Tyranny of Perfection

I woke up thinking about how I am often unable to act, to make a decision based on the idea that I'll do the wrong thing. That somehow there is a "right" way or choice and if I make the "wrong" one the whole world will collapse. It's a bit over-stated, but the general idea is there, and so I am paralyzed into inaction.  It actually came up in both acting classes last quarter that it was okay to be "bad" to make strange sounds, to not have to be some conventional idea of "beautiful." That there are a multitude of ideas or sounds or ways of beauty, not just one pounded into us over and over again through society or media. That whatever it is you or I do or are/am, might be the most beautiful to someone, even if not by any societal standard. That it's okay to "over emote" because you have to know what's possible in the big picture before you can come back down to subtlety. It's society and it's school and it's upbringing and insecurity of others and peer pressure. We are told there is a right answer, a right look, a right way and a lot of us get stuck there. There are rebels, but then a lot of them get stuck in how to be the "right" rebel-you're not punk enough, you're not anti-establishment enough, you sold out, you can't wear that, buy that, like that, etc. and still be "authentic" (as if authenticity were something you could buy off of the shelf.) There is only one solution to the problem, and I have it and you need to repeat it back to me and if you do it right, you will get a good test grade. Eventually, it's just a prison.

I find the pictures of "stars without make-up" to be really liberating for me. They look like everyone else, and then maybe I'm beautiful, too. And I went to this dance performance where the dancers were mostly naked, super-athletic, intense. The performance was riveting, but when asked what I thought of it later, the one thing that stuck with me is that the women had cellulite on their legs, and these are people who work out all the time. And that knowledge was such an eye-opening, body liberating moment for me. It's just that normal human "imperfections" (I cringe a bit to use that, it implies that there is a "perfect" which I'm trying to move away from) are "corrected" in the images that we are bombarded with, and there is such an obsession with weight and judgementalness about it, as if your brain and your love and your talent and your kindness and your strength didn't matter at all if you didn't first have "the perfect body." It's sick. Maybe we're all "perfect" already.  Or maybe there is no "perfect" and we can all let go of that idea and do things differently and find a place to let everything fall apart so we can put it back together in a new way.