Better to ask

Roommate and I both thought we heard gunshots last night, and got up to check the doors.  Couldn't tell what direction they came from, there were sirens a while later, but they sounded far off.  Can't find anything about it on the news.

Sat up and read a script afterward, "Spiked Heels," Theresa Rebeck, fell asleep and dreamt about being jealous, woke up kinda' bummed out.  I really need to get my insecurities in check, though you can't really help what you dream about, and my rational mind tells me there wasn't anything to be jealous about, really (in the dream) but I was anyway.  Dream also dealt with trying to follow a road that kept getting blocked by construction, and I had the wrong shoes on.  (Play is a take on the Pygmalion story, there are spiked heels involved.  And in reality, there is construction everywhere, it seems.  Blocks the flow of traffic, lots of delays trying to get to work this morning.)  I need to finish unpacking, tired of tripping over boxes.  When, I don't know.

My garden was in worse shape than I thought, everything has gone nuts with the weather.  Kept cutting back what I though were broccoli plants only to realize it was actually one massive beast of a plant.  Must've been some good soil in that spot.  I've cleared about a third of the garden, which felt like an accomplishment.  Now I just have to plant something.  When, I don't know.

Re-wrote out my script with all the cuts, and wrote a statement to send to my (potential) references.  Need to send the emails, procrastinating just makes it worse.  Also, it would be lame to not get my application in because I'm too afraid to ask...I'm afraid, I suppose, because I don't know them all that well, though I think they remember me, I've talked to them both recently.  One of them changed my life, but I don't necessarily think I should tell her that now...several people have been part of that over the past year (the whole "permission" thing.)  The other one made me take responsibility for making things happen; I think I told him that.  Not asking leaves me kinda' paralyzed in the "what if...they say no?" If they say, "no" then I figure something else out.  It is better to know than to be afraid of knowing.  (That would be rational.  But I'm still afraid.)

Need to get haircut, and a headshot, and go do the animal observation, and rehearse.  The caffeine has made me giddy, but thinking of all this makes me want a nap.  Still tired.

Cheers.

Okay, pulled myself together and sent one of them.  (Now I'm afraid to read my email.)  Crud, and there's a Suzuki workshop in July...dilemmas.