Almost over

In regards to acting, I remember a teacher saying about a year ago, that sometimes you don't know why you say a particular line, what it means, until the final show.  I'm getting there through reading it over and over again, and rehearsing, and discussing it with scene partner.  Last night I made the connection throughout the play (Oleanna-Mamet) of the assault charge, how one could take the words and actions and come to one conclusion, whereas to the person doing them, there was no connection in their mind, though, it would be a pattern of (questionable) behavior.  I remember distinctly, in the late 80's early 90's women (mostly) were starting to talk about this openly, about assault and what constituted that, "no means no," "I didn't call it rape," etc.  So, I can see how "Carolyn" can come to the conclusion: misconduct (words and actions) leading to assault (he grabs her in Act 2) leading to rape, on a continuum. 

Also, at the end of our scene she says, "Isn't that better. And I feel that that is the first moment in which you've treated me with respect, for you told me the truth." And after everything that has happened up to that point, I think she finally realizes that 1) he doesn't care; 2) he thinks she's "full of hatred;" and 3) there is no hope, he's not gonna see the light and change.  She won't save him, and even if she did, he will not give her the credit for it.  In that sense, she's lost, has nothing to lose any more.  It's like when a relationship is on it's death throes, and the two of you are fighting, and one person hopes that the other will see their point of view, and change.  Hoping that they can fight and disagree, but still love each other and work things out.  Hoping against all odds, only to realize the other person checked out a while ago and there is nothing left.  That's what I saw in it yesterday, and I don't know how to organically get to that place in the course of the scene, but that's the meaning for me now (for the end of the scene.)

Scene partner reminded me that I still need to come up with the secret, the one she tries to tell him in Act 1, but is interrupted by yet another phone call he takes.  Could do a lot more with it, always, but have to present what's ready tomorrow.  (We rehearsed last night and won't be able to again before we present it.  We managed to get both, locked out in the pouring rain, and we banged on the door for 20 minutes before he tried yelling from the alley-all of our stuff, including his phone, was in the studio, and then later left in the space when someone had turned off all the lights and locked up.  It wasn't even that late, 9 pm.)