What now?

Feeling very removed from the past year, from everything I've learned.  Feeling like I wouldn't know acting if it smacked me on the back of the head.  Maybe I just need time to absorb everything.  It was "go" for so long, and now it's "stop."  Stop.  I don't know what to do next.  Or if I should just sit here awhile.  Something clicked for us on our last scene (just as something clicked for me when I performed "Emily" from "Spoon River") but I couldn't tell you what.  I think there is something there, I don't think it was a fluke, but logically, I don't know how to get back.  I'm meeting with my scene partner to try to figure it out tomorrow, or at least what the "process" was.  Maybe that'll help.  I don't have a clue.  I feel small and lost on a vast sea.  It's not just the acting, it's pretty much everything.  For the past few months I've pushed things aside to deal with later, and now it is later.  There's a lot.

Slept most of the day, except for a brief stint where I watched the (heartbreak) of the second half of the Mexico-Netherlands match, leaving the room finally because I surprisingly wanted to cry and looking up and seeing the shock on all the faces and the wiping away of tears (I was in a Mexican joint.)  When I woke up again, I cleaned the house because psychologically it feels better for the house to not be a sty, and then got rid of more things, so I have less to move next time (which could be sooner rather than later, as my roommate has had it with things being broken all the time and how much rent we are paying, and threatened the landlord with legal action. The appliances in this place are ancient and of questionable safety.  I'm writing this surrounded by wet laundry because I was told the dryer was fixed, but it's not.  I wouldn't have washed flannel sheets had I known that.  They will dry some day.)

Hoping this is just some sorta' decompression from how much stress I've been under for the past year.  I just feel like I'm drifting.  Aimless.  I don't particularly like it.