Heartache

The zoo made me feel unsettled.  (It reminded me of this run down botanical garden I visited in Lisbon; neglected due to staffing cuts and austerity measures.)  Thought about an idea for a performance piece.  I almost wanted to ask for my money back, since all the animals were missing or asleep.  Had a slight dizzy spell in the rainforest building (probably because it was hot) and so made my way to the bus, forgoing the farm area, which probably had active animals.  Not sure what I'll do for class, we have to do these next week.

Just read Ibsen's "A Doll's House."  It was suggested that I do, and I can see the similarities between it and "Riches," how both Nora and Carolyn have been deferring to someone else in life, though Nora comes to her senses sooner and actually leaves.  Ahhh, makes me ache.  Ache.  The sudden realization that Nora had, that Torvald didn't have her back, wasn't thinking about her as a human being, but rather as an amusement, considering only himself...that everyone, including Krogstad, acted more nobly because they were all more broken, more fully human, in a way that Torvald is not and does not understand.  That he only accepts Nora again when he finds there is nothing at stake (in his reputation.)  Nora is a wonderfully realized character.  Kudos to Ibsen on that insight.

(It reminds me of being in a bad relationship, where the other person has said, in a very blunt moment, that "you haven't earned" the right to be treated better, and then a complete stranger helps you off with your coat, and you realize that you do deserve to be treated well, because you exist.  Not that that's ever happened or anything - I've mentioned it elsewhere.  Or someone you know casually, who works with hundreds of people, remembering your name and commenting on a change in your life, and realizing that there are people who do pay attention, even if the one you want to, does not.  You are not invisible as a human being.  You are not a background object.  It doesn't come up in the play for Carolyn (directly), but it does for Nora: Kristine and Krogstad and Dr. Rank don't need to help her, but they do, and the person who she would hope to step up first, whom she committed the crime for (Torvald), does not, is not willing.  That hurts (of course it does.)  It was "a miracle" she was hoping for, that they would be equals, I think, and it didn't happen.  How could you stay?)

Day one of a ridiculously busy week.  (Auction/class and rehearsal/rehearsal and late reception/rehearsal/friend's premiere/maybe try the zoo again/application due/10-hour class on Sunday.)