of where art, artist, and audience meet, and how you bring the audience into an interaction with the work, and still leave space for them to discover and stay interested. Always like to talk about that. More info on Mad Art here: http://madartseattle.com/.
On Friday I took the day off to get some volunteer hours at the P-Patch office. Usually that would involve stuffing envelopes, but ended up doing some mapping work, looking up the nearest intersections to every garden. Really enjoyed it, made me want to go out and physically check all of them, since some of them didn't show up on the aerial views. This is the kind of stuff I like doing, the person I did it for, does not, so it was a good fit. I wandered around the rest of the afternoon taking pictures (cats that can fly, I guess):
I also went to go see eSe Teatro's "Don Quixote and Sancho Panza: Homeless in Seattle," by Rose Cano, directed by David Quicksall, at ACT. She wrote this adaptation after working as a medical interpreter at Harborview Medical Center, as well as having had many conversations at shelters and other service centers that work with: homeless, addicted, immigrant, uneducated, mentally ill, etc., populations. It follows Cervantes' story arc for the most part, just changes the location to Seattle, and the characters to people living here. It closes tonight.
I haven't written because I haven't figured out how to say what I want to say. I think fear keeps us from seeing one another as equal. (As someone on Sunday said, we puff up celebrities and politicians with hot air and self-importance, and then do everything we can to knock them back down.) We could trade places, and we hope and work so that we don't with those we view as below us. Does having money, or "beauty", or youth, or sanity, or health, or an education, or a stable government make anyone more worthy than those who lack those things? So much of that was luck of the draw, genetics, fate. In our fears, we create a "them" to demonize, to fight against, to dehumanize, so that we can separate ourselves from them, and say "that will never be me." War, or natural disaster, or illness, or loss can change our lives in an instant...if that were to happen, who are you? When the outer trappings are gone, who are you? And how is that worth more or less than anyone else at their core? Did we all have dreams of what we wanted to be? How many of us got there? What got in the way if we didn't? How much resilience do you have? Some people have a lot, some very little. (I know there are people who "cheat" the system, but they exist up and down the income spectrum, not just among the poor; I'm not talking about them. I'm talking about everyone else.) What's the story behind the face we wish we didn't see? There must be something. We are more alike than we aren't.
Went on an art tour as part of "Mad Campus" at the UW. Along with the tours today, many of the artists were also there. (And I won tickets to an upcoming show as part of ArtsUW, which was a partner in this event.) The show itself is up until October 23, and I'd seen most of it, but I wanted to hear what other people had to say, and any input the artists had as to why this work, why this space? And it was enlightening. I always enjoy hearing about concept, or what influenced it, or how you got from A to B or Q or something. Had a good conversation about finding balance, as well as the intersection of where art, artist, and audience meet, and how you bring the audience into an interaction with the work, and still leave space for them to discover and stay interested. Always like to talk about that. More info on Mad Art here: http://madartseattle.com/.
On Friday I took the day off to get some volunteer hours at the P-Patch office. Usually that would involve stuffing envelopes, but ended up doing some mapping work, looking up the nearest intersections to every garden. Really enjoyed it, made me want to go out and physically check all of them, since some of them didn't show up on the aerial views. This is the kind of stuff I like doing, the person I did it for, does not, so it was a good fit. I wandered around the rest of the afternoon taking pictures (cats that can fly, I guess):
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| Jet-packed, Sept 26/L Herlevi 2014 |
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| Flying Lion, Sept 26/L Herlevi 2014 |
I haven't written because I haven't figured out how to say what I want to say. I think fear keeps us from seeing one another as equal. (As someone on Sunday said, we puff up celebrities and politicians with hot air and self-importance, and then do everything we can to knock them back down.) We could trade places, and we hope and work so that we don't with those we view as below us. Does having money, or "beauty", or youth, or sanity, or health, or an education, or a stable government make anyone more worthy than those who lack those things? So much of that was luck of the draw, genetics, fate. In our fears, we create a "them" to demonize, to fight against, to dehumanize, so that we can separate ourselves from them, and say "that will never be me." War, or natural disaster, or illness, or loss can change our lives in an instant...if that were to happen, who are you? When the outer trappings are gone, who are you? And how is that worth more or less than anyone else at their core? Did we all have dreams of what we wanted to be? How many of us got there? What got in the way if we didn't? How much resilience do you have? Some people have a lot, some very little. (I know there are people who "cheat" the system, but they exist up and down the income spectrum, not just among the poor; I'm not talking about them. I'm talking about everyone else.) What's the story behind the face we wish we didn't see? There must be something. We are more alike than we aren't.
Thursday, September 25, 2014
Number two for the week
Edith Wharton is so freaking depressing, but the show was good anyway, great adaptation, casting/performances (especially Annette Toutonghi's vocal and physical transformation as Evelina Bunner from Act 1 to Act 2), etc. There is a reason I tend to avoid reading her, takes me a while to shake it off, the unfulfillment and lingering sacrifice for nothing, though I will admit that the second act brings a certain satisfaction of throwing off that need to always be a martyr, in Ann Eliza Bunner's eyes being opened to the truth that it was no better to have been a martyr than to have taken what she wanted. No good came out of the former. There was no purpose for it.
The show was "The Bunner Sisters" at the Theatre Off Jackson, directed and adapted by Julie Beckman. Ran into a friend and he drove me home, so what would take an hour was instead less than ten minutes in a car. Grateful.
The show was "The Bunner Sisters" at the Theatre Off Jackson, directed and adapted by Julie Beckman. Ran into a friend and he drove me home, so what would take an hour was instead less than ten minutes in a car. Grateful.
Thursday
Woke up a little off-balance. It's either my inner ear, or from carrying a bag on the one side, with too much weight in it. Concerned about getting vertigo again, so I'm home. I should go have someone work on my back.
Went to go see "The Invisible Hand," by Ayad Akhtar at ACT last night. I've also been reading "Fast Food Nation," by Eric Schlosser. On the surface, they might not seem like they have much to do with each other, but as I think of one it triggers thoughts about the other. Both dealing with how both money and power corrupt. The "Invisible Hand" is about an American banker who is kidnapped in Pakistan and held for a $10 million ransom. Early on, he says they got the wrong man, that who they really wanted was his boss, but is also so proud of his ability to make money trading and manipulating the markets that he brags about how it was really himself that did all the work, that his boss was an idiot. As the story goes on, he says that if they can set up for him the ability to trade (futures) he will make the ransom money. They allow this, and in the process he teaches his captor everything he knows. He also talks a lot about manipulating currency, and how it's not a good bet because you can't determine when the next crisis will occur. His captor plays dumb, but hears everything.
By the end, the captor has moved the accounts on an excuse of not being tracked, and we find out that he caused a crisis (setting off a bomb in the meeting of the central bank) in order to devalue the rupee and in the process made himself $25 million. He has also caused riots/killings in the streets, and hopes that this will cause the overthrow of the government. The streets outside are "running in blood." The American seems stunned by all this, so proud of his ability to manipulate financial markets, he never considered the outcome of those actions on societies, on governments, on actual people. He is a man without morals. I kinda' expected the captor to kill him at that point, since he no longer needs him, but he sets him free and drops money (in dollars) in front of him. Comments that he was hooked on money when they made the first $700,000 in ten minutes. And in the end, I was left wondering, if they knew exactly who it was they had kidnapped, or if they just got lucky.
Schlosser's book deals with the growth of the fast-food industry, mostly in America. Yes, there are the health effects, but even more so, manipulation, deregulation, how those who have the most to gain, essentially rig the system in their favor, working for defunding the agencies that would regulate their safety (OSHA, and Worker's Comp, in the case of the slaughterhouses), and using government programs that were designed to help small businesses, to make themselves richer. Everything, in service to making more money, for those with the power, not much for anyone else. Money is no longer a symbol of trade; profit is the only thing that matters. Money is king.
The idea of the "Invisible Hand" is that markets will regulate themselves, because everyone working for their own self-interest will somehow keep it stable, and create an unforeseen common good. It's based on an Adam Smith quote, and Nick (the American) explains that to his captor (Bashir). When they did their initial futures manipulation, all trading stopped after 10 minutes, because the irregularity was noticed, but Bashir is later able to manipulate the system to overthrow a government and make himself rich. Maybe in theory that idea works, but how true does it remain when at best you have an uneven playing field, and at worst you have very few players making all the decisions, and tipping the table evermore in their own favor? At some point, everyone else is losing.
Gonna test this dizziness out by walking to the store, really want sugar, and currently out of fruit. Don't know how long I'll stay with this, losing too much weight. Need to eat a lot more when you cut out all those calorie-dense foods (sugar, wheat, dairy.) And the main differences I'm noticing are energy levels and sleep, not sure if there are any intolerances there.
Went to go see "The Invisible Hand," by Ayad Akhtar at ACT last night. I've also been reading "Fast Food Nation," by Eric Schlosser. On the surface, they might not seem like they have much to do with each other, but as I think of one it triggers thoughts about the other. Both dealing with how both money and power corrupt. The "Invisible Hand" is about an American banker who is kidnapped in Pakistan and held for a $10 million ransom. Early on, he says they got the wrong man, that who they really wanted was his boss, but is also so proud of his ability to make money trading and manipulating the markets that he brags about how it was really himself that did all the work, that his boss was an idiot. As the story goes on, he says that if they can set up for him the ability to trade (futures) he will make the ransom money. They allow this, and in the process he teaches his captor everything he knows. He also talks a lot about manipulating currency, and how it's not a good bet because you can't determine when the next crisis will occur. His captor plays dumb, but hears everything.
By the end, the captor has moved the accounts on an excuse of not being tracked, and we find out that he caused a crisis (setting off a bomb in the meeting of the central bank) in order to devalue the rupee and in the process made himself $25 million. He has also caused riots/killings in the streets, and hopes that this will cause the overthrow of the government. The streets outside are "running in blood." The American seems stunned by all this, so proud of his ability to manipulate financial markets, he never considered the outcome of those actions on societies, on governments, on actual people. He is a man without morals. I kinda' expected the captor to kill him at that point, since he no longer needs him, but he sets him free and drops money (in dollars) in front of him. Comments that he was hooked on money when they made the first $700,000 in ten minutes. And in the end, I was left wondering, if they knew exactly who it was they had kidnapped, or if they just got lucky.
Schlosser's book deals with the growth of the fast-food industry, mostly in America. Yes, there are the health effects, but even more so, manipulation, deregulation, how those who have the most to gain, essentially rig the system in their favor, working for defunding the agencies that would regulate their safety (OSHA, and Worker's Comp, in the case of the slaughterhouses), and using government programs that were designed to help small businesses, to make themselves richer. Everything, in service to making more money, for those with the power, not much for anyone else. Money is no longer a symbol of trade; profit is the only thing that matters. Money is king.
The idea of the "Invisible Hand" is that markets will regulate themselves, because everyone working for their own self-interest will somehow keep it stable, and create an unforeseen common good. It's based on an Adam Smith quote, and Nick (the American) explains that to his captor (Bashir). When they did their initial futures manipulation, all trading stopped after 10 minutes, because the irregularity was noticed, but Bashir is later able to manipulate the system to overthrow a government and make himself rich. Maybe in theory that idea works, but how true does it remain when at best you have an uneven playing field, and at worst you have very few players making all the decisions, and tipping the table evermore in their own favor? At some point, everyone else is losing.
Gonna test this dizziness out by walking to the store, really want sugar, and currently out of fruit. Don't know how long I'll stay with this, losing too much weight. Need to eat a lot more when you cut out all those calorie-dense foods (sugar, wheat, dairy.) And the main differences I'm noticing are energy levels and sleep, not sure if there are any intolerances there.
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
Now it is raining
I feel like a gate just opened. All these things that had been said or thought, conversations I've had, things that have been in a holding pattern, that I didn't expect to actually go anywhere, are coming to fruition, for better or worse. It's both cool, and overwhelming; I'm happy and scared at the same time. I'm trying to let it be and not push back (which is my tendency.) I need to clear my head. I don't know how many of these to follow, or which ones. But things feel like they want to change...I hope I have the courage to let them.
Some of those need to start being about performing, for me. I need to make more of an effort and follow-up on things.
Some of those need to start being about performing, for me. I need to make more of an effort and follow-up on things.
Monday, September 22, 2014
Dramatic skies usher in the Equinox
And I have insomnia; bad, wide awake, the last two nights. Diet probably has to do with it, have consumed everything I gave up (minus coffee and soy) over the past couple of days. Suspect it's sugar, at any rate, back to quinoa and almonds. At least I got some writing done. Got all the racing and circular thoughts out on paper, the insecurities that plague my mind when all else is quiet.
Random things today. A teacher of Greek said he thought I had a good ear, and asked if I was musical. Said he thought I'd be good with languages, I said I wasn't really, though I can pronounce things, I guess. Comprehension is another story. He said I should check out the online Greek course. I've been reading a book about Greece, which discusses the language quite a bit, so it's a bit of synchronicity.
The other random thing was someone else said I should try online dating (we weren't really talking about that, kinda' came out of left field. Though I suppose she was wondering why I wasn't married, a legitimate question, and I guess the standard answer would be that it hasn't been my top priority. Back to the idea of where you put your energy.) I told her that the last time I looked at online profiles (over a year ago - I didn't want to get involved with anyone while I was doing Meisner, too much divided energy, the exercises stripped me raw, and I can't imagine that I had much left over to give to anyone new, hardly had time for the people I knew. For me, it would've been too much, I wanted my energy for myself and the ensemble), the only two people, out of maybe 50, I found interesting turned out to be people I already knew, one I had known was on there, the other I figured out. Funny, but true. Partially it was the site, the guys were either too young, or openly looking to cheat on their partners, not something I'm looking to get involved with. And partially, I guess it's that the people I know are already the type of people I'm drawn to.
Attempting to be less passive and actually ask people to do things. I am horrible about this. Even people I'm pretty good friends with. I have fallen out of contact with far too many people because I never called because I could never think of a "legitimate" reason to call. In retrospect, "Hi" would have sufficed. They just think I don't care, which isn't true. I do care, I'm just kinda' lame, expecting someone else to pick up the slack. (I got called out on that, too. I deserved it.) And I know that's not fair. We might share some level of insecurity, and we might both be introverts, but one of us needs to make an effort, it's not fair for me to expect it always to be the other person. I don't know how long I'll be able to do this (I've mentioned before how bad I am about calling people, fair amount of anxiety) but I am trying. Life's better with people you like in it.
We got the night off, since we sang on Saturday, so no rehearsal. Next week we start work on all the Sibelius music. It's the 150th anniversary of his birth, so it's the main focus this year. Debating whether to go to a pay-what-you-can night or to do laundry. Laundry is looking to be the likely winner. (I have three other shows to go to this week.)
And the washer is otherwise occupied. Guess I'll have to wait. So, yes, killing time on YouTube. John Oliver clips and this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_FhVbyeWFvo Neko Case, "This Tornado Loves You."
Random things today. A teacher of Greek said he thought I had a good ear, and asked if I was musical. Said he thought I'd be good with languages, I said I wasn't really, though I can pronounce things, I guess. Comprehension is another story. He said I should check out the online Greek course. I've been reading a book about Greece, which discusses the language quite a bit, so it's a bit of synchronicity.
The other random thing was someone else said I should try online dating (we weren't really talking about that, kinda' came out of left field. Though I suppose she was wondering why I wasn't married, a legitimate question, and I guess the standard answer would be that it hasn't been my top priority. Back to the idea of where you put your energy.) I told her that the last time I looked at online profiles (over a year ago - I didn't want to get involved with anyone while I was doing Meisner, too much divided energy, the exercises stripped me raw, and I can't imagine that I had much left over to give to anyone new, hardly had time for the people I knew. For me, it would've been too much, I wanted my energy for myself and the ensemble), the only two people, out of maybe 50, I found interesting turned out to be people I already knew, one I had known was on there, the other I figured out. Funny, but true. Partially it was the site, the guys were either too young, or openly looking to cheat on their partners, not something I'm looking to get involved with. And partially, I guess it's that the people I know are already the type of people I'm drawn to.
Attempting to be less passive and actually ask people to do things. I am horrible about this. Even people I'm pretty good friends with. I have fallen out of contact with far too many people because I never called because I could never think of a "legitimate" reason to call. In retrospect, "Hi" would have sufficed. They just think I don't care, which isn't true. I do care, I'm just kinda' lame, expecting someone else to pick up the slack. (I got called out on that, too. I deserved it.) And I know that's not fair. We might share some level of insecurity, and we might both be introverts, but one of us needs to make an effort, it's not fair for me to expect it always to be the other person. I don't know how long I'll be able to do this (I've mentioned before how bad I am about calling people, fair amount of anxiety) but I am trying. Life's better with people you like in it.
We got the night off, since we sang on Saturday, so no rehearsal. Next week we start work on all the Sibelius music. It's the 150th anniversary of his birth, so it's the main focus this year. Debating whether to go to a pay-what-you-can night or to do laundry. Laundry is looking to be the likely winner. (I have three other shows to go to this week.)
And the washer is otherwise occupied. Guess I'll have to wait. So, yes, killing time on YouTube. John Oliver clips and this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_FhVbyeWFvo Neko Case, "This Tornado Loves You."
Saturday, September 20, 2014
Saturday night
Woke up happy. Have spent the last few days in the company of people I like who I think like me. Ending my evening in a roomful of people helping lead a sing-a-long of old Finnish and English songs. Everyone laughing. In all these places feeling like I belong there. Feeling like I'm finally home. Feeling blessed.
Thursday, September 18, 2014
What you don't know
should not be how you base your life...or not mine anyway.
Had been to Freehold a lot lately, six times in the past month as an audience member. Felt like I was visiting a school I used to go to, like elementary school, some place you can't return to, not in the same manner. It was strange. I didn't feel like it was mine anymore, if you can understand that. This place where I had put so much of myself, that room. I don't know why I've been feeling that way, but I have.
Anyway, went to the open house tonight, no reason I should go, I'm already registered for classes, but I did. I still like being there. So, they have short sessions with instructors. I sat in on "Acting for the Camera" and "Stage Combat." John Jacobsen (Camera) just gave a lot of solid advice, the same thing I've heard elsewhere (after the Drunken Boot day), that if you really want something, you'd find a way to make it happen. And if you're not, why not? What's getting in your way? How do you get out of your own way. And later I mentioned that to someone else in regards to not doing ETI this year, that if I wanted that, why didn't I make it happen? (He never did it either.) He said maybe it's not the right time for me. That the other part of my reality mattered, too. At one point I was 90% going to do it, and then I didn't. And it's true that a lot of other former Meisner students that didn't do ETI are working. It's not the end of the road, just a different one.
And someone last night said, "Why don't you say something? Why don't you ask? Will you have regrets when you're 85 if you never know?" I don't really think there's anything there, but then again, what do I know? Maybe he doesn't either. I don't know.
These things are seemingly unrelated, but at the core of it all, it's about how you lived/live your life...how much courage you had to find out what you don't know. And then move forward, rather than stay stuck in always wondering, passively hoping "Fate" will intervene, living in your head rather than choosing to act on your own behalf, and actually live your life.
The other thing tonight was the stage combat session (with Geoffrey Alm), totally hands on, there were only seven of us. I've been wanting to do it, (off and on since college, really) but was recently worried about the hand injury (it was one of the concerns I had with ETI actually, but of course, I never bothered to talk to the instructor about it, I just made assumptions. Ugh.) Anyway, he handed me a left-handed rapier. Dagger in the right hand. It worked. Not uncoordinated with the left hand. Had enough control. It was really fun. And I can do it. (I had had a bad experience with an instructor, who'd seemed put out with me, that I was a hassle because I needed to modify stuff. Didn't seem willing to work with me. I can't bear weight on my wrist...that's the reality I'm working with.) Upshot of all that is that I will do it in the future. I'd do it now, but I'm already committed elsewhere. It's something you need as an actor. Even if I only get to the unarmed class that would be useful. He didn't make me feel like it would be an issue to modify.
Also, I mentioned I was bored and someone asked if I wanted to assist with their class. I should find out what that would mean. Maybe. And I mentioned to someone else I ran into, that I want to get some people together to read Chekhov and Ibsen, etc., out loud...I think I'd get more meaning out of it, and it's good to hear the words. (Which is also the difference between reading something on a page, and seeing it on stage: the actor brings him/herself into the role, hopefully makes it more alive, more real. That's what happened with Quinn's version of Louis for me in "Angels." And why I disagree with Mamet in his essay where he says the best way to experience a play is to read it to yourself.) Reading it aloud would make it easier to keep the characters straight. (It's taking me a long time to read the current one I'm on, because I mostly read it on the bus, and I have to keep asking myself, "Wait, what's the relationship?" Guess I could make a map.) We did it last spring, with Ibsen, it was helpful.
Tonight was interesting on many levels.
Things change so quickly.
Had been to Freehold a lot lately, six times in the past month as an audience member. Felt like I was visiting a school I used to go to, like elementary school, some place you can't return to, not in the same manner. It was strange. I didn't feel like it was mine anymore, if you can understand that. This place where I had put so much of myself, that room. I don't know why I've been feeling that way, but I have.
Anyway, went to the open house tonight, no reason I should go, I'm already registered for classes, but I did. I still like being there. So, they have short sessions with instructors. I sat in on "Acting for the Camera" and "Stage Combat." John Jacobsen (Camera) just gave a lot of solid advice, the same thing I've heard elsewhere (after the Drunken Boot day), that if you really want something, you'd find a way to make it happen. And if you're not, why not? What's getting in your way? How do you get out of your own way. And later I mentioned that to someone else in regards to not doing ETI this year, that if I wanted that, why didn't I make it happen? (He never did it either.) He said maybe it's not the right time for me. That the other part of my reality mattered, too. At one point I was 90% going to do it, and then I didn't. And it's true that a lot of other former Meisner students that didn't do ETI are working. It's not the end of the road, just a different one.
And someone last night said, "Why don't you say something? Why don't you ask? Will you have regrets when you're 85 if you never know?" I don't really think there's anything there, but then again, what do I know? Maybe he doesn't either. I don't know.
These things are seemingly unrelated, but at the core of it all, it's about how you lived/live your life...how much courage you had to find out what you don't know. And then move forward, rather than stay stuck in always wondering, passively hoping "Fate" will intervene, living in your head rather than choosing to act on your own behalf, and actually live your life.
The other thing tonight was the stage combat session (with Geoffrey Alm), totally hands on, there were only seven of us. I've been wanting to do it, (off and on since college, really) but was recently worried about the hand injury (it was one of the concerns I had with ETI actually, but of course, I never bothered to talk to the instructor about it, I just made assumptions. Ugh.) Anyway, he handed me a left-handed rapier. Dagger in the right hand. It worked. Not uncoordinated with the left hand. Had enough control. It was really fun. And I can do it. (I had had a bad experience with an instructor, who'd seemed put out with me, that I was a hassle because I needed to modify stuff. Didn't seem willing to work with me. I can't bear weight on my wrist...that's the reality I'm working with.) Upshot of all that is that I will do it in the future. I'd do it now, but I'm already committed elsewhere. It's something you need as an actor. Even if I only get to the unarmed class that would be useful. He didn't make me feel like it would be an issue to modify.
Also, I mentioned I was bored and someone asked if I wanted to assist with their class. I should find out what that would mean. Maybe. And I mentioned to someone else I ran into, that I want to get some people together to read Chekhov and Ibsen, etc., out loud...I think I'd get more meaning out of it, and it's good to hear the words. (Which is also the difference between reading something on a page, and seeing it on stage: the actor brings him/herself into the role, hopefully makes it more alive, more real. That's what happened with Quinn's version of Louis for me in "Angels." And why I disagree with Mamet in his essay where he says the best way to experience a play is to read it to yourself.) Reading it aloud would make it easier to keep the characters straight. (It's taking me a long time to read the current one I'm on, because I mostly read it on the bus, and I have to keep asking myself, "Wait, what's the relationship?" Guess I could make a map.) We did it last spring, with Ibsen, it was helpful.
Tonight was interesting on many levels.
Things change so quickly.
Rainy Thursday Morning
I'm exhausted. Worked a very physical catering gig last night, ate a bunch of cheese, too, which might have something to do with being tired. Got home at midnight. Had a "thank you" message this morning from the woman I work for when I checked my email. It's nice to be appreciated. The events are fun, but sometimes it's a lot of work, and I don't get paid, it's a trade for comps. (And food, usually.)
I'm gonna be on this diet forever if I keep slipping. (Not a bad thing, it's pretty healthy. I added rice and fruit back in, had a hard time going without carbs. Just feel better energetically with them. More even.) I was hungry though, long day, lots of walking stairs with heavy platters. I don't know if I feel much difference, but I have cut my use of anti-inflammatories way down, to almost none at all, and no headaches, both of which are good things. Oh, and I'm sleeping better, so, there's that. (No stimulants.)
Not a whole lot going on idea-wise. Partially, that's that everything has slowed down, I'm not pushing past my edges constantly like I was for the past couple of years. A lot came up. Going to both Angels' shows (even with Rush tickets) used up my dance budget, so will have to wait until October to start classes again. And I've been busy, so haven't walked as much. It's okay, I have things that need attention, and then they will no longer hang over my head. I just kinda' miss the ideas, and I'm a little bit bored. I want to be creating things.
I'm gonna be on this diet forever if I keep slipping. (Not a bad thing, it's pretty healthy. I added rice and fruit back in, had a hard time going without carbs. Just feel better energetically with them. More even.) I was hungry though, long day, lots of walking stairs with heavy platters. I don't know if I feel much difference, but I have cut my use of anti-inflammatories way down, to almost none at all, and no headaches, both of which are good things. Oh, and I'm sleeping better, so, there's that. (No stimulants.)
Not a whole lot going on idea-wise. Partially, that's that everything has slowed down, I'm not pushing past my edges constantly like I was for the past couple of years. A lot came up. Going to both Angels' shows (even with Rush tickets) used up my dance budget, so will have to wait until October to start classes again. And I've been busy, so haven't walked as much. It's okay, I have things that need attention, and then they will no longer hang over my head. I just kinda' miss the ideas, and I'm a little bit bored. I want to be creating things.
Tuesday, September 16, 2014
Now it's Tuesday
Somehow 90 degrees in September feels more bearable than 90 degrees in August. The sun not hitting any one place for as long. The house not quite stifling. Some time early in the morning, the metallic smell of ozone, wet pavement, blows in through the window. By the time the sun rises, barely a trace of rain is left on the rooftops. Thin clouds cover the sky. The sounds of engines idling and tires on asphalt fill the air. Things being dropped and crashing on the ground drown out the few birds that sing. Construction begins again for the day.
Doing generates something, physically working through the ideas as opposed to thinking about them. Getting into your body, past the original point of departure. Even actual writing counts. Things don't need to be perfect, it works itself out in the doing. And the only way to get there is to start. Shutting up the critic that says, "not good enough, yet," no longer having someone else to over-shout that voice, I'll have to be my own coach. My night off. I write. And put off all the other things for now. Not using the guilt over them as an excuse to do nothing at all.
Doing generates something, physically working through the ideas as opposed to thinking about them. Getting into your body, past the original point of departure. Even actual writing counts. Things don't need to be perfect, it works itself out in the doing. And the only way to get there is to start. Shutting up the critic that says, "not good enough, yet," no longer having someone else to over-shout that voice, I'll have to be my own coach. My night off. I write. And put off all the other things for now. Not using the guilt over them as an excuse to do nothing at all.
Monday, September 15, 2014
Missed buses, really late
Finally made it to "Angels in America" at the Intiman. Saw Part II for the matinee (my favorite part, probably my favorite script) and liked it so much I bought a ticket to Part I, which due to buses, I've just gotten home from. Seven hours. There was a 2 1/2 hour break in between. I sat in a bar drinking soda water and talking to the staff (it was pretty quiet in there), and then went and did a bit of writing. (The shows plus the talk-back made it over seven hours.)
I'm glad I went to Part I, I hadn't seen it before (had seen Part II a few years ago.) I like the characters of Harper and Prior better in Part I. Like Roy Cohn, Belize, and Louis better in Part II, plus Hannah is mostly in that part, and I love that character. The acting was fantastic (particularly Charles Leggett as Roy Cohn in Part II - seriously, Gregory Award nomination, and Anne Allgood in all the parts she played, oh, and Quinn Franzen as Louis Ironson (a character I don't really like when I read it, but I liked him as played in this production) in Part II.) It's a struggle for me to like the character of Joe, for some reason he doesn't come across as having been written very sympathetically, I think it's the wishy-washy quality to him. And as one of the other actors pointed out, he's the only one the ends the whole thing without any sorta' resolution. It's interesting, Roy Cohn is so evil (strong word) but so resolute, that it makes the character more "likable." Maybe "interesting" is a better word (the actor has more to work with. And by "likable" I mean I enjoy the time the character is on stage, it crackles with energy; he's a reprehensible man.) Joe is a tough role. At any rate, strong cast, a lot of risk-taking. It was beautiful.
Someone commented to me earlier that people stay away from this theatre because of bad blood (from a long time ago) and said, "too bad for the actors for playing in that theatre if people don't come to the shows," implying that the actors shouldn't have accepted the parts. (But these are dream roles for a lot of actors. It's a great script.) My feeling is that the theatre was reorganized, and this play doesn't get done much, and this was spectacular casting, and a fantastic show, so I feel that the loss is really on the people who can't get themselves over to see it. I think they are missing out.
It's a powerful show. The central core of it being about AIDS in the 1980's, but this script is pretty packed. Someone in the audience said something beautiful about the power of words in this play, and God being found in the words, and the actions of each other, and also something about all the sides of a person getting seen. There's also the nature of love, imagination, creativity, the letter from which all words begin, what you would do to save someone you love, compassion, loyalty, Mormonism, Judaism, fear, greed, sexuality, and finding commonality. Oh, and the parts of ourselves we keep in the closet and the freedom of being able to express that...I need to think about all this more, but I wanted to remember it.
(First picture is my attempt to get from the bus stop to the theatre and not being on the right street due to all the construction. Second is of the Intiman Courtyard, and a sculpture I'm quite fond of.)
I'm glad I went to Part I, I hadn't seen it before (had seen Part II a few years ago.) I like the characters of Harper and Prior better in Part I. Like Roy Cohn, Belize, and Louis better in Part II, plus Hannah is mostly in that part, and I love that character. The acting was fantastic (particularly Charles Leggett as Roy Cohn in Part II - seriously, Gregory Award nomination, and Anne Allgood in all the parts she played, oh, and Quinn Franzen as Louis Ironson (a character I don't really like when I read it, but I liked him as played in this production) in Part II.) It's a struggle for me to like the character of Joe, for some reason he doesn't come across as having been written very sympathetically, I think it's the wishy-washy quality to him. And as one of the other actors pointed out, he's the only one the ends the whole thing without any sorta' resolution. It's interesting, Roy Cohn is so evil (strong word) but so resolute, that it makes the character more "likable." Maybe "interesting" is a better word (the actor has more to work with. And by "likable" I mean I enjoy the time the character is on stage, it crackles with energy; he's a reprehensible man.) Joe is a tough role. At any rate, strong cast, a lot of risk-taking. It was beautiful.
Someone commented to me earlier that people stay away from this theatre because of bad blood (from a long time ago) and said, "too bad for the actors for playing in that theatre if people don't come to the shows," implying that the actors shouldn't have accepted the parts. (But these are dream roles for a lot of actors. It's a great script.) My feeling is that the theatre was reorganized, and this play doesn't get done much, and this was spectacular casting, and a fantastic show, so I feel that the loss is really on the people who can't get themselves over to see it. I think they are missing out.
It's a powerful show. The central core of it being about AIDS in the 1980's, but this script is pretty packed. Someone in the audience said something beautiful about the power of words in this play, and God being found in the words, and the actions of each other, and also something about all the sides of a person getting seen. There's also the nature of love, imagination, creativity, the letter from which all words begin, what you would do to save someone you love, compassion, loyalty, Mormonism, Judaism, fear, greed, sexuality, and finding commonality. Oh, and the parts of ourselves we keep in the closet and the freedom of being able to express that...I need to think about all this more, but I wanted to remember it.
(First picture is my attempt to get from the bus stop to the theatre and not being on the right street due to all the construction. Second is of the Intiman Courtyard, and a sculpture I'm quite fond of.)
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| Always Construction, Sept 14/L Herlevi 2014 |
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| Waiting, Sept 14/L Herlevi |
Saturday, September 13, 2014
Did not go afterall
I woke up at 5 am and called him just before 6 to say I was going to give my vocal chords a rest and not go. Fell back asleep, got up late, and as I was getting ready to go to market, my roommate asked if I wanted to go to coffee. I went, drank tea (which made me shaky, didn't realize how much caffeine was in tea) and we talked about life and work and music and travel and languages and Russian literature for two hours. It was good. Missed the market, didn't really need to go, but I like it. I like buying my food from the people that grow it. Been going there for years.
Went to the second half of the New Play Lab series at Freehold. Devastating, but good. More people should see them. (This group reads once more, tomorrow night.)
(Up) In the sky, (while) walking home, another dramatic rising moon. In chalk, on the sidewalk, this:
Went to the second half of the New Play Lab series at Freehold. Devastating, but good. More people should see them. (This group reads once more, tomorrow night.)
(Up) In the sky, (while) walking home, another dramatic rising moon. In chalk, on the sidewalk, this:
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| Chalk, Sept 13/L Herlevi 2014 |
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| Random picture of non-rising moon/L Herlevi 2014 |
Friday, September 12, 2014
Friday, late
Just got home from the New Play Lab (A series.) All three readings tonight were great, and though I realize they are still works in progress, I hope they can get them produced at some point. My scene partner was in one of them, "Ecstasy" by Ruth-Ellen Perlman, and directed by Andrew McGinn. The casting was spot-on, especially Susan Corzatte as Callie/Didey (mother-in-law), she has wonderful comedic timing, and Scott Ward Abernethy who has an intense, and unsettling, stage presence that really works in everything I've seen him in, as Dion, the former tennis pro. But they were all good.
There was an art walk/block party on the street going on as well. I went early to read plays (Chekhov, Pinter, Williams-they are due soon...I really like Chekhov, did I mention that before? I get lost in it), but ended up hanging out on the street and watching a band for 45 minutes instead. (Benjamin Verdoes, and also his band Mt. St. Helens Vietnam Band. I'd always meant to check them out, so that was fortuitous. Liked it.)
Came home and had a message regarding a ride to Canada tomorrow, at 6 am, but I can't call him now, as it's too late. Maybe I'll try calling at 6 am. I don't think he knows that I've moved, so I don't want him to go knock on the door of my old house. I sent him an email, but again, it's late. No one got back to me until tonight...I've been checking. Crossed wires, once again.
Sleep.
The moon is rising, but I wonder if it will be dark enough here to see the northern lights?
There was an art walk/block party on the street going on as well. I went early to read plays (Chekhov, Pinter, Williams-they are due soon...I really like Chekhov, did I mention that before? I get lost in it), but ended up hanging out on the street and watching a band for 45 minutes instead. (Benjamin Verdoes, and also his band Mt. St. Helens Vietnam Band. I'd always meant to check them out, so that was fortuitous. Liked it.)
Came home and had a message regarding a ride to Canada tomorrow, at 6 am, but I can't call him now, as it's too late. Maybe I'll try calling at 6 am. I don't think he knows that I've moved, so I don't want him to go knock on the door of my old house. I sent him an email, but again, it's late. No one got back to me until tonight...I've been checking. Crossed wires, once again.
Sleep.
The moon is rising, but I wonder if it will be dark enough here to see the northern lights?
Thursday, September 11, 2014
End of the season
Second choir tonight. Had trouble singing. It doesn't quite hurt like it did last year, but definitely not the best experience. On the fence regarding going to Canada for the workshop this weekend; a whole day of it right now might not be a good idea, but then again, always good to get more training. And my forehead is tense again. Still can't figure out what I'm doing.
These about sums up my summer, all of it feeling somewhat chaotic - in a wild, organic way. Everything going where it will. Unfettered. (The internet connection is slow and touchy tonight, perhaps it's the solar flare. Also brings chance of northern lights...the skies are clear.)
These about sums up my summer, all of it feeling somewhat chaotic - in a wild, organic way. Everything going where it will. Unfettered. (The internet connection is slow and touchy tonight, perhaps it's the solar flare. Also brings chance of northern lights...the skies are clear.)
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| The squash. Found a fence, Sept 11/L Herlevi 2014 |
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| Scarlet Runner Beans, Sept 11/L Herlevi 2014 |
Wednesday, September 10, 2014
Wednesday
The demolition begins at 7 am. The air heavy with mist, the rooftops damp, the engines begin their rumbling, and push around debris that was once a house. I close the windows to keep out the dust.
When I come home after clown jam, the house is actually kinda cold. It's chilly out. Sky full of stars, only a few wisps of clouds in the east, adding dramatic effect to the no-longer-full, rising, moon. House across the alley, now just an empty lot.
It's late.
Tonight we decided to dedicate part of our time together each month to generating material. And to that end, we set ourselves a goal of spring for a show of some sort. So, there will be more focus, and hopefully that will appeal enough to people so that they will come. I like the play element, but it's true, we are also performers, and having more of a purpose, to create, to perform, a point to move toward, would be good. And I too, work better with the pressure element. I wish it weren't so, but it helps me with creativity, once I unfreeze. (You know, you plod dutifully along in one direction on a final project all quarter only to change the direction and rewrite the entire thing over the night before it's due. Incredibly stressful, but it happened a lot for me. Things aren't there until they are, and for me, time pressure helps with that. We'll see if it does with this, or if I do more production work on it.) I would love to create something though.
Random thought while walking earlier today: Compassion is a daily practice, choosing to see the good in another, (especially when you don't want to) over and over again until it becomes a habit. Choosing love over fear. There's no magic wand to change how you think, you just practice, and practice.
I revisited this place to see how it's held up. It's been awhile.
When I come home after clown jam, the house is actually kinda cold. It's chilly out. Sky full of stars, only a few wisps of clouds in the east, adding dramatic effect to the no-longer-full, rising, moon. House across the alley, now just an empty lot.
It's late.
Tonight we decided to dedicate part of our time together each month to generating material. And to that end, we set ourselves a goal of spring for a show of some sort. So, there will be more focus, and hopefully that will appeal enough to people so that they will come. I like the play element, but it's true, we are also performers, and having more of a purpose, to create, to perform, a point to move toward, would be good. And I too, work better with the pressure element. I wish it weren't so, but it helps me with creativity, once I unfreeze. (You know, you plod dutifully along in one direction on a final project all quarter only to change the direction and rewrite the entire thing over the night before it's due. Incredibly stressful, but it happened a lot for me. Things aren't there until they are, and for me, time pressure helps with that. We'll see if it does with this, or if I do more production work on it.) I would love to create something though.
Random thought while walking earlier today: Compassion is a daily practice, choosing to see the good in another, (especially when you don't want to) over and over again until it becomes a habit. Choosing love over fear. There's no magic wand to change how you think, you just practice, and practice.
I revisited this place to see how it's held up. It's been awhile.
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| Ivy, Sept 10/L Herlevi 2014 |
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| Re-visiting, Sept 10/L Herlevi 2014 |
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| Established in place, Sept 10/L Herlevi 2014 |
Tuesday, September 9, 2014
Tuesday
Someone just handed me a mocha, so I'm sitting here staring at it. I should probably discretely give it to someone else. Eleven days no coffee, thirteen or fourteen without sugar, and dairy...well, yeah. (There was yogurt in something I ate over the weekend.)
The folk choir started last night. Hadn't sung, nor used, Finnish in a while, so it was good practice...I am out of practice. For some reason, it made my forehead tense, I can't even imagine why that would be. Anyway, we have a gig in two weeks, and there's a singing workshop I think I got talked into going to: someone offered me a ride (it's 3+ hours away, we'll have to leave at 6 am) and someone else offered to pay my registration. I'll probably go. (I just have to figure out the food situation. I don't want to get a bad reaction-of the splitting headache, crampy variety-with a four-hour drive home. I can eat rice cakes, I guess.) I had just reserved tickets for a new play lab for the same day. I can change them, I guess. I'd like to learn some new Finnish music. Joining this choir has opened a lot of opportunities up. I've mentioned this before, but because we are the only one in the US (or at least the region) performing this music, we are asked to sing quite a bit. There are some cool events this year, tentatively. (Things aren't for sure until they happen.)
Back to all my time being on a schedule again. Should find a happy medium at some point, but it makes me feel like something is moving forward.
I'm not running from anything, more like filling the time. Still sometimes it feels like just "busy." Though if I didn't fill it, I'd probably sit around and watch YouTube clips. So, yeah.
It's not that I'm lazy, but that I have to care enough. (I am somewhat burned out.) If it matters to me, I'll do what it takes to accomplish or pursue something. Barring knowing what that is right now, I'm biding time until I find it. Need to find a way to get dance classes back in my budget, and still be able to eat. I really want to dance...besides walking, it's the only exercise I can imagine enjoying, and it's great for centering and keeping aware of how one moves...keeping up some part of the acting craft. If you're not in a show, a class, or part of a collective, it's hard to keep the practice going in the downtime. (Plus, attending a dance class would include group work, and spatial awareness with that. Yeah, I could dance around on my own and I do, but it's not the same. Dancing in the studio, with other people, adds something to it, breaks the isolation.) Meisner class was certainly a gift.
My road has diverged...destination unknown.
The folk choir started last night. Hadn't sung, nor used, Finnish in a while, so it was good practice...I am out of practice. For some reason, it made my forehead tense, I can't even imagine why that would be. Anyway, we have a gig in two weeks, and there's a singing workshop I think I got talked into going to: someone offered me a ride (it's 3+ hours away, we'll have to leave at 6 am) and someone else offered to pay my registration. I'll probably go. (I just have to figure out the food situation. I don't want to get a bad reaction-of the splitting headache, crampy variety-with a four-hour drive home. I can eat rice cakes, I guess.) I had just reserved tickets for a new play lab for the same day. I can change them, I guess. I'd like to learn some new Finnish music. Joining this choir has opened a lot of opportunities up. I've mentioned this before, but because we are the only one in the US (or at least the region) performing this music, we are asked to sing quite a bit. There are some cool events this year, tentatively. (Things aren't for sure until they happen.)
Back to all my time being on a schedule again. Should find a happy medium at some point, but it makes me feel like something is moving forward.
I'm not running from anything, more like filling the time. Still sometimes it feels like just "busy." Though if I didn't fill it, I'd probably sit around and watch YouTube clips. So, yeah.
It's not that I'm lazy, but that I have to care enough. (I am somewhat burned out.) If it matters to me, I'll do what it takes to accomplish or pursue something. Barring knowing what that is right now, I'm biding time until I find it. Need to find a way to get dance classes back in my budget, and still be able to eat. I really want to dance...besides walking, it's the only exercise I can imagine enjoying, and it's great for centering and keeping aware of how one moves...keeping up some part of the acting craft. If you're not in a show, a class, or part of a collective, it's hard to keep the practice going in the downtime. (Plus, attending a dance class would include group work, and spatial awareness with that. Yeah, I could dance around on my own and I do, but it's not the same. Dancing in the studio, with other people, adds something to it, breaks the isolation.) Meisner class was certainly a gift.
My road has diverged...destination unknown.
Sunday, September 7, 2014
Back to it
Sometimes I think if I just write, something will turn up. Finally went to a couple of performances today. Was debating between "Angels in America" and "Waiting for Godot." Settled on the latter because it started a half hour later than the first and the bus wouldn't have gotten me to the former on time. While waiting in line to see how much the ticket was going to be (my pass gets me a discount) someone turned in a ticket they weren't gonna use and so the ticket people handed it to me. A much better seat (second row, center) than I would've had...so "thank you" to whomever surrendered the ticket. The show itself was excellent, put on by the Seattle Shakespeare Company. Well cast, great staging, and excellent job with the language, and cultural translation. (Irish humor, originally written in French, and translated into English by Beckett. It was also his first play.) Afterward, I went to write, but ended up running into friends so I chose talking to them over writing (I can write when I'm alone) and then watching the first half of the Shakespeare Intensive's final showcase. They were good. I'm starting to like Shakespeare again after this summer. It's not Shakespeare himself, it's that I've seen so many uninspired productions (particularly of "Romeo and Juliet" and "Midsummer Night's Dream") that'd I'd kinda' soured to it. (And I'm not particularly crazy about either of those plays. Willing to have my mind changed.) The woman who played Richard III tonight made for a wonderfully, menacing, creepy man.
I left at the break because I needed to go to the grocery store before it closed.
That's pretty much it for me. Was thinking about the idea that you won't let anyone love you until you love yourself. It's not that they don't, but that you second guess and reject it, if you don't see your own worth. Not sure what made me think about that.
I'm back at work tomorrow. Never did empty any of the boxes. (The sudden breeze that's flowing through the window feels like someone just turned on a massive air conditioner. It got hot again today.)
Random things while walking to the Shakespeare showcase.
I left at the break because I needed to go to the grocery store before it closed.
That's pretty much it for me. Was thinking about the idea that you won't let anyone love you until you love yourself. It's not that they don't, but that you second guess and reject it, if you don't see your own worth. Not sure what made me think about that.
I'm back at work tomorrow. Never did empty any of the boxes. (The sudden breeze that's flowing through the window feels like someone just turned on a massive air conditioner. It got hot again today.)
Random things while walking to the Shakespeare showcase.
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| Cart with dinosaur, Sept 7/L Herlevi 2014 |
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| Belltown, Sept 7/L Herlevi 2014 |
Friday, September 5, 2014
Last day of vacation
Start and restart. I have a handful of drafts, things I started to write and then decided not to publish. Things to add to later, or not.
Went for a long walk in the morning. Intention was to later both go garden, and empty boxes. All week. Haven't done either. Listening to the radio and making soup. Enjoying the intention of nothingness. Been thinking about seeing a show almost every night this week, but decided against structuring my time. Enough of that coming up, and the vacation was because I was feeling such a pull (almost being repelled) away from that. I do need to get to the garden though: a rose bush needs to be pruned back from the path, among other things. (And I could use more vegetables, going through a lot.) It's funny how when you limit your options your cravings adjust to fill the void. I'm eating a lot of almond butter (eating it with quinoa, bananas, and almond milk for breakfast), something I almost never eat. My mom gave me a jar at Christmas, and I just opened it. (It's still good.)
I don't miss the coffee so much this week, I've been drinking Mate, but not everyday, nor the sugar anymore. I do miss being able to go out to eat, I really enjoy that. Options are limited. Next week will be tougher, as I'll be back at work, and I can't just cook something when I get hungry. But I feel pretty good, starting to balance out my energy better. As for everything else, I'm not gonna worry about any of it today. Things will happen as they happen. Keep making connections and putting out feelers. But not this week. Things are about to get crazy again.
Summer's over.
Later. I was wondering what had become of the end of a tromboncino squash plant I have growing, it seemed to have disappeared into the verge. When I walked over to the compost and looked back, I noticed it had reemerged and is now climbing up my neighbor's fence. Will have to look into that. Redirect its growth. The vine is over 15 feet. Has produced just one squash, (which someone suggested I use as a neck rest on an airplane-I ate it instead) but impressive nonetheless.
Went for a long walk in the morning. Intention was to later both go garden, and empty boxes. All week. Haven't done either. Listening to the radio and making soup. Enjoying the intention of nothingness. Been thinking about seeing a show almost every night this week, but decided against structuring my time. Enough of that coming up, and the vacation was because I was feeling such a pull (almost being repelled) away from that. I do need to get to the garden though: a rose bush needs to be pruned back from the path, among other things. (And I could use more vegetables, going through a lot.) It's funny how when you limit your options your cravings adjust to fill the void. I'm eating a lot of almond butter (eating it with quinoa, bananas, and almond milk for breakfast), something I almost never eat. My mom gave me a jar at Christmas, and I just opened it. (It's still good.)
I don't miss the coffee so much this week, I've been drinking Mate, but not everyday, nor the sugar anymore. I do miss being able to go out to eat, I really enjoy that. Options are limited. Next week will be tougher, as I'll be back at work, and I can't just cook something when I get hungry. But I feel pretty good, starting to balance out my energy better. As for everything else, I'm not gonna worry about any of it today. Things will happen as they happen. Keep making connections and putting out feelers. But not this week. Things are about to get crazy again.
Summer's over.
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| Looking up at trees, Sept 5/L Herlevi 2014 |
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| Season's over, Sept 5/L Herlevi 2014 |
Wednesday, September 3, 2014
Daily inspiration
I left the house with thoughts of reading, I'd already done some writing because I'd woken up early and didn't feel like eating. Grabbed a play, a book on pilgrimage (in general), and a book written about Greece. I looked up a poem before I left, thought maybe it could inspire the rest of my day...a Greek poet. C.V. Cavafy. I think he was writing in the early 1900's, but not positive. Poem is called "Ithaka." Something I take along when I travel. You can read it here. (I don't want to defy copyright laws.) http://www.cavafy.com/poems/content.asp?cat=1&id=74
Caught a bus to one of my other favorite coffee shops because they used to serve Mate, though I found they no longer do, so I drank green tea instead and started reading, "Dinner with Persephone" by Patricia Storace, an American poet, about her year living in Greece. The prose is evocative, really enjoyed her invitation into that world. Only read one chapter because I am still distracted, even though the coffee shop wasn't particularly busy. Women with strollers. A language student and tutor. An older couple speaking an Eastern European language. The girl next to me with a stroller, seeming too young to have a child. She sits cross-legged on the bench and writes in a small red journal, then later starts an art project, all the while rocking the stroller, and listening to music on her iPod. The whir of a fan, the steamer, the rattling of porcelain and silverware, and the sound of jazz, compete for my attention. The book makes me want to move, if only temporarily, to a foreign country. To experience life with open eyes because everything is foreign, everything is new. But I'm restless. I close the book and get up and walk to the beach. It's my natural history day.
The beach is empty now that the summer season has ended. I walk in a direction I don't usually go. Looking at a familiar landscape from a different viewpoint than I usually do. The tide is high. It's overcast and a little cold. I crawl in the sand on my knees to get a different view of things, to take pictures. When I sit to write, a bird I've never seen before shows up and starts foraging in the dune grasses. I observe it for half and hour. It doesn't mind me, but when someone starts flying a kite nearby, it cowers with every pass and swoosh of the kite. I look at graffiti left on rocks, and imagine it as petroglyphs left for future generations to find and try to decipher, what messages were left to follow? What do we want to be remembered for?
The tide retreats and I look to see what it left in it's wake. Holdfasts for kelp. Broken strands of seaweed. Empty shells. The sound of tumbling rocks and the unexpected roar of waves.
The clouds dissipate and it gets hot. People arrive, populate the lonely expanse of sand. And I leave. It was almost four hours of wandering.
Some pictures.
Caught a bus to one of my other favorite coffee shops because they used to serve Mate, though I found they no longer do, so I drank green tea instead and started reading, "Dinner with Persephone" by Patricia Storace, an American poet, about her year living in Greece. The prose is evocative, really enjoyed her invitation into that world. Only read one chapter because I am still distracted, even though the coffee shop wasn't particularly busy. Women with strollers. A language student and tutor. An older couple speaking an Eastern European language. The girl next to me with a stroller, seeming too young to have a child. She sits cross-legged on the bench and writes in a small red journal, then later starts an art project, all the while rocking the stroller, and listening to music on her iPod. The whir of a fan, the steamer, the rattling of porcelain and silverware, and the sound of jazz, compete for my attention. The book makes me want to move, if only temporarily, to a foreign country. To experience life with open eyes because everything is foreign, everything is new. But I'm restless. I close the book and get up and walk to the beach. It's my natural history day.
The beach is empty now that the summer season has ended. I walk in a direction I don't usually go. Looking at a familiar landscape from a different viewpoint than I usually do. The tide is high. It's overcast and a little cold. I crawl in the sand on my knees to get a different view of things, to take pictures. When I sit to write, a bird I've never seen before shows up and starts foraging in the dune grasses. I observe it for half and hour. It doesn't mind me, but when someone starts flying a kite nearby, it cowers with every pass and swoosh of the kite. I look at graffiti left on rocks, and imagine it as petroglyphs left for future generations to find and try to decipher, what messages were left to follow? What do we want to be remembered for?
The tide retreats and I look to see what it left in it's wake. Holdfasts for kelp. Broken strands of seaweed. Empty shells. The sound of tumbling rocks and the unexpected roar of waves.
The clouds dissipate and it gets hot. People arrive, populate the lonely expanse of sand. And I leave. It was almost four hours of wandering.
Some pictures.
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| Glyph-like, September 3/L Herlevi 2014 |
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| Almost empty, September 3/L Herlevi 2014 |
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| Crawling, Sept 3/L Herlevi 2014 |
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| Later, Sept 3/L Herlevi 2014 |
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| Turtles and a duck, Sept 3/L Herlevi 2014 |
Tuesday, September 2, 2014
Something
Blew my day cleaning the bathroom, eating (which, okay, involved cooking, so that's something) and watching a British show on youtube called "The Supersizers Eat," where these two people go back to another time period for a week and live like people would have during said time period, mostly as related to food. (Watched the Victorian and Medieval England episodes, the latter looking more edible than the former, though you couldn't drink the water during Medieval times, at least not in England.) Finished off the last of the soup with dairy in it (roasted cauliflower and garlic, with dill, cream, drinkable yogurt...only way I could find to consume that, not particularly drinkable for me, but worked in a soup.) And ate part of my "emergency" baking chocolate bar, technically not supposed to eat chocolate, but it doesn't have sugar or dairy in it...I'm starting to really like it, don't miss the sugar. I'm probably making too many concessions, but I am off of everything now.
Thunder storms rolled through earlier (another rain storm just started), and got my window (well one of them) closed in the nick of time, seconds later, the wind lashed the rain against the house, the flooded streets turned to rivers, and drenched people dripped down the street, so soaked it was beyond the point of running for cover. Now it sounds like animals are running across the roof. I can't see the rain, but in the distance where the sky is still light, streaks hang and drift across the sky. Now only wind and traffic...all of it blending into a background roar.
If I get some writing done and maybe read a play, I guess that'd be somewhat productive.
Thunder storms rolled through earlier (another rain storm just started), and got my window (well one of them) closed in the nick of time, seconds later, the wind lashed the rain against the house, the flooded streets turned to rivers, and drenched people dripped down the street, so soaked it was beyond the point of running for cover. Now it sounds like animals are running across the roof. I can't see the rain, but in the distance where the sky is still light, streaks hang and drift across the sky. Now only wind and traffic...all of it blending into a background roar.
If I get some writing done and maybe read a play, I guess that'd be somewhat productive.
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| Right after closing window, Sept 2/L Herlevi 2014 |
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| Going out to rescue the bath mat, Sept 2/L Herlevi 2014 |
Time off
Got tired in the middle of eating breakfast yesterday and had to take a nap...not sure what's up with that. Someone later commented that I'm probably not getting enough calories. Later, worked at Bumbershoot for most of the day. Ended up going to both the Jacco Gardener and Foster the People shows after. Realized that I'd only actually heard one song by Foster the People ("Pumped up Kicks".) Seemed like a good show, the crowd loved it, but I couldn't see the stage most of the time (and my back was hurting...age) so it was more like standing in the middle of a dance party for me. I finally followed some people out of the crowd (I somehow had ended smack in the middle) and from the edge, the view was actually better, and you could move. Not my thing, but they are good at what they do, it made people happy, and you can dance to it. (I didn't leave.)
Also saw a couple songs of Kore Ionz (Hawaiin reggae) and La Luz (dreamy surf-rock, all women). Enjoyed both. My favorite thing of the day was the Fussy Cloud Puppet Slam, which was packed (three rows of people sitting on the floor, in front of the seats), really well received, and ridiculously charming. I love that there is an adult audience for puppetry. The next one is in January.
I've been trying to do too many things because I feel stagnant (stuck?) after so much forward movement and to suddenly have everything stop. Slight panic. But maybe it's okay to "do nothing" right now. I don't know. I have a fear of sliding backward when every one around me is progressing. So, I've been flaky about following through with ideas, even though they are things I want to do...just feel like I added pressure where I needed to let it go some. I overwhelmed myself. Anyway, I guess I'll focus on my health and emptying boxes this week. (I took it off: it's a good time to be away from work-slow- and I needed some unstructured time. Had started to feel a lot of rebellion building up. I probably need more than a week. It's been three years since I've taken time off where I didn't have to be doing something else: school, show, tour, moving, etc...oh, I guess there was the camping trip in 2012, but that was only a couple of days.)
Errands, writing, and then back to finish tackling the bathroom...not in my plans, but it needs it. (The house smells bad, trying to figure out why.)
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