Yes or No?

Got accepted.  One minute I'm sure I won't accept, and then the next I'm sure I will. Every time I try to tell someone out loud, I choke up.  Giving up safety scares me (job, health insurance, knowing I can pay my bills, knowing I can eat, having retirement money, (the golden noose) etc.), but at other times, being stuck in life and not reaching out and trying to be more, always taking the safe route, keeps me awake as well.  Time passes and what have I done with mine?

It's not impossible, I can take a loan off of my retirement account, I could see if I can get a loan from my credit union, I can look for a part-time job that is sympathetic to performing artists...they do exist, there are a lot of musicians and actors that make it work.  It's not an un-trod path, just scary for me.  If I wait, I'll just be older.  If I do it, I'll hopefully have the tools to be a better performer, some of which I could get from actually working on shows, but voice, Shakespeare, film, fight choreography would be helpful, because I don't have that.  There's the balance of I should just work vs. I should have the skills to do better work.  It's only 10 1/2 months, it's the tuition and living expenses that's holding me back from saying "yes," (and another year without a social life.)  I could do all the training separately as well, though this gets it all in in a short period of time, with two performance elements (solo showcase and touring Shakespeare show.)  I had one former student honestly tell me that I should consider graduate school because job opportunities are better if you have letters after your name.  I'm under the impression (possibly  misguided) that my age makes grad school for performance iffy at best (when you get 200 applicants and accept six of those, all with potential, who are you gonna choose?  Where are the roles?); though better chance as a director, which I might do in the future, but I want to perform first.  I know that.

I am leaning to yes.  Who knows where it will lead?

I'm not deciding today.

This blog program is being wacky. 

Cheers