Monday

Walking the line of finding the parallel to my own experience where I don't drag myself into a cavern and get lost there...the whole point of this form of acting prep is to not do that.  Not always clear on the division.  I think it's a seed (truth) of something real, something you/I care about blown out way beyond that point: fantasy.  It's an in.  How did I get in before?  Is it like the wardrobe entrance to Narnia, where you can never go back in the same way?  This question wrote a lot of books.  I know it's kinesthetic for me...why am I trying to get there through my head?

I'm not afraid anymore (well, not so much that my first reaction is to shut my eyes and run in the opposite direction), my weekends of late seem to find me facing an accumulation of doubts, kept at bay during the week, but raining down on me when I have a chance to stop for a minute.  I'm ready to face whatever is there, if anything is, if it wasn't a mirage.  And if it was, at least it opened up window for light to shine in, and to re examine things.  I didn't write everything down (journal), but there was a willingness to walk away which hadn't been there before, and that's worth exploring.  There was more than one answer, and I was fine with that.  I don't want to use those as an excuse to avoid my first choice, but it takes the pressure off of what I think I want...I still want to know, but it can be what it is, and not some "answer to end all answers."  There is nothing to prove, and nothing to save. 

And gratitude for all the lights that shine in our world (for however long or brief) and make the days brighter; and gratitude that I was lucky enough to be touched by any of them, in any way.  They've strengthened my faith in humanity and in the belief that all of our lives (the way our lives touch others) matter.